MOP: Take that, you easy-to-understand fanfics! :cough: You didn't hear that. This is my first fic. You didn't hear that either.

There's a boy-human who is affecting my humans. He has bad hair and some grass stuck in his mouth, but no one has the heart to tell him. He always has a pained expression on his face. He's just annother poor human, lost to the ways of the cuteness arts. He's bad, though.

He makes the blue boy-human furious, because he attacks people who never blast any fire at him. No, that can't be right. That's crazy. What's really going on is that Blue Eat-Sleep-Fight is the only one truly unaffected by this horribly disfigured human. He's fine. It's the others I worry about.

Grassy Head-and-Mouth, the ugly human, has done something to the blue girl-human. It's something awful. Water-Moving Loop Fur acts nice to him – too nice. Her face even turns all red when she sees him. I feel great pity for her, but I don't know how to help. There is only one conclusion I can come to. Grassy Head-and-Mouth must be a secret minion of the enemy blaster Unibrow Red-Eye!

Yes! It's true! Unibrow Red-Eye, the fire-blaster who blasts fire at my humans and is very fire blasty, has hired Grassy Head-and-Mouth to manipulate Water-Moving Loop Fur! That explains the red face when she sees the ugly human! They're plotting to convert her to one of the fire-blast people, where she will be romanced by the terrible Unibrow. It all fits. It's the truth. Woe!

Now I think you are ready to hear the worst of it all. It is about my beloved human, No-Fur Arrow Head. I don't know if I can say it. He... He... He's evil! I'll prove it! I'll tell you the story!

I was licking my fur. Certainly not plotting to break into the supplies and eat all the mangos. No, I would never do that. How could you think that? Stop accusing me! Humans...

Anyway, I was being good to my humans, of course. Then --- there were SPARKS, FLASHES, NOISE, SMOKE! AHHHH! Arrow Head had fire-blasted my paws – that's just plain wrongful. In a rage, I climbed up onto his furless head. I took the blastbombs and threw them at his paws. I made him jump; I made him dance; I made him yell for his wretched human life.

BWAHA-HAHA-HAHA-HA!

Isn't my innocence adorable?