Disclaimer: We are not richer than the queen of England, therefore, we do not own Harry Potter! We are not responsible for any emotional damage caused by this fic.
Authors' Note: This fic is the result of Maya (vine) and eLiZaBeTh's (Mrs. Detective Billy Martin) complaining about how many damn Harry Potter fics are on this site. We decided (no offense to any one who writes Harry Potter…) that half the stories aren't any good, and are all the same. This is just weirdness, so be warned that every warning in the book applies to this story. It waz written in just over five minutes also. And be prepared for a sequel. BTW, this is re posting.
"I just ate some cheese."
"Where did you get the cheese, Harry?"
"From the houselves."
"Wow! Why did they give you cheese, Harry?"
"Because I gave Dobby some socks."
"What color socks did you give him, Harry?"
What shade of purple, Harry?"
"Bright purple, with little designs on them!"
"What kind of designs, Harry?"
"What kind of Quidich thingys?"
"What kind of broomsticks, Harry?"
"Strangly colored Nimbus 2000s!"
"What colored Nimbus 2000s, Harry?"
"Do you like the color lime green?"
Yes! I love lime green!"
"What else do you love?
"How much do you love Ron, Harry?"
"I love him as much as my dick is long!"
"Well, that's not too much, is it, Harry?"
"No, it's not."
"Where were you last night, Harry?"
"Umm, I was, umm, alone, doing… potions homework…"
"What were you thinking about, Harry?"
"Hott Snape- I mean, how much… beasolwolf needs to combine with… wormroot to make… goat stones."
"Who is your partner in Potions, Harry?"
"A hott pureblood- I mean a hott mudblood- I mean uhh, Nearly Headless Nick, of course. No head, how dreeeammmy…"
"Did anyone help you with your Potions homework, Harry?"
"The hott ugly one! With buck teeth. You know, she hangs out with me all the time! I can't remember her name though…"
"Who is your life partner, Harry?"
"Why, you of course, Ginny!"
"YOU CHEATING BASTARD! YOU SAID YOU LOVED MEEE!" Ginny grips the side of her face, and rips it off to reveal… RON!
"NO! RON I DIDN'T MEAN IT!" Ron stalks off. Harry falls to his knees.
Fade to black…