Entitled: Stuck With The Likes Of You
Author: Shadow Shawnna
Ensemble: Torrie Wilson/Johnny Nitro, Trish Stratus/Chris Jericho, Dawn Marie/Edge, Stacy Keibler/Jeff Hardy, Ashley Massaro/Matt Hardy, Melina Perez/Randy Orton, Possible Lita/Christian or John Cena (Not sure yet)
Disclaimer: As Always, I Own No One.
Distribution: Ask First.
Rating: PG-13, For Language & Sexual Innuendo
Summary: You could say it's deja' vu for one Jeff Hardy when he and a group of elite WWE superstars find themselves locked in the most famous arena in World Wrestling Entertainment.. Madison Square Garden that is.
Raw:Torrie Wilson, Trish Stratus, Mickie James, Lita, Maria, Melina Perez, Johnny Nitro, Randy Orton, John Cena, Carlito, Triple H, Matt Striker, Shawn Michaels
Smackdown!: Candice Michelle, Christy Hemme, Ashley Massaro, Stacy Keibler, Jeff Hardy, Matt Hardy, Batista, Chris Benoit, Edge, Rey Mysterio
ECW: Kelly, Dawn Marie, Victoria, Beulah, Joey Mercury, Tommy Dreamer, Chris Jericho, Christian, Kurt Angle, Test
Notes: Check out the first chapter for important notes. Note that while this story was originally posted in 2006 I have opted to keep all of the characters - meaning I'm not removing Chris Benoit despite the fact that he is no longer with us.
The group that Triple H had dubbed "The Degenerates" made their way through the halls with Vince's chair and desk in tow. The blond man leading the way as he pulled the chair behind him, leaving Randy and Shawn to carry the desk. Nobody really seemed to question Triple H's twisted logic that Vince would get pissed off that they moved his desk to the catering hall. When they passed the boiler room nobody would ever have suspected that Lita and Cena were stuck in there, in fact they were more taken aback by Striker and Kelly in the vent than anything else.
"Holy shit! That's like the kinkiest place I've ever seen anyone have sex in-" Hunter began suddenly, though Trish and Randy seemed to believe that the duo were really having sex and both looked away.
Striker was the first to deny it, and quickly. "I would never have sex with this disease ridden hoe!"
"Hey now! That is no way to speak of a lady!" Shawn exclaimed, tsking Striker.
For some reason Hunter kicked at the vent and told them to get out, he seemed to be chastising the pair and then began to walk away. The others followed suit, leaving before Cena could make it to the door and gain their attention. When Triple H heard the noise he yelled back at Striker and Kelly telling them that they weren't very discreet with their affair.
"But it wasn't us!" Striker yelled back.
"Yeah, I'm sure it was the Boogeyman. Grow up!" Triple H hollered back before directing the others to hurry up before Striker said anything else.
When they finally arrived at the catering hall they were surprised to find that six people were just sitting around doing nothing. Triple H quickly began to scold them, but when they informed him that they'd found their quota of two people he began to congratulate them. Then he patronized his own group for only finding a desk and chair. Trish and Randy remained quiet while Shawn quickly sided with Hunter and asked them what they were thinking when they suggested bringing the desk with them.
"Foolish. Stupidest idea I've ever heard!" Shawn shook his head.
"Don't blame us! It was Trish who said she wanted to strip on the desk for everyone." Hunter exclaimed with a bit of a smirk.
Christian looked between the four of them and then asked, "When does the show start?"
Trish gasped in surprise, "Never! I can't believe how perverted you guys are!"
Beulah scoffed at Trish's ignorance, "It's all men think about, Trish. You're going with one of the most perverted guys in the world and you're surprised that other men are just as perverted?"
They weren't sure what angered Trish more, the fact that Beulah had just called Chris Jericho perverted or that she had insulted her intelligence. Whichever of the two had struck the wrong nerve they didn't listen long enough to find out. While the two ladies argued Triple H began to inform Nitro and Carlito that he was in charge and that if they were thinking of taking over they'd better give up. Christian and Tommy seemed to know first hand that Triple H's warning was completely serious. Nobody was really sure why though, to the best of their knowledge the only one who knew better not to mess with DX was Striker, who was currently stuck in a vent. They believed that Kelly and Striker were in the vent because of DX and were pretty sure that anyone who was caught trying to help them was going to be punished.
Meanwhile, the 'lost' superstars who didn't even know they were lost were roaming the halls with a few emergency flash lights in hand. Jeff was practically bouncing off the walls and Christy seemed to think it was a good idea to do the same. It wasn't long until they came across Candice and Edge. Jeff seemed confused at first because Edge didn't seem to be doing anything to find anyone. He was just sitting on the floor and Candice was playing with her hair.
"Hey-" Jeff began, before he was cut off by the surprise of Edge's quick greeting.
"Thank God!" Edge exclaimed, causing Candice to jump a bit. "Wow, hey, where were you guys?"
Dawn eyed Edge suspiciously, "What do you want, Edge?"
Edge blinked, "What makes you think I want something?"
"You're never this friendly... Not even to Candice." Christy pointed out, the Smackdown! diva having seen first hand how Edge treated Candice.
Victoria nodded in agreement, "Yeah, what's going on?"
"They all left me with her!" Edge replied quickly, looking genuinely hurt by the abandonment he had felt.
"Who left you?" Dawn asked in a rather hopeful way.
Candice twirled her hair as she replied, "Everyone... DX, Trish, Lita, John, Randy... Everyone."
She felt that everyone was a good enough reply, though it was really because she completely forgot who else was there. Only because DX was running the show and the others seemed to be their groupies or something. After Edge explained that they were sent to search for more people and that they were told they couldn't come back until they found at least two people the others seemed to understand what was going on. Edge happily followed Jeff and Christy as they made their way back to the catering hall. When they arrived they were surprised to find a rather large group of people sitting around a desk that Triple H currently sat behind.
"Order in the hall!" Triple H bellowed, pounding his fist against the table in order to hush the arguments taking place.
Shawn eyed everyone for a moment before he spoke, "We have some bad news."
"Lita and Cena are missing!" Triple H exclaimed loudly, though he really didn't care about them. "I believe they have gone off for a quickie."
Shawn nodded gravely, "I think so, too. As horrid as it may sound, we believe that they will come back after they're done. So please, don't panic."
Silence. "What the fuck are you talking about?" Randy asked, looking as if he were more surprised that Lita would even sleep with Cena than the fact that they weren't back yet.
"Oh, we also believe that Edge and Candice died in a freak accident that had something to do with a spatula." Triple H informed them, despite the fact that they were standing right there.
"Wait, what? We're right here." Edge pointed out, everyone looked generally surprised and a few thought that Edge and Candice were ghosts.
"Shawn," Triple H began, his eyes narrowing at Edge and Candice.
"Go check to see if they're really there." Triple H ordered, looking as if he were superior to everyone there as he watched Shawn inch over to where the pair stood.
After Shawn slapped Edge and then pinched Candice he determined that they were really there before he slapped Edge again "just to be sure". Edge looked utterly shocked as he stood in the hallway, unsure if he should be insulted or angry at their ignorant acts.
"This isn't a time to be funny!" Trish snapped, looking as if she were more insulted by their acts than Edge was.
Randy nodded in agreement, "Yeah. I'm sick of you guys."
Triple H sent a stern look their way, "Didn't you hear about what happened to the man who didn't know anything?"
Jeff's eyes practically popped out of his head, "Oh my god! Story time!"
"Yes, Jeffrey. Story time. This guy's name was Matt--"
"Hardy?" Jeff asked quickly, wondering if Triple H was going to tell the story about Matt being gay.
"No. Striker. Anyway. He thought he could steal DX's flashlights, but he didn't know that DX didn't let anyone take what was theirs. So he was beat down and stuffed into a vent." Triple H informed them all, revealing what most already figured. "DX runs this building - you will know that we are the lord and we lay our vengeance upon thee!"
Everyone stared at the blond man for a moment. Christian looked up at the ceiling as if in deep thought before looking back at Triple H again.
"Did you just quote Pulp Fiction?" Christian inquired.
Triple H's eyes narrowed, "No. It was completely original."
Though after Christian mentioned it everyone nodded in agreement, that last line was from Pulp Fiction and they figured that Triple H didn't want anyone to know about it. Thankfully, they received a distraction in the form of Chris Jericho, who had apparently been abandoned by his group. When questioned, they simply said that he was annoying them and that they suspected him of attempting to overthrow their monarchy. This was probably the best excuse Triple H had heard the entire night and offered Kurt Angle a position on their "board of administrators" that Kurt gladly accepted. Chris simply stared at the three before he criticized their decision to bring on Kurt, stating that he would probably try to overthrow them when they least expected it.
"He has a point." Shawn said. "Kurt doesn't have the best track record... Remember when he hit you in the head with a chair?"
"Remember it? How could I forget! You bastard! Get off our board of administrators!" Triple H snarled, his eyes narrowing at Kurt.
Kurt began to mutter complaints about Jericho's treason and sat back down between Test and Christian. While they continued on with their ramblings John Cena continued to pound on the door. It wasn't until Lita smacked him upside the head and told him that no one was coming that he stopped. The pair stood in silence for a long moment and for the longest time Lita couldn't help but wonder what surprised her more; the fact that Cena hadn't complained of her violent tendencies or the fact that Cena had gone completely silent for over five minutes. It wasn't until Lita looked to make sure that he was still alive that he bothered to say anything.
"I'm sorry we're in this mess. It's my fault that we're trapped here." John admitted, refusing to look at her and instead opted to stare at the floor.
She was so taken aback by the seriousness in his voice that she didn't even bother to agree with him and put him down even more. She suspected that he already felt this way and didn't need her help with that. For once she actually believed that John Cena was acting his age.
"Maybe someone will come-"
"Nobody's comin'," He snapped. "Can't you see? Nobody gives a shit that we're gone. They'd have noticed-"
"Striker and Kelly are still in the vent, John." Lita pointed out.
"People care less that they're in there than they do that we're not around."
Lita remained silent for a moment, "How much are you willing to bet that they all think we're having sex?"
John glanced at her, totally taken aback by what she had just said. What threw him off even more was that she began to laugh, it was one of the few times he heard her laugh. She found it hilarious that people would probably be sitting around just thinking, "God, I can't believe they're actually having sex!" Though she didn't bother to say much more and her laughter had long since ceased as she began to look for a vent to crawl out of.
"Oh-I can't believe our luck!" She exclaimed so suddenly that John jumped at the sound of her voice.
"A vent! Don't know where it leads-"
"You won't be able to fit through there..." John said, completely missing the dirty look that was sent his way.
"Are you implying that I'm fat?"
"No. I'm implying that this vent is really fuckin' small." John replied quickly, though this didn't cover up his mistake.
Lita narrowed her eyes at him, "I could totally fit in here."
"Yeah? Then try it. Your fat ass isn't going to fit in there." John replied, his annoyance clearly showing through his tone.
Lita smirked, "Am I annoying you, Cena?"
"Of course you are. You're the touchiest female I've ever met!" John exclaimed. "You're always hittin' me and puttin' me down. But when I say that a vent is too small for you to fit in you accuse me of callin' you fat!"
Perhaps it was his honesty that allowed her to overlook his insults or perhaps it was that Lita wanted to prove him wrong. Not only did she think the vent was big enough, but she also thought that she had a rather impressive form. She did not have a big ass and she wanted to prove this to him. Without a single word to him she shoved the flashlight in his hands and preceded to remove the vent. Before she would venture inside she figured she ought to remove some of the clothing she had on. Mostly layers, leaving her in a pair of jeans and a tank top. She gave him a snobbish look before she bent over to make an attempt to crawl through the waist-level vent. She really didn't think any of this through, that much was apparent because moments later she yelled at John.
"Stop looking at my ass!"
"...I wasn't." John lied, though he knew that he didn't sound too convincing.
She didn't bother trying to get out simply to slap him, instead she made an attempt to crawl through the vent. It wasn't until she was half way in that she discovered that John was, in fact, correct. Her hips were far too wide for her to fit through there and she was forced to crawl back out. Letting out an aggravated sigh she pushed herself out and glared at John Cena.
John smirked, "Just a lucky guess, huh? I think someone should lay off the cheetos."
Lita rolled her eyes, "I don't even eat cheetos."
"I'm sure you don't."
"For someone who claims they don't you're actin' real defensive." John pointed out.
"That's because I'm annoyed with you!"
John didn't say any more, glancing between Lita and the vent before he walked off with the flashlight. Lita then got up and followed after, more or less because she wanted the flashlight. He couldn't help but wonder why she was such an instigator. While Lita and John continued to bicker Matt Hardy and Ashley were still traveling throughout the arena looking for their sworn enemy; Matt Striker. They had decided that since they knew more than everyone else about this terrorist - they figured he was going to bomb America after he discovered a way out - that they were the best people for the job of terminating him.
"Ashley!" Matt exclaimed, shaking his head. "You're too slow! How are you supposed to dodge a flamethrower if you don't move faster? You're done for!"
Ashley sighed, "But Matt... We haven't even seen him-"
"Oh, he's here. That terrorist!" Matt's eyes narrowed at the mere thought of this so-called terrorist. "Bastard."
"But I'm tired-"
"No one cares if you're tired Ashley! This is my chance to prove to everyone that I'm good enough." Matt paused. "If I stop this terrorist DX will finally accept me into their gang. You can be our groupie-"
"But Matt, I don't want to be a groupie. I want to be your sex slave-"
"God, stop being such a whore, Ashley! We need to find that terrorist!"
Ashley continued to complain and even stopped jumping into rooms, staring at Matt as he leapt into a locker room. She continued to stare, holding the flashlight that she'd just picked up. When Matt didn't come back out she decided to follow him into the locker room, fearing that the terrorist had slit his throat or something. Ashley walked into the locker room only to be slapped by Matt Hardy, who had discovered the location of one of the divas that had been left behind
"Why did you hit her?" Maria asked, looking confused as Matt Hardy was seething.
"You're a horrible spy, Ashley! There could have been danger and you could have been killed! You didn't even look in the room before you walked in! God, I can't believe you're my partner!" Matt Hardy spat, crossing his arms angry over his chest.
Ashley blinked, "Yeah? Well.. You slap like a girl!"
Matt Hardy also screamed like a girl, apparently. When he threw a fit Maria felt like her idea of staying in this locker room until someone found her wasn't exactly a good idea either. Her plan for John Cena to find her and rescue her like a damsel in distress had failed and now she felt like crying. Matt Hardy was not only a horrible savior, but he wasn't really attractive either. Maria decided that instead of sticking with these morons that she'd steal their flashlight and run off to find John.
When she found him she'd fake a scene and have him save her - just like he did every week. So Maria tackled Ashley and stole the flashlight from her hand and ran off despite Matt Hardy's calls for her to wait for him. Matt didn't catch up with her, he seemingly wanted to wait for Ashley to get up before he'd run after her. By the time Ashley did get up - she sold her injury like a baby - Maria was no where in sight. More or less because they no longer had a flash light and had to start from square one.
...To Be Continued
A/N: I'm so proud of myself - two updates in the same week? Ha, I'm just glad that I actually got an update in.