Hey! I decided to post a bit early! This is the follow-up for my first story, "Naruto: Sex Ed", so I suggest you read that before reading this. You can manage without reading it, but you may not understand all of the humor.
For all you "Shino's Birthday" fans, it's coming on the weekend!
Oh, and for this story, you may find the slightest OOCness with Neji. For the most part, I kept him in-character, but I decided to... add a bit to his personality.
Disclaimer: me + Naruto never.
"Neji the Hentai"
Another day of training, another day of me beating Lee senseless, and another day of Tenten throwing her knives around all day. His hands stuffed in his pockets, Hyuga Neji aimlessly sauntered around the village, and sighed after recalling his previous practice with his team. Although he wasn't complaining, training had concluded early; Gai-sensei claimed he had 'duties to attend to'. Neji figured he really didn't want to know.
Deciding to rest underneath a tree's refreshing shade, he stretched out underneath the branches, nearly dozing off until he heard a familiar voice. Perking up, he glanced around until he discovered four very familiar faces not too far away.
"Alright, boys and girls. Now, would anyone like to tell me what we learned today about prying into our pupils' sexual development?" a female asked, as if addressing her question to a group of three-year-olds. However, to Yuuhi Kurenai, there wasn't much of a difference between that and her best male friends plus boyfriend.
"How about you, Kakashi?" she added rather threateningly, her Sharingan-red eyes drilling holes through his novel, which he has yet to divert his attention from.
"Hmm. Something about… oh, never mind. Later - I'm at the good part!" Kakashi insisted, before flipping the page in his book and blushing madly. Oh, Akira! And I thought YOU were the quiet one!
Asuma lazily raised his hand. "Can we just get this over with, Kurenai? We have things to do, missions to attend, lunch to eat, porn to watch… right, Kakashi?" Asuma drawled, lighting up another cigarette.
"Right-o," Kakashi replied, and continued to giggle at the naughty scenes in his precious book as he clasped a hand over his masked face and gasped dramatically.
Kurenai shook her head in defeat. "Alright, alright. But you're not getting off that easily!" She looked over the three elite ninja, before resting her gaze on Gai.
"Gai: Repeat after me," she commanded sternly, glaring at her spandex-clad comrade. Gai grinned knowingly.
"Repeat after me!" he responded, feeling mighty proud of himself. Slapping her forehead in agitation, Kurenai pointed in his opposite direction.
"Get out of my sight, Gai. You'renot the real instigator of this mess." Kurenai pointedly glared at Kakashi, who hadn't paid her any attention. "Just remember to never check on your students in the morning and we'll continue to have a regular friendship. Got it?" Not waiting for a reply, she shoved the confused man away from the group, leaving him to do whatever he wished. Turning to Asuma, she raised her right hand in the air, hoping he possessed more common sense than her thick-browed acquaintance.
"Repeat after me: I, Asuma…"
Removing his cigarette and crushing it into the ground, he mimicked her posture and repeated, "I, Asuma…"
"Will never access 'porn-r-us dot net'…"
Asuma gasped. "Never! I, Sarutobi Asuma, will never give into the opposite sex! For I am a man!" He clasped his fist near his chest and donned an emotional expression. Kurenai leered at him.
"Unless I desire to sleep on the couch for a week."
Kakashi snickered, looking up from his novel, chuckling softly. "Ooh, tough break, Asuma."
Asuma crossed his arms in a huff. "Although I disagree with your depriving a man of one of life's necessities," he sighed heavily. "I, Asuma, will never access 'porn-r-us dot net' unless I desire to sleep on the couch for a week," he groaned in a sing-song tone before hastily walking away in fear of any other of his privileges being threatened. Finally, Kurenai faced Kakashi. She jabbed his chest with her index finger.
"You! The reason why our students are most likely scarred for life! Why, I ought to knock that book right out of your hands this instant!" Kurenai managed through clenched teeth. The only acknowledgement of her comment Kakashi provided was a mere shrug.
"You don't care, then?" Before he had a chance to blink, Kurenai stole his prized possession, and tossed it as far as possible. Astonishingly, Kakashi barely reacted, other than to stalk off in the other direction, leaving her with one final comment:
"I figured you'd do that, one day. That's why I keep extra copies at home… especially for," he whipped around and winked at the horror-stricken Kurenai, "late night pleasure."
Neji cracked a smile as he watched the events unfold. After Kurenai and Kakashi left the scene, he laid his eyes on Kakashi's abandoned novel. Suddenly, a thought occurred to him: Didn't I want to read what happened after that strange talk our teachers had with us…? Now's the perfect opportunity!
Making sure no one was watching him; he casually strolled past the book, swooping it up in the process. Then, at full speed, Neji darted away to the first place he could think of: the training grounds.
Page after page, Neji couldn't help but become more interested in the Icha Icha series. Not only were the pictures so detailed and anatomically perfected, but there was also just enough plot to keep him somewhat interested. Although Neji had to admit, it wasn't the plot that kept his interest. Perhaps I should convince Naruto to ask Jiraiya for the remainder of the series…
"Hello, my youthful student! Why do you return to the training grounds, although practice has ended?" an unmistakable voice called out. Trying to remain calm, Neji snapped his book shut and directed his eyes to the sky. His teacher, full of vigor, approached his student, who was shaking in his shoes.
"What's the matter, Neji?" Gai asked, and then glanced at the book he held at his side. "And what book is that? I'm quite an avid reader myself; perhaps I have stumbled across it at some point!" Panicking, Neji catapulted the book to his side, which resulted in it bashing into his other teammate's head. Rock Lee's head, to be specific.
Neji berated himself for having weaknesses, such as natural reflexes. Great! Now Lee, the lying sensation of the year, has to get me out of this! Why couldn't it be Tenten?
Perplexed, Gai turned to Lee. "My loveable protégé, is that your book by chance?" Before Lee had a chance to respond, Neji beat him to it.
"Yeah, Lee lent it to me," he stressed, giving his teammate a look. "Right, Lee?"
Despite being 'the lying sensation of the century', Lee could recognize his friend was in great predicament, and that there was something in that book that his beloved sensei can never see. "U-um, yes! This is my book that I lent to Neji!" Then, Lee proceeded to open the book and scan through its contents, nearly falling over. To think I knew the guy…
Neji permitted himself to breathe. Maybe this won't turn out so bad, after all. However, Gai approached Lee, much to his dismay.
"Wonderful! So, who is it by; or at least, what is the genre?" he inquired, trying to catch a glimpse of the book's cover. Being the master of deception, Lee swiped the book from Gai's line of sight and tucked it underneath his arm.
"It's um… a children's novel!" Lee blurted, his face turning a slight shade of pink. It took all the power in the world for Neji to restrain himself from committing suicide. "Yes! And the author is… uh…" Lee faked reading the cover, "I.MA. Hen Tai."
Gai scratched his chin thoughtfully. "Well, I won't question why on earth Neji and you are reading a children's book, but to each his own!" Their teacher laughed heartily, before snatching the book out of Lee's grip and flipped it to a random page. Lee and Neji sent each other distressed, desperate, and downright scared-shitless looks, both in half a mind to ditch the man, running for their lives.
"Let's see," Gai finished scanning through the book and found the page the previous reader left off on. "Chapter Fifteen: Akira's Visitor. Sounds suspenseful!" Gai exclaimed, and eagerly began reading, as Neji proceeded to complete tying a noose out of a nearby rope. As the utterly oblivious man continued reading, his expression grew more baffled by the second; then, many different emotions overcame him, such as shock, mortification, until a blank look remained on his face, his eyebrows slightly twitching.
"Children's novel, indeed," Gai commented, a sneer barely evident in his voice. Lightly tossing the book at Lee's head (why do people have the sudden urge to throw things at me?), he trod off without another word. Worried, Neji and Lee observed as he stalked away from the training grounds, but not too far away, as his 'salutation' was clearly audible:
"WHERE HAVE I GONE WRONG IN LIFE? YOU HAVE BEATEN ME AGAIN, KAKASHI!"
After a long moment of silence, Lee attempted conversation, but Neji cut across him.
"Neji, perhaps we should -"
"Lee. No. Just no."
"You got us into this."
Unsurprisingly, the last thing Lee saw was a nonchalant Neji pick up an obsidian stone, and a dark blur.
"Team meeting!" a loud, booming voice filled the air. Neji and Tenten groaned, and Lee, at least, feigned excitement. "Meet at the bridge in five minutes!"
Tenten had wondered why Gai-sensei, Neji, and Lee were acting so strangely today. All three insisted that they train with her, rather than each other. Plus, whenever she mentioned Kakashi's name, she noted her teacher convulsed and swore under his breath more than usual. Whenever she asked Neji or Lee about the unusual happenings of the day, Neji would turn away, and Lee would respond with a horrible joke; the latter being a huge indicator that something was amiss.
"Now, team." Gai began, perching himself on the railing. "A certain…" he sent Lee an odd, unreadable look, which greatly confused Tenten, "children's novel, has come to my attention." His tone was deadly series; so serious, Tenten was inclined to laugh, but did not act on her whim.
"Neji, hand me the book," he ordered, to Neji's astonishment. Tenten shrugged her shoulders, abandoning her efforts in following the discussion.
"I didn't bring it, sensei. Why would I -"
"I remember what I saw, Neji. You and Lee were reading it during break. I watch for these things, you know! Now, hand it over," Interested, Tenten sat up straighter, and watched as Neji, regretfully, pulled out a book from his kunai pouch and handed it to Gai, never making eye contact. Lee trembled as he, too, observed the horrific scene before him.
"Now, it doesn't take a genius to figure out that this, in fact, is NOT a children's novel. Tenten, do you happen to recognize this book?" Tenten squinted her eyes as she tried to read the front cover, ignoring that Lee and Neji were inching further away from her by the millisecond.
"Icha… Icha…" her eyes widened, as it dawned on her whose book this was. "WHAT?" Tenten demanded, rising from her cushioned seat. "You - you guys…" she inhaled deeply, trying to remain cool.
"Okay, I half-expected this type of behavior from Neji -"
"Because I really don't know that much about him. But, Lee! I would have… NEVER expected this of you! Aren't you supposed to be, I don't know," she searched for the right words. I need to think of something bad for Lee. This kind of behavior… from him!
"Tenten, this is a misunderstanding -"
"Everything's a misunderstanding, Lee. As I was saying," Tenten grinned evilly, finding the perfect insult. "That wasn't being very faithful to Sakura? Was it, Lee?"
No response. Wait for it…
"DESTROY THAT VILE BOOK!" Lee screamed, and soon he grabbed the item from his teacher and threw it into the river below the bridge.
Tenten smiled. Perfect.
After a few moments, Neji sighed, slightly irked that his precious novel was now history. Shame he couldn't have gone WITH the book.
"Now, I don't blame Lee and Neji," Gai interrupted the awkward scene. "However, I DO blame Kakashi!"
Neji snorted. Figures.
"And that is why I have decided to form a rebellion!" Neji ceased laughing, realizing this involved himself, his teammates, and Kakashi in some way. "But not just any rebellion! It is 'Konoha's Rebellion Against Crazy Kakashi'!" Gai exclaimed, and then he hopped off the railing and proudly placed his hands on his hips.
Neji's jaw dropped. There is no way I'm going to do this.
"Otherwise known as KRACK!"
Tenten's jaw dropped, too; Lee, having to admit that some of his sensei's ideas were a little out there, meekly raised a fist into the air. "Um… yosh…?"
"I am touched by your enthusiasm! Come to practice thirty minutes early, so we can begin brainstorming! That is all, meeting adjourned!" Gai waved, and shined his ever-so sparkly teeth. "Goodbye, my students! Make the most of your youth!"
With that, Gai departed, leaving his very puzzled students behind to reflect upon the day's events.
Review! Good, bad, ugly, what? Anything, much appreciated!