Title: The Perks of being woken up at Three AM by a Certain Sirius Black
Summery: Sirius wakes a disgruntled Remus up.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters etc from Harry Potter. I also do not own the Monty Python Quest for the Holy Grail reference. I don't know if Monty Python was around then. Frankly, I don't care.
The Perks of being woken up at Three AM by a Certain Sirius Black
"Moony, Moony, Moooony."
Remus rolls over and pulls his pillow around his head. This cannot be happening. He groans; after three hours of desperately trying to fall asleep, he had drifted off only to be awoken by this.
"Remus, are you awake?" Sirius frowns and pokes his motionless friend.
"Unfortunately," Remus grunts and turns back around.
"You sure are snarky when you wake up."
"Only when I get whined awake by a certain black-haired brat, who happens to be sitting on my feet."
"Well, if I knew you were going to be this grumpy I would have been the certain black-hair brat who happened to be sitting on Peter's feet," Sirius pouted, "C'mon Moony, wake up…. more."
"What about James?" Remus asks, while kicking Sirius off his feet and propping himself up against his backboard.
"Well, considering the fact that he still sleeps with his wand under his pillow I decided to opt against being cursed out of my mind." Sirius lies down on Remus' bed.
Remus snorts remembering Sirius floating two feet in the air, flies coming out of his nose, a very fluffy tail attached to his butt, and James standing on his bed yelling 'who's there?'
Remus knows he could just tell Sirius to go away, kick him until he does, and then go back to sleep, but he likes spending time with Sirius, especially when Sirius is lying inches from him without the protection of a shirt. Plus, in all honestly he doesn't think yelling and kicking would work anyways. "Why can't you sleep?"
"I dunno," Sirius sighs," "I just can't. That ever happen to you?"
Remus lets out an almost laugh, "Every night."
"Wouch, what do you do?"
"Lay in bed, recited things I've memorized, count to five-thousand, and eventually, I'll go to sleep." Remus doesn't mind not sleeping too much anymore. It isn't great, but he's used to it.
"You know what's weird? Lying in bed, trying to sleep, I started thinking about spatulas. I've come to the conclusion that I hate them. Everyone is always raving about how fabulous they are. Okay, slight exaggeration, but people see them as useful kitchen utensils. They don't work. All they do is transfer that substance from the bowl, or pan, or whatever on to the spatula, which creates a whole new problem. You'd think, as wizards, someone would have created a spell to replace them, but no, we still have to use those stupid, pointless, lazy… things. Well, I don't, but… cook like people do."
Remus grins, "Um, I'm sorry?"
"Laugh all you want Mr. Lupin, but I tried to invent a spell to replace them. I—ended up plastering my pillowcase to my drape, but I think it's a start."
Remus smiles and lets Sirius continue to rant. Somewhere in the middle of Sirius' monologue about how air-guitar doesn't get enough credit for being a real musical and athletic talent Remus lets his eyes shut.
Remus is vaguely aware of Sirius calling his name and asking if he's awake, but he's too tired to open his mouth and answer.
"Remus? You're not awake?" Sirius asks talking right into Remus' ear.
Sometimes pretending to sleep puts Remus to sleep, so he keeps his breathing even despite the fact that Sirius' breath is hot against his neck when he talks.
"So, I could say anything I want? I'm turned on by giraffes? Your mother smells of elderberries?" Sirius giggles to himself at the muggle reference.
There's a silence, and Remus can tell Sirius is staring at him.
"Did you know," Sirius begins, "that when you're deep in sleep you wrinkle your nose? Or when you're really truly laughing you huff before you start to actually laugh? Or that you always turn your spoon upside-down in your mouth when you're eating?" Sirius sighs, "I do. Sometimes I think I shouldn't notice those things. It's not right that I know if you've had time to use your body soap in the shower by smelling you as intently as I do."
Remus' stomach explodes with hope that he tries to suppress.
"And it's certainly wrong that I should want to slam you against the wall and—never mind I can't even tell that to your sleeping body."
Remus' breath is ragged now, but he keeps his eyes shut. He's still afraid this is all some horrible joke.
The bed shifts and Remus can sense Sirius' intent stare. He almost squirms, but manages to control himself. Sirius inches closer and Remus can sense what will happen next, but the kiss is so short Remus doesn't have time to react.
"Shit," Sirius hisses, "I'm a terrible person. I just, like, kiss raped you. I'm going back to my bed before I loose control—and my mind—again."
Remus knows he has to do something. He swallows hard and barely opens his lips to say, "Sirius, I'm awake."
"Shit. No—um—I don't…. I—"
"I liked it you prat," Remus interrupts, "so shut up and do it again."
Sirius grins and crawls up to Remus. He leans in close and whispers, "You sure are grumpy in the morning."
Remus shifts so their lips are almost touching and retorts, "Only when I'm forced up by a devilishly handsome brat who happens to be kneeling over me and will get seriously beaten if he doesn't shut up and kiss me right now."
And he did.