Author: iacssi111

Summary: Marco reflects on the twists and turns his life has taken as of late. Oneshot.

Spoilers: Some of Season 2 (Carrier through Mommy's Bosses), all of Season 3 (including Fifty-Fifty).

Disclaimer: I do not own any of The 4400 characters, places, plots, etc.

Note: Just a quick angsty piece about my favorite character. Hope to see bigger storylines for Marco in Season 4!

Marco Pacella couldn't imagine a worse time to wake up than 3:00 AM. He hadn't been sleeping too long, and he only had a few hours until he had to actually wake up. Letting out a frustrated sigh, he turned his alarm clock around to get rid of the glaring red numbers that further disturbed his attempt to sleep. This was the third straight night that Marco was having trouble sleeping. Although NTAC needed his sharp mind more than ever, he had spent the last few days in a zombie-like state. He knew that lately he was only going through the motions. His life had adopted a theme; a pattern that was starting to make him restless. Marco woke up at 6:00 every morning. He got ready for work, went to work, spent countless hours wracking his brain for little thanks, came home late to an empty apartment and went to bed alone. His routine was starting to make him numb. Even the guys at work had stopped ragging on him. He could tell that they felt sorry for him. Everyone did. Even Baldwin would give him a pitiful look as he passed him in the hallways. Marco hated it. He hated that the most thanks he had ever gotten for his hard work was a pat on the back. He hated that his relationship with Diana was so short-lived. He hated that she took Maia and went to Spain with another man. Most of all, he hated that he still loved her, and that he missed her so much it hurt.

Lacing his hands behind his head, Marco squinted at the patterns of shadows that seldom passing cars made on his ceiling. The light summer breeze that ruffled his dark hair did little to comfort him and he irritably kicked off his sheets. Marco was starting to feel lost. The only thing that kept him going was his drive to help the 4400. He actually felt like it was his purpose in life. Working at NTAC was starting to wear on him though. He was very passionate about his research and he loved to solve puzzles, so the work was enjoyable for him, but the rewards were not. The pay was mediocre and he received little thanks or recognition for what he did. One of the only people who had ever shown respect and gratefulness for his work was Diana. And now she was gone. Marco was trying really hard not to be completely selfish about the whole thing. He knew that the stress of working for NTAC was getting to Diana and that she was only looking out for Maia, but was anyone really safe anywhere? If a civil war was going to erupt, Marco couldn't imagine it remaining a national conflict. It would be a global conflict. It didn't even seem realistic that she would leave the country. He respected her decision to go, but it he couldn't help but be irked by the fact that she just up and left her life in Washington for this guy. Tom had filled him in on the details about this Ben guy, although he admitted that he knew very little and had only recently been told by Diana about him. Apparently they were supposed to get married. The thought made Marco's stomach drop. He knew that Maia's precognitions were rarely wrong. That meant Marco's chances to be with her again were slim to none. He knew he had to get over it, but it would take a while. He had never cared for anyone the way he cared for Diana. Marco let out a frustrated sigh as he realized that he was too deep in thought to even attempt to get back to sleep. His mind was racing. He sat up, swung his legs over the bed and groped for his glasses on the nightstand. He put them on and stretched, then went in search of a shirt. Marco figured since he couldn't sleep, he might as well go into work and at least get paid for overtime. That, he most definitely deserved. As he walked by a mirror in the hallway, Marco accidentally caught his reflection. He hardly recognized himself anymore. Stress had taken a toll on him physically as well. Dark circles under his eyes stood out against his pale skin. He looked gaunt and he made a mental note to actually remember to eat. Lately he had been so busy that meals were just an afterthought. These past few days it seemed like he was living on caffeine and snacks from the vending machines. Shuddering at the realization of how unhealthy he had become, he made a silent vow to slow down and make a change in his life. He knew that this would mean getting over Diana, even though in the back of his mind he knew she would be back. Like him, she wouldn't be able to abandon the 4400.

After making himself a much needed cup of coffee, Marco stood by the window. As he watched the horizon lighten, he couldn't help but wonder if this was this how it was supposed to be. Was he supposed to be alone and unhappy then die for the 4400? Was he going to die for her? He was probably the last thing on Diana's mind. No, this couldn't be how it was supposed to be.