Title: Kratos Discovers Fanfiction!

Author: Marika

Disclaimer: I don't own any of these horribly abused characters. Any similarity to actual fanfiction is purely coincidental. All badfics that appear in this fic are impersonated…poorly.

Notes: Yeah yeah, I know. Like it's never been done before. But hey, now it's my turn!

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"What is this?" Kratos tilted his head, staring blankly at a strange glowing box.

"It's called a computer. Geez. You may have been born 4000 years ago, but you don't have to act like it." Zelos shook his head, admiring his own hair. "Ah, it's so healthy it shines!"

"What?"

"Nevermind. Here. Meet the internet." Zelos clicked a button shaped like a blue 'e'. "I'm sure you'll figure the rest out on your own. I have to go to the hair salon."

Kratos was alone. Alone and devious.

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A little while later, Kratos had managed to download 3 different viruses and crash the computer at least 5 times. Somehow the machine had fixed itself and he was once again on the prowl.

"Confounded machine… I don't care how much Zelos reveres this so called 'pr0n.' This internet is nothing but…" Suddenly he stopped, catching a name that looked far too familiar on a search browser. Slowly and mechanically, he read the blurb outloud. "What would happen if Kratos had 5 more kids, all of them girls?"

Horrified and intrigued, he clicked on the link and began to read. "Kratos was sitting one day with his sword that he likes and suddenly this girl came up to him! She was really pretty and had long blonde hair and looked like she might be a half elf. She was like 'hey there you look a lot like this picture my mom left me a long time ago before she dyed.' Kratos looks at the picture and is like 'I remember your mom, she was a beautiful elf, that means you're my daughter! I'll love you forever and we can go buy a pony!"

Kratos gagged. And retched. And gagged again. "This story has 54 chapters! No thank you. Lloyd is more than enough for me."

On cue, Lloyd entered the room. "Hey Kratos, what are you googling?" Without waiting for a response, he peeked over Kratos's shoulder. Slowly, even slower than Kratos, he read another summary. "What would happen if Kratos told Lloyd he was his dad from the beginning of the game?"

Kratos froze, then tried to cover up the screen. "Umm… that.. that's not…"

"You… you're my dad!" Lloyd shrieked. He covered his eyes and ran blindly from the room. "AAAHH! SPOLIERS! IT BURNS!"

Kratos sighed. "Great. Thank you… what's this site called…? Fanfiction dot net. Now Lloyd already knows the big secret."

He was determined never to trust the internet again.

But… curiosity got the better of him.

If there was hidden information about himself on this magical site, what might there be about the others?

Deviantly, he clicked on the site again, browsing through the summaries once more. "Let's see…. 'Yuan finds out he's gay.' Hah, I thought so." Boldly he clicked on the link.

"Yuan kissed his love with the passion of 1000 suns, the kiss making him needy and hard. He moaned and hissed and when he couldn't take it anymore screamed 'Kratos take me now!'"

Kratos dropped the mouse. And retched again. "Aaugh! So… so wrong…" Tentatively, as if the mouse would burn him, he reached out for it, intent on changing the page.

Before he could, Yuan grabbed the mouse and clicked the back button. "You're right. You could never make me that happy."

Kratos spun around, mildly surprised to see Yuan standing there. "Where did you come from?"

"Who cares?"

"Good point." Bravely, he took the mouse again, clicking on another story that looked like it may have promise. " 'Lloyd finds out his one true love.' Ok, this could be interesting…"

"You'd better watch out. Ones that begin with that usually don't turn out so pretty." Yuan cautioned.

Not heeding the warning, Kratos clicked away. "It was a beautiful spring morning, the air was fresh, the grass smelled sweet, and the birds chirped in the trees high above…"

"You'd better skip to chapter 5. Nothing really happens before that anyway." Yuan commented.

"Ok." Kratos moved the mouse and clicked on the chapter titled 'Drama.' "Colette entered the room. 'Lloyd you are my one true love!' She said, tears in her happy eyes. Suddenly Sheena appeared! 'No, Lloyd you are my one true love!' Zelos was mad! 'I will fight you Lloyd for Sheena!' But suddenly Presea appeared! 'I love you Presea!' Regal said! 'Eew. Regal that's gross.' Lloyd said."

Kratos sat motionless in front of the computer. Slowly, Yuan took the mouse from him, clicking the back button. "Brain fried?"

"Too much… badfiction…" Kratos murmured before collapsing on the table.

"Heh, good." Yuan snickered, pushing Kratos out of the chair and taking over the computer. "Time to find Zelos's pr0n."

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Marika's notepad:

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