Fic: Fly to the Angels

Chapt 1?

Summary: Dean has to face his own memories, a trip home, a estranged father, and his own mother.

Pairing: Sam/Dean

T- slight language warning

A/N: WIP - Another take on 'Home', only this time Dean freaks out and can't bring himself to go into the house. Spoilers for Home, Faith, Benders. I'm also taking the episodes out of order this may be a tad exaggerated, but I wanted to have it so that Dean had gone through a lot before the 'Home' eppy, so a las, I changed the order, and also, in this fic Pa Winchester gave em co-ordinates for the Benders, instead of Asylum. This Chapt was going to be longer... but i'm a)giddy with excitement as this is my first spn fic-piece - well out of my head and documented - b)it took me longer than expected to get this part done, and c)I wanted Dean's interaction with my version of wee Sari to be just right... or as right as I can get it in my mind.

Title from the song of the same name by Slaughter

Disclaimer: I don't own the Winchesters or SPN. This is not-for-profit.

Please read and review... and if anyone wants to give tips, please do!

Dean stared at the house. And the house stared back.

They'd been outside for a only a few minutes, sitting in the safe confines of the Impala, silently looking through the windows, as Sam nervously drummed his fingers against his door. Dean wondered to himself why it looked so innocuous, when all he could think of was the sound of his mother's strangled scream awakening him from a child-like slumber and the image of angry red and yellow flames licking their way up and down and around the building as he and Sam, so little and innocent, sat clutched to their father. The memory of the heat, and hiss and pops of the flame, intermingled with the flashing lights of the countless police and emergency teams, made him shiver and pull his cracked leather jacket tighter.

"Are you ok to do this?" concern laced his brother's voice.

Sam, his brother, the psychic wonder, was the reason that they were here. By rights he should be calling him every name under the sun for putting him in an impossible situation. But all could do was utter 'I know' like a stupid little lost lamb, who'd lost his way. He hadn't intended on letting on to Sam, that the house... and... back there, freaked him out and although he didn't actually say it, Sam had picked up on his reluctance through his broken sentence. In fact the whole Lawrence thing had actually distracted him from the 'I'm having visions of our old home and a woman who may or may not exist' bombshell. Something that Dean was still trying to get his head round now.

Throughout the rushed several hour drive, Dean had tried to distract himself further, by firing questions at Sam, most of them regarding 'the shining', 'bending spoons' and 'pigs blood' to which Sam did not reply kindly to. After they made a brief stop, Dean had excused himself, to use the restroom. As he found himself towards the back of the service station, junk littered near by, he leaned against the wall and shakily called his father, voice shaking, lips trembling, knuckles tight against the phone, and left a garbled message as he, ashamedly he thought, begged his father for help. And then as abruptly as the emotion came, he snapped the phone shut, pinched the bridge of his nose and blinked the glistening unshed tears away, which threatened to tumble out in as much the same way as his voiced had betrayed him, before walking back to Sam and the car.

And then they were there.

"I'll let you know" Dean replied, before opening the door and sliding out, the Impala moaning slightly, as it's weight was shifted, in reluctance.

Sam crossed around the car and came to a stop by Dean. He smiled slightly at Dean before taking a step on to the path of the house that was once theirs.

Dean intended to follow Sam. All of his gut instincts yelled at him angrily to follow his kid brother, but nothing else of him could make actually move one step in front of the other. His breath suddenly didn't feel like his own with his breaths tight against his chest. The house, that looked much less harmful when he was in the car, sat behind the safety of the glass window, now looked much bigger, looming up above him, as though it was trying to intimidate him into surrender and to his horror Sam looked further out than he thought he could reach.

"Sammy" he whimpered as his chest tightened even more and blackness danced at the edges of his eyes.

"Dean?" a voice, surprisingly close, replied as two hands came to rest on his shoulders, "Take it easy, bro... here sit down before you fall down".

He found himself being bundled back into the Impala, head down, legs outside of the car, and a cool hand against the back of his neck, that was both reassuring and comforting enough, to pull him from his funk and see away the darkness around his sight. He looked up to see Sam crouched in front of him, a look of concern and fright marring his features.

"Dude, you scared the hell shit out of me" Sam said, his eyes wide, but gentle, "one minute your standing there, the next your doing your best impression 'I'm a tree' - what happened?"

Sam half expected Dean to swat his hand away and reply with his normal 'I'm fine' but when he made no attempt to move or forcibly remove Sam, his concern heightened.

"Dean, what is it?" he asked, hoping his voice sounded welcoming, and not too frantic.

"I'm sorry, Sammy" Dean said, eyes suddenly looking very tired, with white-wash pale features. He broke eye-contact, unable to look at his brother anymore.

"For what?" Sam whispered.

"I... I... can't" Dean said, trying to form his broken words, "I know it's important, but I just can't... I can't go in there Sammy".

"It's ok" Sam replied instantly, "You don't have to. I'll go in there".

"No!" Dean replied sharply, "That's not what I meant... you can't. What if something-"

"Stop being a control freak" Sam replied, leaning forward, so that their heads rested slightly, "Nothing's gonna happen. I'm just going to speak to whoever lives there, and then I'll be back"

"Sam" Dean started, but was cut off as Sam pulled away.

"No Dean" Sam said as he stood firmly, "Just stay here" he looked around him, taking in the house and surrounding area, "It's probably best this way. I don't remember any of this and besides I don't really want to have to explain to a complete stranger why you look like complete shit".

"Sam" Dean took hold of Sam's sleeve and just stayed like that for a second, hoping Sam understood the silence of 'I'm sorry I'm shit-scared, but be careful'.

"I'll be back in a few" Sam said, pulling his arm out of Dean's hold and headed down the path.

And Dean once again found himself staring at the house. And the house stared back.