I wear a halo
I wear a halo when you look at me
But standing from hereYou wouldn't say so
You wouldn't say so if you were me.
Dean smiles over at me as we drive along the dusty road, the fondness clear in his eyes as he glances me over. You could see concern there too. Concern for his Sammy, his perfect little Sammy, who had just lost his lover the same way he had lost his mother. I offered him a small smile, banishing any oncoming chick flick moments, because I knew it would only make Dean more uncomfortable. And I knew that if I dared to let any of my emotions spill over, all of it might come out. And Dean would never look at me like that if he knew. I shut my eyes and leaned back. I could see it all so vividly. Both women suspended above me, gutted, and burning. Because of me. All because of me. The demon hadn't wanted them. It had wanted me. It had always wanted me. They had simply been in the way. They had never stood a chance. Dean would hate me if he knew. If he knew that I was the reason we were both robbed of a childhood. And even worse, what if I brought the same thing down on Dean? That was the worst thing imaginable. I was cursed. If something happened to Dean, I would never forgive myself. I wish I were strong enough to leave him, wished that he didn't make me feel so safe, and that if anything ever happened to Dean it would be because of me. I opened my eyes again and glanced over at Dean. He flashed me, his own little angel, the one thing in his life untainted by darkness, a million watt smile. I grinned slightly again and turned my head to look out the window. God the guilt ate at me, but I couldn't help but feel safe with my big brother Dean. My own guardian angel.
Deans POVI always knew that I would make mistakes
I'm only human
And that's my saving grace
Why do you put me on a pedestal?
I'm so up high I cant see the ground below
So help me down you got it wrong
I don't belong
God my kid brother's face was expressive. One look into those bright green eyes of his-those puppy eyes he swears he doesn't have-just makes me want to reach over and hug him really hard. And that was saying something, because you knew Dean Winchester-he doesn't do hugs. This wasn't how things were supposed to happen. Nothing was supposed to happen to my Sammy. Nothing. He was the only thing in my life that stayed good. The one person I knew who could still see the good things, the better side, despite having lead the same lifestyle as I had. 'Damn Sammy, I would have done just about anything to protect you from this." I was supposed to be his superhero. It wasn't fair. Sammy deserved a better life then this. He didn't deserve to have his first and second chance at a normal life snatched away from him. I was so afraid that if I didn't protect him enough then he would end exactly like Dad and I-cynical and vengeful, hell bent on finding the thing that killed Mom. I glanced over at Sammy again. He was offering me a slight smile…oddly the smile seemed almost apologetic. I grinned back at him, feeling the urge for a hug again. Sammy had that effect on me. My own innocent little angel.I'll far as hard as I try
So don't be blind
See me as I really am
Song clips are from the Song "Halo" by Bethany Joy Lenz.
Thanks for reading…especially since it was so bad.