This is a songfic with the song Numb by Linkin Park. I just thought of this when I was listening to Numb and it made me think of Heero. So I wrote it up and put here. I hope you like it, it's kinda depressing, til the end.

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I'm tired of being what you want me to be
feeling so faithless
lost under the surface

Heero stared at the blue screen of his laptop. His fingers sat still on the keys of the keyboard and he stared at the information that had just appeared on the screen. A new mission, and yet another attack on his sanity.

Don't know what you're expecting of me
put under the pressure
of walking in your shoes
every step that I take is another mistake to you

He would accept the mission, he would do it, and he would do it well. He would go because that was what was expected of him. It was what Doctor J expected of him. The Perfect Soldier. The role Dr. J had given him.

I've
become so numb
I can't feel you there
I've become so tired
so much more aware

From behind him Duo began shouting something at the video game on the screen. Heero couldn't tell what, he was too lost in the screen before him. Suddenly, the chair spun around and Heero was staring straight into the face of the brown-haired American.

I'm becoming this
all I want to do
is be more like me
and be less like you

Duo was saying something and gesturing at the TV screen. Heero looked past him to see Duo's character was shot and the screen was spinning around the dead body. The body of a soldier. Heero looked away, muttered a barely audible "Hn," and pushed past Duo. The American shouted after Heero as he opened the front door and stepped out into the cool night air.

Can't you see that you're smothering me?
Holding too tightly
afraid to lose control
cause everything that you thought I would be
has fallen apart right in front of you

Heero stood in the front lawn and stared up at the storm clouds massing above him. As he stood there, brooding on the letter, he realized that he hadn't sent an accepting message. He could turn off the computer and feign ignorance about the whole letter.

I've
become so numb
I can't feel you there
become so tired
so much more aware
I'm becoming this
all I want to do
is be more like me
and be less like you

A single raindrop hit his face, falling down his upturned cheek like a tear. A tear for every dead body he had left behind. Heero closed his eyes and breathed in the outside smell as the rain began to fall harder. The letter could be ignored, but what would the consequences be?

And I know
I may end up failing too
but I know
you were just like me
with someone disappointed in you

Heero thought back to Odin Lowe and wondered. His father-figure's last lesson floated up in his mind. "Always follow your heart." He stared up at the clouds once again as the rain began to fall in earnest.

I've
become so numb
I can't feel you there
I've become so tired
so much more aware

The computer beeped as it turned off and Heero stood staring at the dark screen. An odd feeling of liberation washed over him and he let a small smile play around his lips. Behind him, Duo gave a triumphant, "Yes!" and Heero turned to look. The screen now showed the same soldier standing in a doorway and watching as a line of civilians passed him. Heero followed an impulse and sat next to Duo, grabbing the second controller. His American friend stared at him in shock.

I'm becoming this

all I want to do

is be more like me

and be less like you