Title: Things Guys Should Know About Girls.
Summary: A girls' night gone awry leads a loving couple to a battle of knowledge of the fairer sex. Rogan. One-Shot.
Disclaimer: GG is not mine. (But on Sept 19 I will own season 6!)
Notes: This is a compilation of things that I read online, most of it is from 'A Guys' Response to 50 Things Girls Wish Guys Knew'. Funny page.
Laying his head on the cool metal, he let the cold make its way through his body, making him shiver slightly as it made its way down his spine. It had been a long day at work. He was ready to turn off his cell phone, sit on the couch with his girlfriend, a beer in one hand and the remote in the other and just relax for the rest of the weekend with no interruptions. If he was lucky, he could probably pry Rory away from her books and notes and convince her to have a sex-filled weekend. God, that'd be perfect, he thought with a smirk.
He straightened when he heard the elevator bell ding and the doors open. He walked down the hall and pulled out his keys to the apartment, just as the door opened and a group of girls spilled out laughing, each holding papers in their hands.
"Oh, that one was good," Lorelai laughed.
Rory rolled her yes. "Good bye mother."
"Now I'm a mother. Jeez, she has a boyfriend and I'm a mother. What has the world come to... Hey Logan."
"Hey Lorelai," Logan said with a smile. "Lane, Paris, Steph, Rose, Juliet, what are you guys doing here?"
"Nothing," the girls all answered before entering into a fit of giggles as they walked down the hall.
"Bye guys," Rory laughed as the girl waved.
"Call me later?" Lorelai asked.
"Yep," Rory answered kissing her mom's cheek and pushing her away to let Logan in.
"Bye babe," Lorelai said as she started walking away.
"See you, Lorelai," Logan answered, tongue in cheek.
Lorelai frowned before turning back to Rory who had her hand over her mouth. "Be sure to add that one."
"Yes, mom," Rory laughed as she pulled Logan in and closed the door.
"What was that about?" Logan asked dropping his briefcase at the entryway and loosening his tie. He walked in and looked at the living room where Rory was cleaning up. He saw the massive amounts of junk food, open DVD cases, and papers with printed words on them scattered around the table.
He slipped off his shoes and shed his jacket, draping it over the couch and picked one of the papers up while unbuttoning his shirt.
With a smirk he read off the writing on the paper. "Number 58: Every girl should eventually get three things from her boyfriend - a stuffed animal, one of his sweatshirts and a really pretty ring. Even if it's not a serious relationship." With a frown he looked at Rory who was frozen mid bend to pick up one of the papers. "What's this, Ace?"
"It's nothing," she said gathering the rest quickly and reaching out for the one he had in his hand. He quickly sidestepped her.
"You know, according to this, I'm missing one."
"Logan." She warned.
"I mean I got you Elbert. He sits proudly on the bed everyday. You wear my Yale Tennis sweatshirt when you get cold, now about this ring..."
"Logan," she warned.
"No, Ace, this is right, a ring is a must. Now, do you prefer diamonds or your birthstone?" He teased.
Rory sighed. "Fine, make fun of the list."
"You mean there's more of these?" He asked looking back at the page he had in his hand. "Number 55: Beware of every single male relative and all guy friends. Any of them would kick your boyfriend's ass at the drop of a hat at any sign of a broken heart, and a lot of them wouldn't wait for the damn hat."
"We though of Luke for that one," Rory muttered, reaching out for the page again, but Logan pulled away.
"I wanna hear these and how they came about," he said, causing Rory to glare at him.
"Logan, what goes on at girls' night stays at girls' night."
"Ah, but said girls left these here for me to see, therefore I revoke secrecy rights and keep this page ransom," he said holding the page over his head.
"You can't revoke girls' night secrecy, Logan! One, you're not a girl! And two, keep them, you guys should learn those anyway," she said throwing away the Chinese take out boxes and clearing the table, putting the pages, nicely stacked, in the center. Logan sat and he frowned over some of the things on the list.
"I still don't get what this list is," Logan told her as she sat down on the floor next to his legs.
Rory rolled her eyes. She was planning on telling him anyway, it wasn't that big of a deal. And knowing Logan, he'd probably get a kick out of it. Which he proved that point when he teased her about number 58.
"It's a list of what guys should know about girls," Rory said matter-of-factly.
"Really, would you like to share with the class, Miss Gilmore?" He teased giving her back the paper in his hands. She put it in its place and nodded.
"Sure, but you've got to listen to each one before you mock."
"There will be no mocking."
Rory laughed. "Trust me, we made fun of these. You'll mock."
"Fine, I'll listen before I mock," he said with a smirk as she grabbed the sheets and made herself comfortable next to him on the couch. "But before I do…" He got up and went to the kitchen, grabbing a couple of beers and a mug of coffee and going back to the living room. He set the coffee down for Rory and the beers he set next to it.
"Hard day?" Rory asked with a raised eyebrow as he popped the cap of the first bottle.
"Rather not talk about it, now number one."
Rory sighed as she tucked her feet underneath her body and took a breath before starting. "Okay, so after you went to work this morning, Mom called and said we hadn't had a girls' day for a while and I agreed, so we called the girls, they came over and we started talking." She gave a laugh as she remembered early in the afternoon.
"I was on the laptop and I came across this website and started laughing. It was a list of what guys should know about girls. Each one of us has a copy."
"Well, let's hear it," Logan coaxed taking a drag of his beer.
"All right, my mom liked this one. Number one: Once a woman is yours, stare in adoration when she walks into the room, from time to time. If she asks you 'what?', reply with 'nothing' and smile like Cupid's been shooting at your ass with a harpoon gun."
Logan laughed. "Harpoon gun, huh?"
"Oh, these get better," Rory said. "Number two: You have to tell a girl how you feel about her, we make no assumptions."
Logan snorted. "Trust me, you don't want to hear guys' feelings, Ace."
Rory rolled her eyes, but continued. "Number Three: It never hurts to work out."
Logan nodded, sticking out his lip in contemplation. "Yeah okay, but how 'bout you and the girls come with us. We can start our own football team."
Rory glared at him. "Number four: Girls like sex just as much, if not more, than guys."
Logan smirked. He would love seeing her blush with this next comment. "You better enjoy it, Ace. Do you have any idea how much work we put into it? Making a male come is easy. Insert somewhere close, warm, it would be better if it were moist, thrust, repeat. Now making a woman come, therein lies a challenge."
Right on cue Rory blushed as she looked down at the paper, looking for her place, causing Logan to smirk. "Number five," she continued, "Girls need food, water and compliments to survive."
"Guys need beer, sex and silence afterward," Logan shot back, causing Rory to snort before continuing.
"Being able to make us laugh is so much more important than how much a guy can bench press."
Logan snorted at the one. "Come on, Rory, when a guy catches your or any other girl's attention, you aren't thinking 'I'll bet that guy is fucking hilarious!' You're thinking 'God, that guy has a nice ass.'"
"How the hell would you know!" Rory asked.
"'Cause you were thinking it when you met me."
Rory smiled. "Must be nice living in the world of fantasy."
"It is, thank you... next?"
"I don't think I want to read to you anymore, you've been very cynical this whole time."
Logan laughed. "Come on, Ror, you know I don't mean any of this, but these things are crazy. Come on, give me the next one."
Rory thought about it for a minute before looking back down and looking for one he'd agree with. "We may think you are gay if you wear tighty whities on a regular basis and are over the age of 10."
"Okay, that one I agree with," Logan said, pointing the beer her way.
"Hold our hand," Rory said.
"Cup our balls."
She rolled her eyes at his blunt attitude. "No back seat drivers."
Logan shook his head. "Learn how to drive and we'll shut up. When we tell you what to do and how to drive our cars it's because we are concerned for the well being of everyone involved, and when there's a girl behind the wheel, that means everybody on the road."
"I'm not that bad of a driver!" Rory objected.
"Yeah, when you're driving automatic. Why do you think I never let you drive my car, you suck at driving stick."
"It's a Gilmore gene!" Rory defended. "We are not capable of driving misogynistic sticks."
"Rory, my car is not sexist, you just don't know how to drive it."
Rory rolled her eyes as she went back down to her list and switched pages. "PMS is a natural thing. Guys don't have it, so don't act like you know what it's like. Instead of complaining about it, get us a box of tampons, rub our tummy and hand over the chocolate."
"So treat you like Buddha?" Logan asked with a smirk.
Rory smiled. Logan and her already had their ritual down for that time of the month anyway. There had been some months when she would get very bad cramps and he'd make her tea and pull her into his lap, rubbing her stomach and whispering in her ear, making her forget temporarily about the pain. She'd always found it sweet that he knew just what to do to make her better. But then again he had a sister, so he knew what to expect each month.
"Here's one that you might want to pass on to Finn," Rory said looking down at the list. "Memorize important dates. Girls want to have an anniversary for everything. If you break up, be prepared to remember your original anniversary as well as the anniversary of your reconciliation. You forget the date of any important event, i.e. first kiss, first date, fist night together... etc... you're basically screwed for life."
"I'll tell Finn," he laughed, knowing that Rosemary was one of the girls that loved to celebrate everything that she and Finn had done together while Finn was more of the guy that celebrated Thursdays, just because the day was there.
"Setting up a get together with your girlfriend while you and your friends play video games/poker does not count as 'quality time'," she said glairing at Logan who smirked.
"No," he agreed. "It doesn't, but neither does shopping. Try having a little patience, like we guys do when we wait by ourselves in the middle of Victoria's Secret feeling like pervs while you try on underwear. And hey, no one stops you from joining us. We find that a girl that can play video games or poker and is willing to join us, is extremely sexy."
Rory laughed. "You would." She laughed at the next one, knowing it was Lane and her mother's humor. "We're smarter than guys, so get over it and stop bitching when we get better grades or jobs than you."
Logan gaped at her. "That's probably the most inane and sexist thing I have ever heard, but if it makes you girls feel better to think that, then you go right ahead, I won't stop you."
Rory rolled her eyes, then laughed. "Oh okay, here's one. 'If you're developing such good finger skills playing video games, you better put them to good use once in a while."
Logan looked down at his fingers and nodded. "I think I have that one covered."
Rory blushed once more before looking through the pages to find another one. "The 'little things' in a relationship are really the biggest."
"Is that a penis reference?" Logan asked. "Because if it is, I take offence to that."
"Foreplay isn't something we should ask for... it's a prerequisite."
"There always seems to be a prerequisite," Logan muttered with a roll of his eyes. "And I also have that one covered thank you."
"Okay, these are the last two," Rory said.
"Oh, come on, I know you have more on that list of yours."
"Yes, but I'm tired of you mocking these."
"You are not," Logan said, opening the second beer. "Come on, let's hear the last two."
"If we happen to trip/fall/slip when wearing exceptionally high shoes, go ahead and laugh, there's a 99 percent chance we will be too, that is unless we get hurt."
"Oh, we will laugh, Ace, but we'll always be there to pick you girls up as well," He said with a smile, causing her to smile up at him and move over so that she was sitting against his side.
"Okay, and here's the last one and it's actually on the top of our list."
"What is it?"
"We reserve the right to hate all of your ex-girlfriends."
Logan laughed and kissed the top of her head. "Just a little info, Ace, we usually hate them too. That''s why we're not with them anymore."
Rory threw the pages onto the coffee table and hugged Logan's middle. They stayed in a comfortable silence for a few minutes before Rory moved to straddle his hips and kissed him lightly on his lips.
"You know that's all bullshit, right?"
"What is?" Logan asked looking up at her from hooded eyes.
"That list," Rory said kissing him again. "We just printed it out for a laugh. We love you guys just the way you are and we would never want you to change."
"And you know all the comments I made were bull too, right?"
"I know," she whispered.
"Because let me tell you, had I said all those comments to anyone but you, I would have gotten my ass kicked."
"Yeah," Rory laughed, "Steph can so take you."
"Lane looks pretty strong," He muttered wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her closer. He kissed her lightly as she spoke against his lips.
"Yeah, we started that football team, she's buffed up some since the last time you saw her."
"Yeah?" Logan smirked. "Are you the cheerleader?"
Rory smiled against his lips. "Oh yeah, got the outfit and everything."
He laughed as he tightened his hold on her waist and got up from the couch, taking her to their bedroom.
"Logan, where are we going?" She laughed as she wrapped her legs around his waist.
"You are going to show me this cheerleader's uniform, Ace," he laughed as he kicked the door closed with his foot upon entering the room. All that could be heard from the room was laughter followed by the sounds of pleasure.
AN: I was reading an e-mail that my friend sent me like a year ago, it was things guys should know about girls. Though they were funny I knew there had to be an actual list somewhere. So I looked online.
What I found was a page of fifty things Guys should know about girls and one guy's response. So I took that and twisted it. So most of Rory's things were on this list as well as Logan's responses. It's a great list, for those who want the site, just email me and I'll send it to you!
Hope you enjoyed and got a good laugh form it, I know I had fun writing it.