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Sing this to the tune of YMCA by The Village People!

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Lucius starts us off with the first verse, Hermione sings all the rest, and then the elves come in at the end for the grand finale….

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S.P.E.W!

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Lucius Malfoy:

"House Elf!

Make my breakfast for me,

I said, House Elf!

Sweep the floor and make tea,

I said, House Elf!

Make the silverware gleam!

And don't slack – cos – I'll – be – watch - ing!"

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Hermione (covered from head to foot in S.P.E.W. badges):

"House Elf!

You must put up a fight!

I said House Elf!

Don't you cower in fright

I said House Elf!

You stand up for your rights

And you'll find - you - won't - be – sor - ry….

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Join my society – S.P.E.W!

Join my society – S.P.E.W!

I can hardly explain

Just how madly insane

I become when I see elves in pain

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Become a member of – S.P.E.W!

Become a member of – S.P.E.W!

I will make your life hell

If you mistreat an elf

So you'd better just join up and help

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House Elf!

Put that cleaning brush down,

I said House Elf!

Try this lovely red gown

I said House Elf!

Turn your frown upside down

Because I - have - come - to - save - you!

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House Elf!

Go and shop 'til you drop

I said House Elf!

Treat yourself and don't stop

Until, House Elf!

You feel like you're on top

Of the world - 'cause - you – de - serve – it…."

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(Hermione turns towards all the wizards and witches that have gathered around)

"You'd better sign up for S.P.E.W!

You'd better sign up for S.P.E.W!

If you dare to ignore

I will scream, and what's more

I will vomit all over the floor!

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You'll get a badge that says S.P.E.W!

You'll get a badge that says S.P.E.W!

As you'll probably see

They are hand-made by me

You can choose from red, blue or green

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House Elf!

You've got nothing to lose

I said House Elf!

Book yourself on a cruise

Because House Elf!

You've a pension to use

You can store – it – all – in – Grin – gotts!"

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(Hermione throws handfuls of stripey socks to every house elf she can see):

"House Elf!

Don't you ever look back

I said House Elf!

No more wearing a sack

You've got clothes now!

And I'm sure you will find

That these stri – pey – socks - are – sub – lime…."

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Elves (all now wearing stripey socks):

"We've all been rescued by S.P.E.W!

We've all been rescued by S.P.E.W!

What a wonderful girl

With her hair all in curls

She has totally changed our world!

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S.P.E.W!

S.P.E.W!

What a wonderful girl

With her hair all in curls

She has totally changed our world!"

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Repeat chorus to fade….

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Power to the elves! Here are the real lyrics for Y.M.C.A.

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Young Man

There's no need to feel down,

I said, Young Man

Get yourself off the ground,

I said, Young Man

'Cause you're in a new town

There's no need to be un-happy….

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Young Man

There's a place you can go,

I said, Young Man

When you're short on your dough,

You can stay there

And I'm sure you will find,

Many ways to have a good time….

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It's fun to stay at the YMCA,

It's fun to stay at the YMCA.

They have everything for young men to enjoy,

You can hang out with all the boys….

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It's fun to stay at the YMCA,

It's fun to stay at the YMCA.

You can get yourself clean,

You can have a good meal,

You can do whatever you feel….

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Young Man - Are you listening to me?

I said, Young Man,

What do you wanna' be?

I said, Young Man

You can make real your dreams,

But you've got to know this one thing:

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No man,

Does it all by himself,

I said, Young Man

Put your pride on the shelf,

And just go there –

To the YMCA,

I'm sure they can help you today….

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It's fun to stay at the YMCA,

It's fun to stay at the YMCA.

They have everything for young men to enjoy,

You can hang out with all the boys….

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It's fun to stay at the YMCA,

It's fun to stay at the YMCA

You can get yourself clean,

You can have a good meal,

You can do whatever you feel….

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Young Man,

I was once in your shoes,

I said, I was –

Down and out with the blues,

I felt no man cared that I were alive,

I felt the whole world was so tired.

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That's when,

Someone came up to me,

And said, Young Man

Take a walk up the street,

It's a place there –

Called the YMCA,

They can start you back on your way….

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It's fun to stay at the YMCA,

It's fun to stay at the YMCA.

They have everything for young men to enjoy,

You can hang out with all the boys….

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YMCA,

It's fun to stay at the

YMCA….

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Young Man, Young Man

There's no need to feel down,

Young Man, Young Man

Pick yourself off the ground….