Payback's A… Well, You know

A Sailor Moon Farce by BenRG


Sailor Moon was created by the inimitable Naoko Takeuchi. I'm just borrowing her friends for my amusement.

Author's Notes

So, the deed is done. According to the International Astronomical Union (IAU) Pluto is now officially no longer a planet but a 'Dwarf Planet', an object too small and with too eccentric an orbit to be considered kin to our homeworld and the other major bodies of the solar system. It therefore now ranks with the asteroids and the comets – mere space rubble rather than a true world

All very interesting and academic, but there are those who may find this cuts a bit too close to home.

Censor: K+

The Story

The head of the IAU walked into his Geneva hotel room, taking off his jacket and loosening his necktie. Well, the deed was done. This silly taboo about discussing the nature of the 'planet' Pluto had been broken and an insignificant icy asteroid had been put in its rightful place. And, of course, he had assured his place in astronomical history as the man who deleted the ninth planet.

The door of the hotel room slammed shut and locked behind him. "Ahem".

The astronomer whirled to see an astonishing sight, a tall, beautiful, mocha-skinned woman wearing a white body suit with maroon bows and a dark green miniskirt stood, hidden up to now in the shadows behind the door. In one hand she held a long, bronze staff somewhat reminiscent of a key with a heart-shaped head in which a garnet stone glowed with mystic power. "Who are you? Get out or I'll call security..." The man's voice trailed off as the woman raised a gloved hand to show him the end of the telephone cable that she had pulled out of the wall.

"I am the chosen and blessed of Hades," she announced in a melodious, wise voice. "The guardian of time and history, the Senshi Sailor Pluto. Did you not think that I would object to your slandering of my beloved homeworld?"

"You are insane! Get out! Get..." Bonk That staff is for more than decoration, you know!

"Ouch! That's going to leave a scar you…"

"Dark Dome Close!" Immediately, a flickering red-black energy shield formed around the scientist and the furious woman.

Despite the dampening affect of the shield, if you stood outside that hotel room, you may have heard the two voices, the explosions and the cries of pain.

"Not the face! Not the...!" Whack! "Hey! That hurt!"

"Dead SCREAM!" ZAP! "Do you realise that Haruka and Michiru won't stop teasing me? Let alone the Inners! Raye hasn't stopped laughing at me all week! ENTROPY STORM!" KaBOOM!

"I… I'm just doing my job…" ZAPOW! "Owwwch! Oh the humanity!"

"And don't get me started about Serena and Rini! They just stare at me with those sad blue eyes of theirs and commiserate about my being demoted to an Asteroid Senshi!"

"I'msorryI'msorryI'msorry! Pleasedon'thitmeanymore! OhGodIdon'twanttodie!"

Sometimes, it just sucks to be the living avatar of an ambiguous object at the edge of the Solar System.