Chapter 9: Retro to the Future

Narrator: ...ME!

BB: Holy crap! This is the source! He looks like that dude from the second Matrix movie...only he's in a black suit and doesn't look at all like Colonel Sanders!

Robin: It was you! All the time! Your the source of this evil Retro crap!

Raven: It seems a little obvious.

Robin: Not to me it wasn't!

Narrator: I'm a side-effect of the Retro Laser Rage unleashed upon you.

Star: How is this possible?

Narrator: Your vague question is easily answered. When Rage fired the laser he sent the surrounding area of your city back in time to expierence what it was like in the late sixties to mid seveties. The time when "Superfriends" was at its peek. By doing so he brought me back to life in more ways then you can imagine. But as soon as I realised this was all temporairy I decided that I didn't want to leave. So I built this place to keep the laser's effect upon you even longer by exposing you periodically to radiation. The effects should have worn off days ago but I kept that from happening.

Aqualad: So thats why Rage didn't shut down the experiment, he doesn't even know whats going on.

Narrator: He's too busy having sex with that hot alien to notice.

Robin: Figures

Cy: Whys you being all up in our grill with this boy, whats your deal bitch!

Narrator: I'm sorry I don't speak gangsta.

BB: He means why are you doing this?

Narrator: I'm not just any narrator, I'm THE Narrator! The very person who narrated the "Superfriends" during its long run up till the mid 80's when it hit the wall. By the 90's I was out of work, Super Hero shows became edgy and the only narrators people needed were ones that lampooned the use of needing a narrator. My profession had become a joke. So I ended up shrivelling away. But now that I'm back I intend to stay narrating every detail of your miserable lives!

BB: No way dude! I don't need you looking in to my bedroom on the weekends. That's when Raven is there.

Raven: I'm not for a second letting someone narrate my sexual practices.

Robin: And I can't stand sounding like a chauvinistic pig!

Star: I wish to have clothes that do not chaffe me and not remain Aqualad's taxi service.

Cy: I need to stop talking like I live in the gettho!

Aqualad: Well I just want my water powers back actually. Cause in this form I just plain suck.

Narrator: Sorry, but I'm big brother and you're my slaves. You can't possibly hope to defeat me and my minions!

Robin: You have minions?

(Door opens to reveal to reveal two figures)

Narrator: Titans, meet the new and improved Blunder Twins!

(Blunder twins step out, with emotionless expressions and robotic arms)

Titans: (Laugh hysterically)

BB: Them! They suck!

Narrator: You'd think so wouldn't you? Blunder Twins! Unite! Whose-it! Form of an Ice Monster! Whats-Her-Face! Form of an evil fire breathing dragon!

(Whose-it turns into an ice monster and Whats-Her-Face becomes a fire breathing Dragon!)

Cy: Oh that is whack!

Narrator: They may not be able to use their power creatively, but I can! Blunder Twins! Attack the Titans!

Titans: AHHH!

(Blunder Twins begin to attack the Titans as they all run around like morons. Robin gets tossed around by the Dragon's tail, Aqualad get pummeled by the Ice Monster. Starfire tries to help but gets frozen by the ice monster's breath. Raven tries to stop the dragon but it grabs her and prepares to breathe fire on her. Beastboy jumps in as a gorilla and shuts the monsters jaws tight. Cy punches the monster but it comes out as a "bonk" instead. It doesn't effect the Dragon and it just slams into the ground with its foot and pins BB and Raven to the wall with her fists)

Narrator: You have a choice Titans, surrender and return to your crappy parody of Retro times, or die here.

Robin: Not on your life jerk! (Throws a disc that hits the main generator in the center of the room)

Narrator: YOU FOOL! Do you realise what you have done?

Robin: Is it good?

Narrator: No its bad! Very Bad!

(BB use the distraction caused by the explosion to slither out of the Dragon's grasp as a snake and bite the other arm as a Crocodile. The dragon releases Raven and She force pushes it into an opposing wall. Starfire breaks out of her icy prison and uses her laser eyes to melt the Ice monster!)

Cy: Alright homies! We beat the Blunder Twins! Capped their asses didn't we? Old school!

Aqualad: What are you talking about I got pummeled to bits and you didn't do anything. Ow my ankle

Cy: Hush up foo, else I rip your tongue out and lick my ass with it!

Aqualad: Eww.

Robin: Its over Narrator. This place is going to explode any second.

Narrator: You imbecile! Your stupid disc thingy destroyed my radiation generator! I can't stop the flow Retro Radiation, the same kind that altered your city to a superfriends parody in the first place!

Robin: What does that mean?

Narrator: It means you've doomed us all! We're going to be blasted into a million parodies of Retro-Pop Culture! So much so that when it reaches it pinnacle we'll all be destroyed! You've doomed us all!

Robin: Whoops, my bad.

Raven: Great job Boy Dunderhead, now we're officially screwed.

BB: Least I won't die a virgin...sorry Cyborg, you too Aqualad.

Aqualad: Yeah, I know.

Cy: Pft, shows what you know. I had me some pie last night. You know when yous in the shower with some fine foxy mama and she got that-

Aqualad: Alright fine! Everyone here has been laid but me! Daulphin insits on waiting till marriage.

BB: Sucks to be you then. Even Robin's been laid.

Robin: Can we stop talking about getting laid, we're going to die!

BB: At this point I don't care. In the past few days I kinda wanted to die anyway. Rae can we have one last hot makeout session before its too late.

Raven: Works for me. (Pulls BB into a hot makeout where they totally go at it)

Aqualad: Breathe godamnit you two! God you're both going to swallow each other's heads!

Cy: Your just pissed cause you want some of that action.

Aqualad: True. So very true.

(Large Flash of light!)

Gonna go on down to Jump Park and meet some friends of mine!

(Bow, Bow)

(Raven, BB and Aqualad waiting for the bus)

BB: Why do we look like we're made out of paper mache?

Aqualad: They must've cut our budget.

Raven: Murphe Murhpre!

BB: Huh?

Raven: (Pulls down hood) Sorry, can't breathe in that thing.

(Robin shows up looking real fat)

Robin: Hey you guys, you guys, you guy, Seriously you guys.

BB: What now Robin?

Robin: I have this here cake but I couldn't possibly eat all of it. Mmm, yes I can. (Chomp chomp)

BB: Can we have some?

Robin: No you can't.

BB: Why?

Robin: Cause your friggin Jew.

BB: Since when am I Jewish?

(box of nails falls off of passing truck and hits Raven in the head)

Aqualad: Oh my god! They killed Raven!

BB: You bastards!

Raven: Guys I'm fine I just have a gapping head wound.

BB: Oh sorry.

Robin: You screwed up big time that time Jew. Lets face it, your people are stupid.

BB: Would you shut up! I'm not Jewish!

(Cyborg shows up in a chaef hat)

Cy: Why hello there children.

Titans: Hey Cy Chef.

Cy: Sorry children I can't stay, since I follow a cultish religion I'm quiting the show. So long children.

Titans: Bye Cy Chef.

(Truck of ice cream crashes and the guy inside burns to a crisp whilst he runs around insane like and dies)

Robin: Sweeeeeeet

BB: Since when did you become an asshole?

Robin: Shut up Beastboy! Shut your godamn Jew mouth!

(Flash of light)

(Robin seen swinging through city in several disportinate shots, he grabs a building ledge then jumps off and the scene cuts to him swinging again. The he starts swinging down a random street, then it cuts to him swinging through the clouds)

Robin: Why is the skyline green and purple and why is this whole place on LSD.

Robin-man, Robin-man

Does whatever a Robin can!

Migrate Continents, any size!

Catches theives like worms and flies!

Look out, here comes the Robin-Man!

(Flash of light)

Raven: What the hell am I doing in this red outfit? I feel stupid. Where's BB?

(BB break out of egg thing)

BB: Na New Na New.

Raven: Oh brother.

BB: Shazzbot.

Raven: Sweet god kill me now.

(Flash of light)

(Cyborg looking like he's obesse and in a red sweatsirt talking into a broken mircophone)

Cy: Hey Hey Hey! Its Fat Cyborg!

Cosby: Better be careful or else you'll learn something. You kids don't learn much with your hipping and your hopping and your rap music and stuff. You see life is like Jello pudding...

(Flash of light)

The year is 1987 and NASA has launched its last deep space probe, but because they are lazy something happens to zap astronaut Dick "Robin" Grayson out of orbit, freezing his life support system and seemingly at random returning him to Earth 500 years later! These are the Stories of Robin Grayson in the 25th century!

Robin: Time to have sex with hot alien babes and save the world at the last second! Come sidekick junior space cadet Aqualad! There is work to be done.

Aqualad: Why the hell am I wearing this stupid helmet and uniform?

Robin: Listen, do you want to be my co-star or not?

(Starfire walks in wearing a tight fitting white space suit)

Star: Robin does this outfit make me appear fat?

(Robin pushes Aqualad off screen)

Robin: Say Star want to be my sexy sidekick/love interest?

Star: I would love to.

Aqualad: You people are jerks.

Robin: Look out aliens!

(Everyone runs away screaming from giant laser beams)

(Giant Flash of light)

(BB and Robin in a red car with the Confederate flag on top)

BB: I told you not to steal the sheriff's moonshine! Now they gonna lynch us good.

Robin: No worries Cusin, I knows a short cut past the state line.

BB: You know, we've gone up and done stuff like this before. How come we ain't in jail?

Robin: I don't know. I can barely drive anyway what makes you think I know how the law works. Hey look a ravine!

(Honks horn as it play "I wish I was in the Land of Cotton" and jumps the ravine)


(Car pauses in mid air)

Looks like them Titan boys are in a heap of trouble again, they better wish for wings...while they still breathing.

(Flash of light)

(Cyborg lies on a table as the other Titans surround him)

Robin: We can rebuild him, we have the technology...but I don't want to spend too much money.

(Cyborg later seen running down the road in slow motion with a trash can for a torso and a mop for a leg. He also has a mannequin's arm and a bucket holding up his head)

Victor Stone is...the $60 Man.

(Flash of light)

(Robin dressed up in a paper roll costume. BB shows up)

BB: What the hell are you?

Robin: I'm a bill my friend, but some day I hope to become a law.

I'm just a bill,

Sitting here on Capital Hill,

Hoping and a praying the political losers inside,

Come to their senses and give me a sign.

BB: So what is it your being sent here for?

Robin: I want to make it law that you can't talk about evolution in school.

BB: Isn't that unconstitutional?

Robin: Do you see anyone caring?

Senator: Uh sorry Bill, they didn't rectify ya. Come with me to the shredder

Robin: Damnit, fourth time this year.

(Flash of light)

(Aqualad wearing a Nazi hat and a eye monocle)

Aqualad: It has come to my intention that several of you inmates have been trying to escape. I'm afraid that this will not be tolerated in my escape proof camp of Stalag 13. I'll be tighting night time shifts everywhere. And Saregeant Robin Shutlz will keep an eye on all of you. Especially you Garfield Logan!

BB: Oh no, not Shutlz, how will we cope.

Aqualad: I have my eye on you, know that.

BB:Understood sir.

(Aqualad walks away)

BB: Okay you get the code book Cy?

Cy: Right here, pretty snazy huh?

Robin: Is thatz the commandants code book?

BB: Perhaps it is Sargeant, but you want Colonel Aquaclink to know that you couldn't guard his stuff?

Robin: I see nothing! Nothing!

Cy: I also put a glue bomb under the Colonel's desk.


Aqualad: LOGAN!

(Flash of light)

(Robin enters a door wearing tattered prehistoric clothes)

Robin: Starfire I'm home!

Starfire: Hello Friend Robin, how was your day at the quarry?

Robin: Well I was crushing rock as usual when I realised something. Who exactly uses the stuff that we crush up into bits? And then again who cares? And why am I using a giant brontosarus to do it? Aren't they suppose to be extinct by now?

Starfire: Robin this is a kids show, no one cares.

Robin: I suppose, but on my way over I couldn't help but notice that everything I pass looks exactly alike. The houses, the trees, hell even on my way over to the kitchen the back of the room has appeared the same twice. I've past that couch twice now, I swear it.

Starfire: The producers want to save money Robin, this show is basically a rip-off of the honeymooners.

Robin: So whats the Jetson a rip-off of?

Starfire: Stupid World Fairs of the 1970's of course.

Robin: Okay I nedd to lay down. My feet are killin me from driving my car all the way here. It would be easier to just walk instead pushing a heavy car everywhere. Can I have some coco-pebbles?

Starfire: Of course.

(Flash of light)

(Robin in a starfighter)

Robin: Men, the Battlestar Titanlactica is under attack!

BB: From who?

Robin: The Cyborgons!

Titans: GASP!

Cy: Ha Ha. pathetic humans, your race ends today.

Robin: Not on my watch it does. Come on guys, lets engage in witty banter whilst we attack our enemies.

Starfire: I agree!

Raven: Well at least the special effects aren't as chessy as other Sci-fi shows.

BB: So which button fires the lasers?

(Laser fire and hit the Titanlactica)

BB: Whoops.

Raven: Just don't touch anything okay.

(Flash of light)

Cyborg: Beasty-Doo, where are you!

BB: Whelp! I ran't reak rioght!

Robin: How exactly do we understand what he's saying?

Star: I don't know, I guess I'm too much of a floosie.

Raven: Why the hell am I wearing these thick glasses and this poorly designed mini skirt? Do all smart people have to look geeky?

Robin: Quiet gang, we have a mystery on our hands. Someone has stolen a lot of money and theres a scary creature prowling around. I say we split up and search for clues. This will possibly endanger our lives...but who cares the formula has worked for years.

Cyborg: Can I at least chow down on some of those dog treats with Beasty.

BB: Why Do roo eat Rog Rood?

Cyborg: I don't know. I just do man.

Robin: Shut up hippie. We all know its because your high.

Cyborg: I am not.

Raven: A question why do people think I'm gay? Is it because I'm not entirely attractive?

Starfire: It does not matter because I screw anything that moves.

Raven: This is stupid.

(Flash of light)

(Cyborg wearing a hunter's cap and holding a shotgun)

Cyborg: Be Wearly Wearly Quiet, I'm hunting Wavens.

(Raven pop out of her hole with Bunny ears and chewing a carrot)

Raven: Nah (Munch munch) Whats up Doc?

Cyborg: Hold still you Wrassically Waven.

Raven: Hold on Doc, it ain't Raven Season its Robin season.

(Robin walks out of woods, he has a duck bill)

Robin: I resent that remark! I can tell you for sure that it is really Raven season.

Raven: Robin Season.

Robin: Raven Season!

Raven: Robin Season.

Robin: Raven Season!

Raven: Robin Season.

Robin: Raven Season!

Raven: Raven Season.

Robin: Robin Season!

Raven: Raven Season.

Robin: Robin Season!

Raven: Raven Season.

Robin: I say its Robin season and I say fire!

(Cyborg fires on Robin and his Duck bill flys to the back of his head, Robin looks at Raven0

Robin: You're Dispicable (Spits a little on her)

Raven: Ain't I a stinker?

(Flash of Light)

Robin's voice: Robin's guide on how not to be seen. Here in this picture are several people, however you cannot see them because they are trying not to be seen. In this picture we will show you the dos and don't of how not to be seen. Now I'm going to ask Miss Morgan of Whinchester to stand up. Mrs. Morgan stand up please.

(Woman stand up and a shot rings out killing her)

Robin's Voice: Mrs. Morgan did not follow the first rule of not being seen. Don't stand up. Now in this picture I'm going to ask Mr. Anglow of Milerbury to stand up. Mr. Anglow stand up please.

(Guy stand up and gets shot)

Robin's Voice: Now in this setting Mr. Peeshaw of Cannterton is hiding, Mr. Peeshaw stand up please. (Nothing happens) Mr. Peeshaw has learnt the first rule, don't stand up. However he has chosen a rather obvious hiding place. (Bush in the middle of the field explodes) Now Mr. Shorts of Downing Street has given us a conudrum by hising here in this field with three bushes. However we can deduce where he is. (Explosion destroys bushes on the left and right and finally the middle one)

Mr. Shorts: AHH!

Robin's voice: It apparently was the middle one. Now Mr. Fergilude is hiding here in this picture. He could be behind any of these bushes, that well, the car in the distance or that barrel. However we already know he's in the barrel. (Explosion destroys the barrel) Mr. and Mrs. Seltercrantz of Oxford Street gave us a rather merry chase, they left their house didn't tell anyone whewre they were going or leave indication where they were going. However their neighbour told us where they were. (Beach Front house explodes) And this is the neighbour who told us where they were. (Aqualad appears with a hankerchief around his head and really uptight suspenders. Suddenly he explodes)

Robin: And this where he lived, (House explodes) And this is where he was born (Hospital explodes) And this is where he went to school (School Explodes, Robin laugh meniacally as the picture shifts to him sitting in a field at a desk. Suddenly he stops and regains his composure)

Robin: And now for something completely different. (Explodes)

(Flash of light)

And now back to Logan's Run!

(Raven and Beastboy running through several alleyways and halls mindlessly.)

Raven: Why are we running exactly?

BB: I don't know, I'm just doing what the show's title says. I think it has something to do with being thirty

Raven: But we're teenagers.

BB: Oh...well then who cares.

(Flash of light)

(We see the New York that suddenly shifts down to a sewer lid that explodes outwards with energy expunges four tutrles into the air)

Teenage Mutant Titan Turtles

Teenage Mutant Titan Turtles

Teenage Mutant Titan Turtles

Heroes in a half Shell,

Titan Turtle Power!

They're the world's most fearsome fighting team!

(Titans jump right of Turtle Truck while Starfire drives)

Cyborg: We're really hip.

They're hereos in a half shell and they're green!

Raven: Hey get a grip.

When the evil Slade attacks!

These Turtle boys and girl don't cut him no slack!

Teenage Mutant Titan Turtles

Teenage Mutant Titan Turtles

Batman taught them to be Ninja Titan Teens

Robin: He's a radical Bat.

Robin leads,

Cyborg does machines!

Cy: Thats a fact jack!

Raven is cool but rude

Raven: Give me a break (Splats pizza on camera)

Beastboy is party dude!

Beastboy: PARTY!

Teenage Mutant Titan Turtles

Teenage Mutant Titan Turtles

Teenage Mutant Titan Turtles

Heroes in a half Shell,

Titan Turtle Power!

BB: Now we're all green!

Raven: (Sarcastic) Yeah.

Starfire: How come I must wear this Yellow Jumpsuit? Do all Earth reporters dress as this?

Cy: Just go with the flow. I don't mind having a shell.

Raven: I'm just surprised I got stuck as a part thats reserved for a boy Turtle.

BB: Cowabunga!

Raven: I suddenly have a strange craving for pizza. And I mean a real craving. Like I need to have one right now.

BB: At least our favourite food hasn't changed

(Flash of light)

(Robin in the buff holding up a sword)


(Gets hit by a juice box)

Robin: Ow that hurt.

(Flash of light)

(Aqualad, BB, and Robin dressed in brown jumpsuits wearing Ecto-packs)

BB: So what exactly are we doing again?

Cy: There was a call from this building saying a spectral anomaly had occured. We need to check it out.

Robin: Yeah whatever, I'm just going to make several sarcastic remarks and pretend to know what I'm doing.

Aqualad: I'm the just the extra character anyway. We need an even number for this team.

(Evil ghosty pops out of floor board)

BB: Holy Rasin Bran! That almost enough to scare my child-like fascination and behaviour right out of me!

Cy: Remember don't cross the streams or we're screwed.

(Titans zap the ghost and pull him into a trap)

Robin: Another job well done, lets hit the bar.

Demonic voice: Choose a parish!

Robin: Huh?

Cy: Its one of those things where they read our mind and have something attack us don't think of anything.

Demonic voice: The choice is made!

Robin: What? We didn't choose anything!

BB: Whoops

Robin: What did you do?

(Giant Marshmellow sailor walks down the street)

BB: Its the Stay Puft Marshmellow man.

Robin: Great.

BB: I was trying to think of something that would never destroy us, and then I thought back to my camping days. Mr. Stay Puft, I remember we used to roast Stay Puft marhmellows around the fire.

Robin: Beastboy's gone bye-bye Cy, what do you suggest?

Cy: I'm sorry Robin, I'm terrified beyond the capacity of rational thought.

(Stay Puft looks at them)

Aqualad: Oh hell.

Robin: Mother puss bucket!

(Flash of light)

(A dolorean speed through the sky)

BB: Doc what exactly is going on?

Mento: Its your kids Marty something has to be done about your kids! But carefully, any possible interaction between you and your future self could cause you to go into a state of shock or possibly create a paradox that could destroy the universe as we know it! Then again it could just create a small blackhole confined to our own galaxy.

BB: Wow, thats exciting.

Mento: I know, Great Scott I wonder how many running gags from the last film there will be in this one.

(Aqualad falls in manure)

Aqualad: I hate manure!

(Flash of Light)

(Slade and Robin fighting on a ledge above a large casam with laserswords, sudeenly Slade cuts off Robin's hand)

Slade: Join me and together we can rule the Galaxy

Robin: I'll never join you, you killed my father!

Slade: No Robin...I am your father.


(Flash of Light)

Robin: Okay everyone its time to Transform and defeat the evil Sladeocons! Titanbots! Transform! (Turns into Firetruck)

BB: Transform! (Turns into a moped)

Cy: Transform! (Turns into a tank)

Starfire: Tranform! (Turns into a convertible)

Raven: Transform! (Turns into a Hearse)

Aqualad: Transform! (Turns into a Geo) Ah damnit! I get the crappy car!

Robin: Well someone had to. You thought you were gonna get the race car? Pft, are you ever deluded.

(Flash of light)

(Close up on Titans water tower shape like a 'T' that opens to reveal Robin, Beastboy and Raven drawn in a zany cartoon way)

Rae, BB & Rob: It time for Titanmaniacs!

(They start bouncing on their butts)

And we're zany to the max!

So just sit back and relax!

You'll laugh till you collapse!

We're Titanmaniacs!

(Beastboy and Robin walk around stupid like)

Robin & BB: Come join the Titan Bros.

Raven: And the Titan Sister, Raven

(Cyborg runs after them)

Robin BB & Rae: Just for fun we run around the Jump City movie lot!

They lock us in the tower whenever we got caught!

But we break loose and then vamoose,

And now you know the plot!

We're Titanmaniacs!

Raven's cute and Robin yaks,

Beastboy pack away the snacks

While Batman plays the sax!

(Batman seen playing the Sax when the three titans pop out behind him and in the sax itself)

We're Titanmaniacs!

(Robin plays the villians heads like a xylophone)

Meet Mallah and the Brain who want to rule the universe!

(Saturn falls on Brain and Mallah as they launch a beam into space)

Titans East flock to together

While Madame Rouge whack them with her purse.

Aqualad chases a seal

While Starfire sings a verse,

The writer's flipped, we have no script

why bother to rehearse?

We're Titanmaniacs!

We pay for play contracts!

We're zany to the max!

There's baloney in our sacks!

(BB and Raven drop baloney into Robin's pants)

We're Animeany, Totally Insaney

Raven: Here's the show namey

Robin, BB & Raven: Titanmaniacs! Those are the facts!

(Flash of light)

(Close up on a lab where two small mice that look like Mallah and the Brain reside in a cage)

Mallah: Gee master, what are we going to do tonight?

Brain: The same thing we do every night Mallah. Try to take over the world!

They're Mallah and the Brain,

Yes Mallah and the Brain.

One is a genius,

The other's insane,

They're muntant crossbreed mice,

There genes are messed up and spliced,

They're Mallah,

They're Mallah and the Brain,










Before each night is done,

Their plan will be unfurled!

By the dawning of the sun,

They'll take over the world!

They're Mallah and the Brain!

Yes, Mallah and the Brain!

Their twilight campaign,

Is easy to explain!

To prove their mousey worth,

They'll overthrow the Earth,

They're Mallah,

They're Mallah and the Brain,








Mallah: Le NARF!

(Flash of Light)

BB: Where the hell am I? And whats with this mask. (Puts mask on face and suddenly he starts twisting around in a crazy tornado! When he get out he's still green, but has a yellow suit on) SSSSSSSSSSMOKING! (Slides over to mirror) Its time to party. P-A-R-T, why? Because I gotta! (Jumps out door into hall and stops when he sees the sign on the door saying quiet) Sssh! (Tip toes across room when a alarm clock jumps out his pants and onto the floor. BB notices it and tried to grab it. Then he takes out a giant mallet and starts swinging it around, hitting a wall and the floor until he finally succeeds in destroying the clock) Snoooze!

(Manager walks out and screams, she's wearing face cream on so BB screams and his eyes pop out of his head. She pulls out a shotgun and start shooting at him, but he jumps away and down the hall crashing through the window and onto the street below he flatens like a pancake but pulls his face off the pavement)

BB: Look ma! I'm road kill! Ha Ha Ha!

(Flash of light)

(Beastboy shown in red PJs with an "F!" sign on them, he runs around doing stupid things in this Theme song guess what they are)

Super teen extrodinare!

Beastazoid! Beastazoid!

Runs around in underwear!

Beastazoid! Beastazoid!

Rescues Washington DC!

Beastazoid! Beastazoid!

Unless theres something's better on tv

Beastazoid! Beastazoid!

His brain is overloading, it has a chocolate coating.

Textbook case for Sigmund Freud!

Beastazoid! Beastazoid!

Check out Garfield Logan, nerd computer ace.

When surfing on the Internet and was zapped to Green Monkey cyberspace

He turned into the Beastazoid, the strongest super Beast Freak

He drives the villains crazy, cause he's a lunatic!

His home base is the Beastyalair!

Beastazoid! Beastfricaci!

Floyd, the Barber, cuts his hair!

Beastazoid! Chimpanzee!

Rides around in the B-mobile!

Beastazoid! Beastazoo!

Hopes to make a movie deal!

Beastame! Beastayou!

He's here to save the nation, so stay tuned to this station.

If not, we'd be unemployed!

Beastazoid! Beastazoid!


(Flash of light)

These are the adventures of the Star Ship Titanprise, its 10 year mission to seek out new worlds and races, to keep the peace in the Galactic Federation and to boldly go where no man has gone before!

(In teleport room)

Robin: Mr. Cyborg...I'm...setting up an away team...the members will be you, Mr. Beastboy and...Ensign Aqualad.

Aqualad: Ah crap.

Beastboy: Sir, I find it highly illogical to bring along someone who is inexpeirenced and will possbily die within five seconds.

Robin: Hey someone has to be there to take the bullet. alien babes...won't...have sex with themselves.


Officer Mcreedy: Cap'n, an enemy spaceship hit our rear thruster and we're falling into a timewarp! I can't pull out of it! I don't have the power!

BB: I find it illogical that this man is here. We never even met him before the Retro laser was activated.

Robin: This can only be the work of one person. KHANNNNNNNN!

Cy: Do we know a Khan?

Robin: Oh, what I meant to say was...SLADDDDDDEEEE!

(Flash of light)

(Titans appear to be back in there old Tower)

Robin: Hey I think things are back to normal!

Mike: At least I think so.

BB: Yeah theres nothing overtly different about this place.

Tom: Except I can't find my porno stash.

Cy: I don't know something's odd.

Crow: Well you're a buzz-kill aren't ya?

Raven: Wait a second do you hear something.

Mike: No you have an inner ear infection.

Starfire: Raven is correct I do hear something.

Crow: (Acting like Starfire) Yeah its saying "Bite Me"

Robin: Wait a second! Who are you? (Points at screen)

M&tBts: Ahh!

Raven: Oh god we're still stuck in retro world.

Aqualad: It could be worse.

Tom: Well no actually its about as bad as it can get.

BB: They're right Aqualad, shut up.

Crow: He said exactly what I was thinking.

Mike: Me too.

Tom: Me three.

Raven: Hey would you three shut up!

Crow: How about no.

Raven: Thats it, robot crushing time!

Tom: Run!

Crow: Ahhhh!

(Crow and Tom run out of theatre)

Mike: Guys come back its only a movie!

(Flash of light)

Floating Head: Titans I have given you each the power of Dinosaurs, to help me combat evil with cool kung fu. Over time though this premise will deminise emmensily as we come up with more and more stupid cliches and gimmicks to draw in viewers.

Robin :Why do we care?

Floating Head: Cause I'm paying you too.

BB: Good enough

Aqualad: Why do I get the black Ranger! No one cares about the black ranger colour.

Cy: Because I'm blue, BB's green, Star's pink, Robin's red and Raven is yellow. Deal with it!

Go Go Titan Rangers!

(Flash of light)

(A reel depicting several points of BB's life plays)

It started when a green monkey did what it did,

And bit poor Gar on the wrist with a secret diesease that it hid,

His parent's cured him but gave him super powers now he's no ordinary kid,

He's Beastboy!

So if you see him you might be in for a big surprise,

he'll turn into an Animal before your very eyes,

He's tiny, creepy, fast and strong he's every shape and size

He's Beastboy!

With all new powers he's on the case,

Fighting off evil from earth or space,

He'll never stop till he makes them pay,

Cause he's the baddest kid to ever save the day!


BB: Wait a second this isn't an old show!

(Sokka of the Waterbending tribe shows up)

Sokka: Where the world am I?

BB: Thats what I was wondering.

(Raven shows up with Mandy)

Raven: I met this scary little kid on the way in.

Mandy: You're all blind to the ever approaching doom that awaits us all.

Sokka: This isn't fair! This kinda stuff always happens to me! I'm just a guy with a boomerang okay! I didn't ask to be thrown around like some kind of chew toy or something! Now I'm stuck in some void with a bunch of people I don't know. Sometimes I feel no one cares.

BB: Dude, I feel the same way. One time I had this friend who I tried to help but she died and I couldn't save her.

Sokka: Hey, that sounds like a girl I knew at the north pole. She sacraficed herself to save to the world.

BB & Sokka: Hold me!

(Both start crying and sobbing)

Mandy: Boys

Raven: Yeah, I know what you mean.

Mandy: ...

Raven: ...

Mandy: ...

Raven: Well it was nice talking to you.

Mandy: Likewise.

(Zuko runs in)

Zuko: Must find the Avatar!

Robin: Whoa dude calm down! You sound like me when I want to stop a bad guy.

Starfire: I have met the most wonderful friend.

Amy: Hey everyone did you see a blue hedgehog around here?

Starfire: Compeltely obssessed with a boy and totally obvious about it, just like me!

Cy: Guys this little freak won't stop following me.

Cosmo: And then I sunk Atlantis to get it clean!

Cy: Shut up! You're an idiot!

Cosmo: Like I haven't heard that before

(Sean from "Jimmy Nuetron" follows Aqualad around)

Sean: And thats why Ultralord kicks all other superheroes in the butt.

Aqualad: Please leave me alone! You're driving me insane!

(Flash of light)

(Large explosion propels Titans thousands of miles into the air and the land on a beach in the bahamas in the water)

Raven: Is it over?

BB: I think I sprained something.

Robin: Hey! My pants are back! I'm not wearing short shorts anymore!

Cyborg: And look I can speak plain English! I'm not a stereotype!

Aqualad: Yeah whatever rub it in guys, I know I suck.

Robin: Yeah you do, but at least everything is back to normal.

(Cock of a shotgun is heard and Titans look up to see General Rage holding a shotgun near their faces)

GR: What the hell are you idiots doing on my front lawn.

BB: Its a beach.

GR: Okay! My beach, what are you doing on my beach?

Robin: We've just escaped from your insideous Retro Laser Beam's effects! Your little TV Trash experiment is over!

Raven: Great back to his stupid puns again.

Robin: Quiet you!

GR: Well congratulations Titans, you found your way out of the madness...that was the test.

Robin: Say wha?

GR: I wanted to see how long you could last before you either died or before you figured it all out. I knew that Narrator dude had gone rogue after the first two days. I'm not stupid you know. I was just waiting for you guys to find out and eliminate him. Can't have my employees out of line you know.

Robin: So you just let us do your dirty work!

GR: Yep. The whole point of this Experiment waqs to make you all realise that you take your super powers for granted. Chances are producers would still think you super heroes were total idiots who were only watchable for young children. Sure Muramaki's staff made the show for kids, but at least it attracted other people as well. And they loved it. Well most of them anyway, comic guys still all hate your simplified asses.

Robin: So is that the real reason you did all this? To make us appreciate that us super heroes are treated more respectfully.

GR: HA HA HA HA HA! No you stupid! I was lying I just liked watching you all suffer horribly.

Robin: You little-

(GR puts gun up to Robin's face)

Robin: Grrr. (Back off)

GR: Well anyway, here some free tickets back to Jump City, I have them all on hand. Lucky you I only settle for first class, nothing less.

Robin: Well I guess I should say thank you for at least providing us a ticket home.

BB: Sweet! First class!

Star: Most excellent!

Cy: Bet they have something good on the TV.

Raven: Comfy chairs and good meditation music. All I need..

GR: Travel home safe guys, I'll call upon you when the time is right once more.

Blackfire: (Calling from beachouse) Ragey! Its Sex O'clock! You saw what I did there I subsituted Six's I for an E and made it sound like Sex!

GR: Coming honey! Alright kids shoo, General has to lead another assault.

Robin: Eww.

GR: Just get off my lawn or Pain will shoot ya. He's quite good at the "Beach Head" arcade game.

(Titans look over to Pain as he sits in a sand Fort with a machine gun)

Sergeant Pain: Look daddy! I made an exact replica of a German pillbox of the Omaha Beachhead out of sand!

GR: Daddy's proud of you son!

Sergeant Pain: I know! Can I shoot the stupid heroes now?

GR: No give them a few seconds to run for it!

(Titans run away from Rage's beachouse and onto the mainland)

Sergeant Pain: Now who am I gonna shoot?

GR: Try those drug runners I asked to come here. They should be fun. They're coming up to the beach right now

Sergeant Pain: Awesome! The fish will be snortting coke tonight!


The exact whereabout of the Narrator are unknown, he has possibly slipped into another diemension waitint for the time to return.

Aqualad is still a useless loser

Emory and Oglethorp returned to pluto to collect a desposit on their ship. Unfortunately it was null-in-void because their insurance doesn't cover "Attacks from Metal sharks"

The Drug Dealers were all killed horribly by Pain. Pain even drew a picture of him holding up one of the Dealers heads.

Sokka, Mandy, Zuko, Sean and Cosmo were all returned safely to their own TV shows. Where Mandy is still evil, Sean is still insane, Cosmo is incredibly dumb, Zuko is still moody and Sokka is still a chick magnet and attracter of many shipping wars. Yuokka, Ty lokka, Sukka and Tokka forever!

The Titans returned to their Tower and finally got around to completing movie night. Beastboy decided upon watching Monty Python's Meaning of Life, Robin suggested a Bruce Lee movie, Cyborg wanted to watch Star Wars, Starfire wanted to watch an extremely sappy romantic comedy and Raven enjoyed Dr. Strangelove and its black humour as did BB. They have decided never to mention this incident to anyone again.

Officer Mcreedy was filed on charges of bribery and explotation as well as his ties to the Scottish mafia. When asked about the charges he commented that even though they could take away his badge they couldn't take away his freedom to be a Scottish Stereotype. To fill the void he has left in the police force, the mayor has decided to increase their budget...because Mcreedy was the only cop in town apparently.

GR and Blackfire still have lots of sex...every day.