Chapter Nine

When Marie woke up alone the next morning, she found herself grateful that she wasn't in Logan's room. She wouldn't have been able to stand being alone with so many memories.

She got ready for class almost mechanically. She couldn't believe this had happened to her again, that she'd let Logan in only to have him leave her the same way he had before.

Marie sat down on the bed and tried to access any of Logan's memories that might have had something to do with Mariko. She couldn't find anything clear, but that really didn't surprise her. It had been so long since she had last absorbed him on the Statue of Liberty, and many of his memories had started to fade. Besides, Marie had no way of knowing when Logan had met Mariko. For all she knew, it could've been after he'd fallen in with the X-Men

But he had said he'd be coming back. And he hadn't said it was over between them or that he was going to be with Mariko. Marie picked his dogtags up from her pillow and put them back around her neck. She could cling to the hope that he would come home to her soon.

Rogue tucked his dogtags into her shirt and walked out into the hall, ready to face her day with forced optimism.

*** *** ***

Over the next couple of days, Rogue noticed that everyone around her seemed to be walking on eggshells every time they spoke to her. Logan and his current whereabouts was never the topic of conversation, and many people avoided having a very in depth discussion with her about anything at all. She knew that they thought Logan had left because of her, or that their relationship had ended and Rogue was broken hearted ,and she wasn't particularly in the mood to sit down and set them straight. Besides, she didn't even know where she stood with Logan. What if he fell back in love with Mariko Yashida and never came back at all? What if he came back only to tell Rogue it was over for good this time?

Rogue found herself restless at night. She wanted them to be finished laying the new carpet in her room upstairs. The fear of being alone with Logan's memories had been replaced with the desire to be near anything that could keep her believing he'd come home to her.

Logan had been gone a month, and he hadn't even called. That didn't really surprise Rogue. He'd never called before, and she hadn't expected that to change now. She'd moved back into their room, and she couldn't decide how being there made her feel. She decided to drown out the silence with background noise from the television or radio so she wouldn't have to think.

Soon, almost all conversations had dwindled down to pity-filled looks, and Rogue felt as if she'd been reverted to the untouchable girl who'd arrived at the mansion so many years ago. Her friends never came around anymore; she ate all her meals alone. If it weren't for her classes, and Jean's continued understanding—which Rogue attributed to the fact that her powers allowed her to know what Rogue was truly feeling—she would've had almost no contact with other people at all.

It was during the third month of solitude that Rogue realized she'd given everything away for Logan, and now she didn't even have him.

It was then that the emptiness came.

*** *** **

"You should tell Rogue."

"Kitty, I haven't talked to her in months, and this isn't exactly something you can just walk up to someone and say."

"Sure it is. She has a right to know."

"You tell her then."

"No, Jubilee, you need to."

"You've seen how Rogue's been acting ever since Wolverine left her high and dry—again. For all I know, she wants him back and she'll flip out on me when I tell her."

Rogue stopped short when she heard the conversation between Kitty and Jubilee. She knew she shouldn't be listening since it was obviously not something she was meant to hear, but she couldn't bring herself to walk away either.

"She probably should. You basically killed the friendship over a choice she made that really wasn't any of your business and then hooked up with her ex and didn't even bother to tell her. Wait, make that not only kept from telling her, but actively worked to hide it from her as well."

"My ex?," Rogue thought. "Jubilee and Bobby?! Well, I guess I should've known that was a possibility after the way she reacted to me hurting him."

"You're one to talk, Kit. When's the last time you sat down and shared some quality time with Rogue?"

"We're not talking about me here. Besides, you have to admit that Rogue hasn't been the easiest person to get close to these days. She's been so distant."

"Yeah, because being close to anyone has meant being surrounded by pity loosely veiled by 'friendly' smiles, and you've been the queen of it. Anyone would distance themselves from that, Katherine."

"Yeah, probably because she's gone back to her old routine of sitting around and pining for Logan as if getting him—and keeping him—is actually an obtainable goal for her. You'd think she would've grown up by now," Jubilee said.

"And talking about people behind their backs and sneaking around with a guy are two incredibly mature behaviors," Rogue thought sardonically.

"Don't be so harsh on her, Jubilee," Kitty said. "Look at her situation. She has the perfect relationship with Bobby, one based on real love, but she makes the mistake of throwing it all away for the physical attraction she has with Logan. She confuses lust for love, but Logan—of course—knows the truth. He gets what he wants from her, gets bored, and then leaves her alone and brokenhearted. Once the dust settles, and she starts to see things clearly again, Rogue realizes that she's lost the love of her life and her best chance at happiness. How else could you expect her to react?"

Rogue gaped in shock at Kitty's words. "Is that really what they think?"

"Yeah, I know. It's just hard to put up with her and her fantasy world sometimes."

Rogue had heard enough. She stormed into the room, glaring at her two supposed friends. "I can't believe y'all!" she yelled. "I'm the one living in a fantasy world? From what I just heard it sounds like the two of you are the delusional ones here. For one thing, I don't want Bobby back in any way, shape, or form. That relationship was never meant to be. Jubilee, if you can give him something I never could, then great, I'm happy for the both of you.

"And as far as Logan is concerned, we're not broken up. He had something he had to take care of and he left. Yes, when he left we were arguing and things aren't exactly the best they've ever been between us right now, but it's nothing bad enough to throw me into the depths of despair as everyone seems to think. And if you people think that Logan and I aren't sincerely in love, then fine. You're wrong, and I thought that people who once called me their best friend would know me better than that, but apparently that isn't the case.

"And as of now, I don't particularly care what you think about how what I feel for Logan, Bobby, or anyone else for that matter. You can take your opinion of me and my love life and shove it. I'm an adult, in a relationship with another adult and that's no one's business but mine and Logan's. If you want to sit here and pick apart everything in my life and put intentions that I've never even taken into consideration on my every action, then fine, go right ahead. Ever since Logan left everyone's been deciding how I feel, keeping away from me because of it, and then dubbing me closed-off and emotionally unstable. Well, that's just fine. I don't give a damn about any of you anymore."

Rogue walked away, leaving both Kitty and Jubilee dumbfounded.

*** *** ***

It was four months before Logan came home. Rogue was sitting on the couch in the living room talking to Jean when he came in, and he didn't even bother to stop as he walked past.

Jean and Rogue exchanged surprised looks, and Rogue quickly got up and ran after him. She caught up with him at the top of the stairs. "Logan!"

He stopped and turned around with obvious reluctance. "What is it, Marie? I ain't exactly in the mood to talk right now."

Rogue glared at him. "After running out on me for four months you better be in the mood to talk."


"No, Logan. There's no later. There's here and there's now."

"Fine, what do you want to know?"

"Did you fuck her?"


"You heard me."

"Is that all you think about?"

"Well, seeing as before you got that phone call I was the woman you professed undying love to, but you ran off as soon as she crooked her finger at you, I'd have to say, yeah, that's pretty high on my list of concerns."

"I was only helping her."

"For four months?!"

"She needed a lot of help!"

"You're the one who needs help."

"Look, Marie—Darlin'—I still love you, okay? Mariko's just an old friend that needed me."

"Then why couldn't you call me or write or anything while you were with her? Why did you do to me what you promised you'd never do again?"

"I'm sorry. It's just that there are some things in my life you can't be part of. If you're going to be with me, you're gonna have to understand that."

Marie's expression went cold. "Okay, Logan. I understand that."

"You all right?"

"Perfectly fine."

"I'm goin' to our room to unpack and get some rest. Meet me up there in a little while, okay?"

"No problem, Logan."

Rogue walked back down the stairs to finish talking to Jean.

*** *** ***

Logan was sleeping when Marie came into the room. She climbed on the bed with him, leaning over him. His eyes opened, and when he saw her he started to say something, but she put her finger to his lips to silence him.

"Shh. Don't say anything. Just make love to me."

Logan rolled her over, more than happy to give her what she'd asked for.

*** *** ***

I don't wanna lose you,
I don't wanna use you
Just to have somebody by my side
And I don't wanna hate you
I don't wanna take you
But I don't wanna be the one to cry
That don't really matter to anyone, anymore
But like a fool I keep losing my place
And I keep seeing you walk through that door

Logan woke up slowly, trying to figure out exactly what he was hearing. Music? He looked over at the clock. Three twenty-seven A.M. Why in the world would he be hearing music? Then he heard another sound, softer, more delicate than the song. Crying. He reached out and realized Marie's side of the bed was empty.

But there's a danger in loving somebody too much
And its sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough

He sat up and looked around the room and found her sitting by the window. She was wearing headphones, and he realized that was where the music was coming from. She had them turned up louder than what was probably good for her ears, and with Logan's heightened senses he was able to hear the song fairly well. He got out of bed and walked towards her.

Now I could never change you
I don't wanna blame you
Baby you don't have to take the fall
Yes I may have hurt you
But I did not desert you
Maybe I just want to have it all
It makes a sound like thunder
It makes me feel like rain
And like a fool who will never see the truth
I keep thinking something's gonna change


Logan's voice and his hand on her shoulder made Marie jump. She slipped the headphones off her ears and down around her neck with the song still playing.

"Logan, you startled me."

Logan crouched down beside her. "Why aren't you in bed?" he asked, his voice so tender and full of concern that Marie thought the pain inside her was going to make her explode.

"I couldn't sleep."

But there's a danger in loving somebody too much
And its sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough

And there's no way home
When it's late at night and you're all alone
Are there things that you wanted to say
Do you feel me beside you in your bed
There beside you where I used to lay

"Come on back to bed, Darlin'. It's cold over there without you."

Marie nodded. Logan took the headphones from around her neck and turned off her CD player. He then stood up, took her by the hand, and led her back to bed.

Marie moved close to Logan, wrapping her arms around him and burying her head against his shoulder. "I love you," she said. "No matter what happens, don't ever forget I love you."

Logan kissed her forehead. "I won't, Darlin'. I promise you, that's one thing I'll never forget."

And there's a danger in loving somebody too much
And it's sad when you know it's your heart they can't touch
There's a reason why people don't stay who they are
Cause baby sometimes love just ain't enough
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough

*** *** ***

Logan woke up a few hours later to find the bed without Marie again. He looked around the room and saw she wasn't in there. He frowned as he realized most of her things were gone as well.

He got out of bed and went over to the closet. Her half was empty. Panic hit Logan. He got dressed as quickly as he could and ran out to try to find Marie.

He found her downstairs sitting on the couch. "I was wondering when you were gonna wake up," she said.

"Marie, what the hell is going on?"

She stood up and walked over to him. "I'm leaving, Logan."

Logan didn't quite now how to process what she had just said. "Leaving? Leaving me?"

Marie nodded. "Yes."

"But you can't."

"I have to."

"Why?" Logan heard himself ask the question although he knew the answer. He knew exactly why Marie was leaving and he wished he could go back and change everything he'd ever done to hurt her. He couldn't believe he'd been blind enough not to realize how much he'd been pushing her away.

"Because I can't live like this anymore, Logan. I can't live with you. Since I was seventeen years old I've never known where I stand with you, if you're even going to be in my life from one day to the next. I love you more than I've ever loved anyone, probably more than I ever will love anyone, but I've cried more tears of pain over this relationship than I have tears of joy. This just isn't good for me, Logan. I need to find a new way to live—a way to live without you."

"Marie, please, stay. I'll change, I'll let you in my life. Please, Baby, don't do this to me. Don't leave me."

Marie unhooked his dogtags and put them in his hand, mimicking what he had done the first time he had left her. "You're gonna have to take care of these yourself now."

"No…Marie. Marie, I don't want you to leave. I don't want to lose you."

"Sometimes less than what you want has to be enough."

Rogue walked away from him and away from the mansion, forcing herself not to look back.

Logan stared at the closed door, holding his dog tags as he heard Marie's car drive away.

*** *** ***

And If I'm not over you by the time I get to Georgia
Then I guess I'll be Alabama bound
There was a time when I'd do anything for ya
But this time, baby, I won't turn around

I always wanted to get married, and I thought you were the one
But you never, ever asked me, and I was tired of hangin' on
You know a girl can only be let down so many times before she runs
And now this little bitty town's only got room for one of us, yeah

You always said I'd never leave, and if I did I wouldn't go far
So I know how I must look, with my tank 'a gas and beat up heart
Well baby, I'm gone for good, you can count on that
Yeah, I'm gonna keep headin' west 'til I'm too far gone to come back, yeah

And If I'm not over you by the time I get to Georgia
Then I guess I'll be Alabama bound
There was a time when I'd do anything for ya
But this time, baby, I won't turn around

I only got ten miles to go before I cross the state line
I can feel my hands shakin'
'Cause they usually turn the wheel around about this time
I heard that same ol' voice inside, I had to drown it out
So I found me a radio station playin' something fast
And I turned it up real loud

And If I'm not over you by the time I get to Georgia
Then I guess I'll be Alabama bound
There was a time when I'd do anything for ya
But this time, baby, I won't turn around

There was a time when I'd do anything for ya
But this time, baby, oh I won't turn around, yeah
No, I won't turn around

If I'm not over you by Georgia, then I'll head to Alabama
Roll on to Mississippi, or maybe Lou'siana
I'll drive all the way to California
Oh, I won't turn around
No, I won't turn around
No, I won't turn around
No, I won't turn around
I won't, I won't turn around, no I won't turn around

*** *** ***


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