Byakuya's Bottom

By, pinoykengumi7

Disclaimer: Don't own Bleach.

Belated Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Warning: Lack of Byakuya x Rukia and lots of Byakuya's stupid ideas in this chapter.

In any case, being sick is horribly horrible and I hate it. Hope you enjoy this chapter, despite my stuffed up brain while writing it. My many thanks to all my reviewers who have been supporting me throughout this whole stupid idea!

Taixishi – Ahaha. Well, Renji… my advice for him is to 'take it like a man'! Thanks for the review, and I will get around to making Byakuya be a little less cold and a little more romantic! After all, we all know that Byakuya has that little warm spot in him.

--Duckii Mustang


Byakuya was feeling a little apprehensive. Just recently, he had observed that more people were looking at Renji rather than him, when they walked down the streets as Captain and Lieutenant (and also as RIL – acronym for Rivals In Love).

And so, thoughts such as 'Is he making faces behind my back?', 'Surely he's not prettier than me', 'Is that horrifying red hair reflecting on the sheen of my silken ebon tresses?' etc were occupying his mind. It was with these thoughts that the Ice Prince set out to the hair salon. His personal hair salon. Yes, that's right. He has a personal hair salon, because no one else was allowed to touch his silky tresses or cultivate them in any manner except his personal hair dresser who worked at his personal hair salon.

Anyway, Byakuya went to his hair salon, and said to his hairdresser, "Do something to my hair that will make me stand out."

"…huh?" was the dumbfounded reply he received.

"Do you not understand? I need to be noticed. I need something done to my hair that will make all heads turn to me instead of that idiotic lieutenant when I walk in the streets of Seireitei. I don't care what you do to it."

"…" Mr. Hairdresser (yes, his name is now officially Mr. Hairdresser because the oh-mighty Byakuya-sama does not call him anything except for Hairdresser-san) seemed to have gained the goldfish ability Byakuya had in chapter 7, for his mouth continued opening and closing, and his eyes bulged out of his forehead. Literally.

Byakuya waited patiently in a comfy seat, with an icy glare intact, which immediately sent Mr. Hairdresser scurrying around with pair of scissors in his right hand and the hairdresser's trolley in his left.

Now whenever Byakuya had his hair done, he refused to sit in a chair which had a mirror in front of it. He only looked, well, admired his hair in his own mansion, where no one could hear him fawning over it. In any case, this meant that Byakuya had no idea what was happening to his hair.

"Hairdresser-san, I want foils." This was something that he had picked up during his stay in the human world. Every hair salon had it pasted up on a big poster on the window, FOILS. Whatever that was. His plan to get everyone's attention would work, no matter what.

-One hour later-

The birds chirped cheerfully. It was a wonderful day. The sun was shining and there were no clouds in sight.

Mr. Hairdresser had beads of sweat rolling down his face in rivulets. It was his first time doing foils and he was positive he wasn't doing it correctly. He made up his mind to bolt the area as soon as he was finished and to never show his face to the Kuchiki family ever again.

-Two hours later-

A big cloud hovered overhead. It was one of those grey monsters that made one cringe when they looked at it.

"Finished, Kuchiki-sama." Mr. Hairdresser's voice had a slight tremor to it, but he managed a bow and hurried Byakuya out of his little hair salon.

It was with a proud and yellow head that the oh-so-noble Kuchiki Byakuya stepped out onto the road. And at that very moment, everyone, every single soul turned their heads to look at him.

"HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!" (This was the reaction from the men.)

"dhs;ag sadkg." (This was the reaction from the women.)

'This is it. People are paying attention to me.' Oh poor Byakuya. His way of thinking was so… so thwarted. How could he take a reaction such as laughter as good?

Everywhere he went he was followed by crowds. Along his way, he was confronted by Rukia, Renji and Ichigo.

"'Nii-sama, what on Seireitei did you do to your hair?!" Rukia clamped her hand over Renji and Ichigo's mouths to prevent them from guwaffing out loud.

"Isn't it wonderful? I asked for foils. Everyone is astounded by it."

"I'm not sure that's a good thing, sucker." Renji managed to mutter around Rukia's strategically positioned fingers.

Rukia scowled and dragged her brother to the nearest mirror as possible, and left him there.

-5 seconds later-

The birds stopped chirping. Suddenly all of Seireitei was silent.



In the far distance, Renji and Ichigo were rolling around on the hills, literally pissing their pants.

"Not only did Rukia see him like that," Ichigo managed between gasps. "Everyone else did too! Nobility my ass. That hair—" He burst into another fit of laughter.

Renji couldn't even respond. He was too busy hitting the ground with his fist while laughing.

Rukia just shook her head at the two idiots in front of her.

She barely caught the faint shout of "WHERE IS THAT STUPID HAIRDRESSER?" before she resigned herself to looking at the blue sky, not noticing the black cloud that hovered over the Kuchiki mansion.

"Idiots," was all she said, thinking of one previously black-haired man in particular. She just wished that he would be a little more open with her.


Author's Notes

Just admit it. After the last chapter, this one was a complete failure XD

Though there is GOOD NEWS! I will be continuing with more chapters, and have decided to take the suggestion of kuchiki hitsugaya, which is to just make them come together little by little and then eventually make them marry at the end. In other words, it means that I have NO IDEA of when the story is going to end and that there will hopefully be more funny chapters to come!

So, if anyone has any suggestions about a theme or scene which they want in the next few chapters, please tell me. A few are

Christmas (hahaha even though it will be late)

Sick Byakuya being nursed by Rukia

So send in your suggestions, because as you can see, I'm LACKING!

All the best for next year, fellow writers and readers!