Genre: Romance, Humor.

Rating: M

Pairing: Kaoru and Hikaru.

Warning: Language, Incest, Slash, OOC.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Ouran High School Host Club.

Summary: Life for Kaoru was always enjoyable. He lived in a small, yet humble home with his caring mother, spending his sixteen years of existence peacefully. But suddenly, after receiving a letter from a father he never knew he had, things begin to get a little messy. Especially when he meets his new brother…

A/N: Written Thursday, August 13, 2009.


Two legs crossed each other in the quiet bedroom in an attempt to cause more comfort. The clock on the wall echoed all around, not helping to relieve the stress of the boy suddenly cussing when the innocent tick and tocks sounded more like splishes and splashes.

Kaoru had been sitting in his room for what felt like days; and yet, there was no way he was going to even think about leaving. Not even if he had to pee, which was exactly what he had to do right now. There was no way, and admitting defeat was not an option.

In reality, he'd been in his room a little over a day, refusing to leave, for fear of facing his brother. Like a coward rang softly through his mind, but he chose to ignore that in favor of thinking he was giving the enemy a good dose of the silent treatment.

'Like anyone could be afraid of that,' he sniffed suddenly. 'More like repulsed.'

Mori had been up to knock ominously and angrily a few times, trying in vain to drag him downstairs when asked by his mother, no doubt. Mori always had had a soft side for Yukino, treating the woman as if she were his own mother. Not that Kaoru really cared today; he was having a life crisis, and if Mori didn't care, then what kind of friend was he? He didn't even bring Kaoru a bottle when he knew he needed to piss.

Giving a sudden groan, Kaoru wrung his legs together and fell to the floor. 'This is exactly what Mori wants. He wants to break my resolve down, piece by piece.' And what was worse, it was working.

Crawling pathetically to the door, Kaoru weighed his options. On one hand, he could stay in his room and piss himself, possibly blow up his bladder in the process, living in misery the rest of his life. On the other hand, however, he could be a man and run to the bathroom, hopefully ignoring any evil twin brothers on the way.

He had to stop and think for only a few seconds before his mind was made up.

Carefully twisting open the door knob so as to not make any sudden sounds, Kaoru opened the door all the way and with quick, measured and in no way manic swings of his head, surveyed the hall way. To his left there was no danger. To his right…came the sound of heavy snoring.

Bing-o.

Paranoia curling around the edge of his senses, Kaoru took no time to jut forward and run in the direction of the bathroom. Had he been in a particularly observant mood, he would have noticed the table in front of him. But he was currently a man of need, so no such thoughts came forth, causing him to bump into it and knock down a picture frame. Well damn, he'd never been a person of stealth. Quickly, he set the things on the table straight and was off once again in his pursuit.

Like an angel sent from heaven, the bathroom door seemed to shine with a holy light as it came into view.

"It's so beautiful…" Kaoru whispered to himself, reaching for the knob that would lead to his relief. His fingers had just grazed the door knob, only to be knocked out of the way by what looked like a grumpy, slightly deranged version of himself, hair jutting out this way and that. Kaoru felt his insides squish together in alarm, and an indignant retort start up in his throat. It most definitely was not a cry of loss. Men didn't cry. And were in the hell had the other boy come from?!

"Shove it," Hikaru the Morning Devil snarled, venom dripping from his words. "You were loud enough running through the halls to wake the damn dead."

And with that comment, he stepped into the bathroom with his nose in the air and slammed the door shut in front of Kaoru's pale face. Just like that.

Had he come so close to victory, only to have it ripped from his able fingers?

"You…you asshole!" He chose to scream at the door, giving it a solid kick for good measure. The only response he got was the sound of the shower starting, causing him to give more frustrated screams as his full to bursting bladder constricted dangerously.

Let's just say, Kaoru never made it to the bathroom that fine morning.


"He made me wet myself, Kyouya. Wet myself! Do you know how horrible and embarrassing that is!?" Kaoru, now showered and dressed in a clean pair of clothes, screamed into his mobile phone.

"Hmm…that's unfortunate." Said the voice on the other side, not at all in the least bit pitying. Did the other not understand his suffering?

"I don't think you understand, Kyouya. He made me piss myself!" Not to mention, he'd used up all the hot water, leaving that surprise for Kaoru to find.

"Yes, I heard you the first five times," Kyouya replied in his dark voice, as if to say, and you're telling me this, why?

"Okay, look, I need your help." Well, that certainly grabbed Kyouya's attention. Even though silence met him, Kaoru could tell the other male was interested. "You've always been very…adept with certain situations. So, I need you to help me come up with a way to get back at him for making me embarrass myself like that."

"So, you're looking for revenge." Kyouya asked, in a slightly surprised tone. At least, as surprised as he could be.

"Exactly." This was very serious business for Kaoru. He'd never been so embarrassed in his life, so he needed advice from the most secretive person he knew. Kyouya Ootori had been first on his list.

"And what's in it for me?" Was Kyouya's seemingly innocent reply. However, Kaoru had expected this, considering the boy's penchant for only doing things if it in some form or way benefited himself. He'd defiantly make a good business man, Kaoru thought begrudgingly.

"My holographic Pokemon cards you've had your eyes on since second grade? They're yours."

Kaoru only had to wait about five seconds before he got his response.

"Done."

He grinned in victory, cheeks hurting from the effort. When Kyouya began talking again, he was all ears.

"Here's what you're going to do…"


The next morning, Kaoru woke up before five o' clock; way earlier than he'd ever woken up before, but it was all for a good cause. Queen Alexandria had looked up at him in curiosity with drooping, blood shot eyes before allowing her head to drop back down on his blankets and roll up on top of his pillows. A million dog hairs were left behind, but Kaoru had other plans to take care of at the moment.

Mission: Get Back At Asshole Twin was a go.

Even though the revenge had cost him the better part of his allowance, Kaoru felt deeply satisfied. He was glad in his choice of going to Kyouya, even if that also had cost him his whole holographic Pokemon card collection. He tried not to let the pang of loss grow too deep. He'd had those cards for years but it was the only way. Nobody else he knew was evil enough to fight against evil.

Shuffling through the bags underneath his bed, he grabbed his materials of revenge and stuffed them in the backpack settled on his back. He was even dressed all black for the occasion.

Dressed and with materials at hand, Kaoru left his bedroom, narrowly escaped the hallway table, and made his way into the bathroom that was currently unoccupied. From the distance, he could hear heavy snoring coming from the enemy.

'Good,' he thought. 'Everything's going according to plan.'

Pushing aside the curtains to the shower, he scanned the multiple bottles settled on the ledge. When his eyes settled on the most expensive looking bottle of shampoo, his eyes lit up in triumph.

"He even baths girly." Kaoru mumbled underneath his breath, rolling his eyes.

Opening up the bag on his back with a zip that made him wince, Kaoru pulled out two bottles and quickly shook them up. Moving into the shower, he grabbed Hikaru's bottle of fancy shampoo and untwisted the lid, pouring the two bottles into the other slowly before closing the lid and shaking the hole thing up once more.

It was the easiest revenge he'd ever pulled.

He set the shampoo bottle back in the exact same spot as it had been sitting before, having a feeling if he didn't that his brother would somehow know what he was up to. He wasn't being paranoid, he was just being safe.

Getting the hell out of the bathroom, Kaoru let himself fall down his door to rest on the ground once he was safe and inside his bedroom. Door locked, of course. His mission had been completed. Now, all he had to do was wait until morning.


Four hours later and still awake was when Kaoru heard the noise he'd been waiting for. A bedroom door opening and closing, heavy, sleepy footsteps stomping to the bathroom and a door opening and closing with the lock in place. The other boy was most definitely not a morning person. Kaoru chose to ignore that neither was he.

Maneuvering into a pair of innocent pants and shirt, clothing that wouldn't catch attention, since he figured black wasn't the best color to be wearing, Kaoru waited about five minutes before walking down the hall and the stairs, dancing his way into the kitchen. Upstairs, the shower stopped.

He greeted his mother with a hug and a kiss on the cheek, grabbed a box of cereal from the pantry and was pouring his milk when he heard the next thing he'd been waiting for.

A scream, followed by what sounded like badly muted cussing. Followed by more screaming.

"Aren't mornings wonderful?" He asked his mom with a happy smile, who had a look of absolute panic set on her face.


Kaoru had been expecting a punch or some type of retaliation for what he'd done as soon as he came face to face with Hikaru. After all, it was a little obvious as to who it was that'd switched his shampoo.

As soon as the other boy had walked down the stairs, dressed immaculately but with bright, pink hair clashing the image, Kaoru had cracked right away and laughed his ass off.

Yukino had responded with a simple, surprised, "Oh, you changed your hair?" Which left Kaoru to suddenly stop laughing and realize that something felt a little off with the whole situation. One, Hikaru didn't look as pissed as he'd thought he'd be. Two, he had a smile on his face. In fact, he didn't look angry at all, which made him a little angry, if not let down.

"I decided a little change was in order," he'd responded to Yukino's question. He wasn't even angry?! Hell, he didn't even seem embarrassed to be walking around with bright pink hair, which had been Kaoru's damn goal.

Yukino Hitachiin gave Hikaru a small smile, telling him she thought it looked cute, eyes lingering on Kaoru for a few seconds.

"I think it matches you," Kaoru said, small smile on his own lips before going off into a mess of giggling. He hadn't missed the tightening around his twin brother's mouth, signaling the other was anything but happy with his new hair style. So, Hikaru's act of nonchalance was all an act. He'd definitely have to thank Kyouya for this later.

"Thank you, pink's my favorite color."

Now that had been unexpected. Could the guy get any more girly?

"Speaking of favorite colors, what's yours, Kaoru?" Caught off guard by the seemingly innocent question, Kaoru found himself responding.

"Blue. A nice, manly color." He raised an eyebrow in question at the other boy, as if asking him why he wasn't mad.

"Is that so." And with that, Hikaru was gone, mumbling something under his breath that sounded like, I hope you enjoy the color forever, and up the stairs once again, leaving Kaoru with his mother who was currently shaking her head.

"Boys," She said, working on getting the pink stained water up off the floor and leaving Kaoru to his own thoughts.


Two more days had followed and Kaoru had hardly seen Hikaru around the house. When he'd casually asked his mother, she'd told him that the boy was out exploring and that next time he went out, Kaoru should show him around the town. Introduce him to some of his friends

Yeah, fat chance of that happening.

Ever so slowly the bad feeling in his stomach had been lessening. Hikaru hadn't seemed angry anymore, which had been a let down at first, but Kaoru thought it was for the best. At least this way the other wouldn't try to extract a form of pay back on him. And this way, they were even.

The ringing of a phone was what brought Kaoru out of his thoughts, causing him to give a jump as the annoying jingle floated around the room and through his eardrums. Reaching in his pant's pocket and pulling out his cell phone, Kaoru took a glance at the name of who was calling and grimaced. What was Tamaki Suoh doing calling him, anyways?

Letting out a faint sigh and pressing the green button to accept the call, he put the phone up next to his ear, only to have it assaulted by the sound of alarmed yelling.

"Kaoru? Kaoru, where did you go?!"

Eyes widening a fraction in confusion and panic at the tone Tamaki was using, even though said boy had a habit of using it more often than not, Kaoru listened to the distressed questions from his friend before interfering.

"Tamaki! What the hell are you talking about? I'm at home, where I've been all week." Tamaki always had been a weird one.

A loud laugh met his claim, causing a frown to taint Kaoru's lips. "But that can't be true, can't be true at all! After all, my dear friend, we were just having a cup of commoner's coffee when I lost sight of you."

Kaoru's first thought was that Tamaki was going crazy. He'd expected it since the first day he'd met the boy that something was a little off. Kaoru's second thought was realized with a sort of detached, dawning horror.

"Tamaki…I'm not kidding. Were are you?"

"But of course you're kidding. We've been hanging out at the mall for the past hour before you went missing and I had to find you. So I called!" Confusion was starting to take over Tamaki's panic, which was never a good thing. In fact, most of the time Tamaki was never a good thing but he'd somehow made friends with the guy. Life was full of surprises that way.

"Okay, look, you stay were you are and I'll meet you at Starbucks in about thirty minutes. I'll explain everything then, so don't move." And with that Kaoru hung up the phone, cutting off anything Tamaki had been about to say.

Running to the door and pulling on his coat, Kaoru opened the door, yelled over his shoulder to his mom that he'd be back later and took off at a desperate run through the slush outside.

Anger was starting to turn the tips of his ears red as he ran down the streets towards the mall, feet slipping on the sidewalks but he didn't care. Instead of the usual thirty minutes it took him to get to the mall, he instead got to the mall in a record of ten, and he distractedly thought maybe he'd try out for track or something of the like. But first things first, he pushed past a pack of mall rats and raced inside, made his way to the Starbucks and caught sight of his friend Tamaki's blonde head of hair glinting in the distance.

Perfect.

"Tamaki!" He yelled out loudly, ignoring the annoyed looks pointed his way in favor of moving to stand in front of said friend. "I-I made it."

A pair of arms quickly encircled him, swinging him from side to side frantically. He tried to protest but to no avail.

"Kaoru! I was so worried. You'd been acting so weird earlier, I knew something was wrong. Tell Papa what's bothering you!"

"Tamaki! Let go!" The shaking was cut off, only to have Tamaki's face right in front of his own, the boy's eyes shining with unshed, dramatic tears.

"Now, shut up. Don't talk." Kaoru barked out, already eyeing the way his friend had been getting ready to rant. "That wasn't me, you idiot."

"You mean, someone's cloned you?! We need to find out who the man was that did this, I'll get my parents to sue him and then-"

"It was my twin brother."

Silence.

"You have a twin brother?" Tamaki shrieked, making Kaoru wince.

"Yes."

"Well that's wonderful! I have two sons now! Wait until I tell your mother!" If possible, Tamaki's eyes seemed to glow even brighter than ever. "I knew something was different, and who would have guessed? Twins! Ha!" Tamaki continued to laugh to himself while Kaoru stood there, watching the other as if he were crazy.

"This isn't a good thing, Tamaki. He's crazy." And evil.

"Nonsense, he was just as wonderful to be around as you. And well mannered, to boot. He didn't even complain about drinking coffee with me, which was strange, but nice. The pink hair threw me off a little, as well, but he told me he wanted something new. Even if pink is a little girly."

"He pretended to be me." Kaoru said, anger lacing his words.

"And he did a good job, I'd say!" Tamaki responded, completely ignoring the point.

"He lied to you. Doesn't that bother you?" Because it bothered Kaoru, to be honest. Who gave the other the right to pretend to be him around his friends? And to do it with pink hair! Now everyone would think he was gay.

"Not at all, he did a good job. In fact, you two are so alike it's scary."

Kaoru's eyes narrowed at that. They weren't anything alike. In fact, they were as different as the sun and the moon. "Where is he?"

This caused Tamaki to pause and look at him. "I told you, I lost sight of him when we were leaving to go clothes shopping. That's why I called your phone." He sounded sad when he said the last part, as if he'd actually been having a good time with Hikaru. However, Kaoru could guess that Hikaru had gotten annoyed, just like he would have, and left. "I'm getting worried, to be honest."

"Why would you need to be worried?" Kaoru asked.

"Well, he's new here, isn't he? I doubt he knows his way around town. I hope he hasn't gotten lost…Oh, what if someone has mugged him?!"

As much as Kaoru hated to admit this, Tamaki had a point. The other boy had been here for only a few days and there was no way he could have known his way around. And while Kaoru normally wouldn't care, he knew his mother would kill him if she knew he'd let his own brother get lost or hurt.

"Alright," he sighed pathetically, "let's go find Hikaru." How hard could it be to find the guy? A happy Tamaki with a goal in mind was what led him out of Starbucks and around the mall for the next hour and a half.

Sadly, they had no such luck in finding anything resembling Kaoru.

Slouched and breathing heavily, Kaoru and Tamaki sat defeated on a bench, watching groups of teens walk by, but still no sign of a head of pink hair.

"Tamaki…" Kaoru sighed, "I don't think he's in here anymore."

Tamaki groaned in response before turning around. "I'm sorry that I've failed you." He took a quick glance at the expensive watch on his wrist. "However, I need to be going."

Nodding, Kaoru said his goodbyes and thanks, promising he'd find Hikaru and telling Tamaki he'd introduce the two properly in the future (a lie).

Not even ten minutes had passed since the other left and he get a phone call, this time from his mother.

Answering it in dread, he put the phone up to his ear. "Hello?" He had to sound innocent. He did absolutely nothing wrong by letting his brother get lost and/or possibly die.

"Kaoru?" Yukino's voice held a hint of worry in it. "Baby, when are you coming home? Your brother and I've been waiting about an hour and a half for you to come home. I'm going to start cooking dinner, is there anything you want?"

Oh, hell no.

"Kaoru?"

Death. Destruction. Decapitation. His brother was going to die.

"Yeah mom, I'm on my way home."

And just like that, he turned and walked out of the mall. To any passersby, he would have seemed like a normal kid. However, were a person able to peek into his mind, thoughts of blood and violence would have assaulted them. This definitely wasn't good for his psyche.


Opening the front door with a little more force than necessary, Kaoru kicked off his shoes and threw off his coat, missing the rack. Ignoring his mom's hello, he stalked upstairs, gave his brother's door the evil eye and went to take a shower.

Turning on the water, feeling like he was dead, he pulled his shampoo from the others and started washing his hair. He closed his eyes, letting the hot water that was beating against his back sooth him, intent on ignoring the frustration he was currently feeling. He opened his eyes, only to be met with the color blue running down his face.

Rivulets of the color were all around him, and it was all he could do not to scream. Jumping out of the water naked and slipping to the mirror, he looked.

"Speaking of favorite colors, what's yours, Kaoru?" Caught off guard by the seemingly innocent question, Kaoru found himself responding.

"Blue. A nice, manly color." He raised an eyebrow in question at the other boy, as if asking him why he wasn't mad.

This wasn't happening, he thought for the second time since Hikaru had moved into his home. He pulled a hand through his hair, only to have it come back with streaks of the color on it.

"FUCK!"

"Kaoru! I heard that; you're grounded, young man!"

Now he screamed.


A/N: Okay, okay. I know it's been a while since I last updated. But I have a good excuse. Anyways, I'm back and ready to write this story now that I actually can and have the time required. However, I'm going to be re-writing the first chapters because after I read over them, I realized they wouldn't do. Not to mention how horrible they were. Ugh. Hopefully this chapter wasn't as horrible and I've improved a little. Sorry about the short chapter or if it felt rushed at all, I didn't feel like writing a lot right now. I'm throwing up a lot but I was inspired, so I thought maybe I'd update. Sorry about any errors, I wrote this in about fourty minutes.

With love, Incompetence.

Thanks to: Vanilla Slash, niwa-k, HiKaoru TwinCezt 'LOVER' 10, takara94, hye, leahh, yaoifan124, DEDE, HI, , MyLiFeIsMuSiC, PirateCaptainBo, Kai's Kitty, KinKitsune01, shishiro, RatsRule, Kichi Hisaki, Kami011, Kehrico, Sceans, The Lolita Doll, DarkElixier66, Tohda, DiGi -former YoshimiKurosaki-, Murphyangel, AyamiYeli, Nekyou86, , Kerrilea, Kaname Natsumi, and AAJ Edward. Thank you guys for reviewing!

© Copyright 2006 Incompetence (Fanfiction ID: 984898). All rights reserved. Distribution of any kind is prohibited without the written consent of Incompetence.