The sun was setting. Camp would be over soon. Some kids had left. However, Eddy was only starting. Lugging a cart full of objects, he rode through the halls on Ed, who was walking like a camel.

(To the tune of "Arabian Nights")

Eddy: Oh I come from a site, from a popular site

Where the good and bad authors write

Where some stories are great

Some are merely third-rate

Some are stupid, and a real blight

With creativity

We are careful that we

Write something that is oh, so slick

So pay up

Cash I need

Listen now as I read

This tale, just another fanfic

Another fanfic

Yet not like all the rest

'Cause we all work hard

To narrate like bards

So we know it's the best

Another fanfic

But it's worth all your dough

So listen up now

And I'll tell you how

Good parodies go

They walked outside. Eddy hopped down and set up a small shop as Ed wandered off. Facing his audience, Eddy began a spiel: "Welcome to Arab Eddy's! We've got your finest stereotypical Arab merchandise! It'll bring you straight back to the Thief of Bagdad, whatever that is. How about this genuine Arab sword? It cuts through anything!" Demonstrating, he waved the sword around, accidently breaking it on a bench. "...except wood. How about this music box? It plays the 'Mexican Hat...' I mean, the 'Arabian Hat Dance!' Or what about this?" He pulled out a small rusty lamp, the kind that were used a long time ago. "This here's a genuine Arabian lamp. Don't be fooled by the fact it's rusty and probably infected. It's what's on the inside that counts."

His audience losing interest and leaving, Eddy struggled to get their attention again. "Hold on a second! This ain't no ordinary lamp! It helped out a guy a lot once. The guy who liked this lamp was more than what he seemed. A diamond in the rough. Ooh, that's deep. So do you wanna hear the story?"

Eddy grabbed some sand and threw it in the sky, where they turned to stars, twinkling in the night.

"It begins on a dark night...where some dark guys wait...with a dark purpose."


It all started one night

Not a fray or a fight

But some villains were gathered 'round

And the subject of hype was some lone sewer pipe

For inside, treasure would be found

And the biggest of all, a huge shadow quite tall

Thought being evil was a kick

If he looks familiar, it's because he's Bowser

A villain in another fanfic

Bowser and his eight Koopalings were indeed sitting around a sewer pipe that was in front of the camp building. The pipe was completely overflowing with gunk and goop. It was impossible to get in. A fat man with yellow overalls and a pointy mustache approached him.

"You're late, Wario," said Bowser.

"Sorry 'bout that. I was on my way here when Mario dared me to eat a poison mushroom...I've really gotta stop listening to that guy."

"He dared me to put lava in my shell once..." admitted Jr.

"Pathetic," said the other Koopalings.

"Whatever," said Bowser. "Do you have the thing or not?"

Wario grinned. "I had to blow up a few strip malls, but I got it."

"Did you really HAVE to blow them up?" asked Roy Koopa.

"No, but my day wouldn't have been complete without it."

"I'm not a patient guy!" growled Bowser. "Hand it over!"

Wario didn't move. "You said I'd be paid."

Bowser rolled his eyes. "Well, I was gonna pay you by NOT having my kids jump you, but..."

The Koopalings instantly swarmed all over Wario and grabbed something from him. A miniature golden figure that looked like a ride vehicle from Disneyland.

"Finally!" Bowser cried in victory. "The second golden Doombuggy half! Score!" Bowser pulled out one half of his own and put the two of them together. The finished Doombuggy glowed and took off through the night sky. "Get them!" shouted the Koopa.

They chased the Doombuggy. It did a little flip in air and then dove down into the pipe. All the gunk covering the entrance cleared.

"Who knew that there was magic hidden in front of this stupid camp?" breathed Bowser. "Now that the gunk is cleared, we can get inside!"

"Uh," said Ludwig, "if we had to use a magical golden charm to gain access, wouldn't that hint that this thing is actually dangerous?"

"Good point," admitted Bowser. "...Wario can go first."

"Me!" complained Wario.

"You can keep all that you find, but the lamp is MINE!" Bowser reminded him.

Wario approached the pipe. "Keep all I can find? It's a sewer. There's probably all this contaminated!"

As Wario began to climb in, a sarcastic-sounding nasal voice coming from inside the pipe boomed, "Who dares approach the Sewer Pipe of Wonders?"

" Wario."

"The stupid fat guy?" asked a different voice, this one lower and silly-sounding.

"That's me!" Wario said proudly.

"You suck," grunted a scratchy voice.

"Same to you!" Wario shot back.

"We don't want this guy in here!" the nasal voice was heard whispering to the other two voices. "What do we do?"

"How about we make up a dumb rule?" suggested the silly voice. "Like we name a metaphor and then only the guy matching the description can come in?"

"Good idea," said the nasal voice, "but I stink at metaphors."

The silly voice called to Wario again. "You can only enter if you're"

"I'm stuck," admitted the nasal voice.

"A diamond in the rough!" cried the scratchy voice.

"Yeah," agreed the nasal voice, "a diamond in the...what! That's stupid!" A sound was heard that sounded like someone getting smacked with a ball and chain. "Fine, fine," sighed the nasal voice, "a diamond in the rough.:

"What does that mean?" asked Wario.

"We'll make it simple for you," said the silly voice. "You're not a diamond in the rough, so go away."

"Hey, guys!" Wario called back to the Koopas. "They say I'm not allowed!"

"You're a villain, you idiot!" groaned Bowser. "Forget them."

"Good point." Wario climbed in. Suddenly, the pipe started gurgling. It blasted Wario out and into the distance in a geyser of muck and goo.


"I guess he's not the one," said Larry.

"Not the one!" exploded Morton. "NOT THE ONE! Of course he's not the one! He's another failure! We're never gonna get the lamp! What a surprise! Wario isn't noble! There's a newsflash! He's ugly, greedy, selfish, mean, nasty! It makes perfect sense he's not the one! What are we gonna do? WHAT? We're in trouble, guys! We're in super-duper, gigantic, really awful..."

Roy cut him off by punching the Koopa into his shell. "Shut up already!"

"Okay, no more ranting," Bowser told his kids. "Wario's a freak anyway."

A lightbulb appeared over Iggy's head. "Hey, wait a second!"

"What if we're the diamonds in the rough?" cried Lemmy, sensing his brother's idea.

"Me first!" yelled Wendy.

All the Koopalings piled into the pipe, which blasted them away as well.

"Dang," said Bowser, watching them fly away as well. He turned to the sewer pipe. "Hey, where did you send them?"

"Back to your castle via magic," said the nasal voice. "You wanna go, too?"

"Thanks. I really appreciate this." Bowser climbed in and was blasted away like his kids. "I've gotta find this diamond in the rooooooooouuuuuuggggghhhhh!"

"Diamond in the rough!" giggled the silly voice. "That's clever."

"Thanks," said the scratchy voice. "I read fortune cookies."


The "It all started one night" song bit is to also to the tune of "Arabian Nights." There were supposed to be several reprises throughout the story, all of which were later cut. However, parodies of them will be found here.