Title: Slinky

Author: mik109

Rating: G

Pairings: River/Jayne

Disclaimer: Please, I won't even dignify that with an answer.

Warnings/Spoilers: Not really. This is a missing scene from the BDM.

A/N: This is my version of what Jayne was thinking during the fight at the Maidenhead.


You've gotta be kiddin' me.

Ain't no ruttin' way.

That can't be the crazy girl.

She's off somewhere with that useless brother of hers, cowerin' in the streets, searchin' for the next fools to take them in.

She certainly ain't here tearin' a bar apart.

Look at that. That ain't even human. She came down those stairs like some gorram silk covered slinky.

Why do I have to stop her? I ain't never seen a show this good before.

I just wanna sit back here with my drink and take in the view.

Wish I had a cigar. That would make it even better. And a whore, too. A busty blonde to warm my lap. Cuz I'm gonna need an outlet when this is through.

Nah. Not a blonde. Maybe a brunette? With long hair that smells of violets?

Where the hell did that come from? As long as she's mostly clean, why the ruttin' hell should I care what she smells like?

Don't want no whore anyways. She'd probably just try to distract me from the main course. And I don't wanna miss any of this.

Wow. Now, that was prettiest thing I ever did see. Didn't know her legs could do that.

Just cuz I can't kick like that don't mean I can take a man down just as fast as you, li'l girl. See?

So it wasn't near as pretty but it got the job done.

Nuh uh, moonbrain. Mal ordered me to corral you and that's what I'm gonna do.

Gorram, that ain't fair.

Them certainly ain't kosherized rules. Grabbin' a man down there and squeezin' him like he's the last bit of toothpaste in the tube.

Gorramit, let go! I'm gonna need that later!

Gorram girl certainly is strong.

Gotta give her tha--