BSG -- Adama/Roslin, Kara/Lee
A/N: This, my second set of short BSG ficlets, is set at the end of episode 2x16 "Sacrifice". As with my last BSG story, this is the last episode that I've seen.
Self-interest is but the survival of the animal in us. Humanity only begins for man with self-surrender.
Henri Frederic Amiel
He wanted to hold her as she braced herself between the cold metal of the morgue table and the unforgiving steel of the bulkhead. Unfortunately, it wasn't his place. She had lost her son today so that his son and others could survive. It didn't matter that Billy wasn't her blood; she'd said herself that he was the closest thing she had to family any more. A comment that still stung somewhat.
He wanted to move from where he'd stationed himself beside Sharon. His Sharon, the first Sharon, he was never quite sure how to differentiate them. Saul had accused him of still seeing the young girl he'd first met when he looked at the pregnant cylon, but he knew better. No matter what she thought she knew or remembered that thing in the cell wasn't Sharon. Sharon, Boomer, was lying on the slab beside him, his much as Billy was hers.
He wanted to be able to offer her words of comfort, but none would come. Billy had been one of the few of them who truly deserved to survive this and he wished that made a difference. However, they'd both lost enough people to know that in the end dead was dead and who died had more to do with the worthiness of the person who was pulling the trigger than the worthiness of the dead. There was nothing he could do or say to make this better, easier for her, at least not today. So he let her go, denying himself as always.
She needed to see him, needed to hear him speak, needed to feel him squeeze her hand. She needed him to tell her that she wasn't destined to be responsible for the death of every man she ever loved. Because she'd finally admitted to herself that that's what it was that bound them together. Not the heady rush of young love as she'd had with Zack or the whirlwind tumble into passion she'd found with Anders, but the steady burn of both, strong enough to last a lifetime.
It scared her more than she cared to admit, this revelation. She'd been running from it, much as the fleet ran from the cylons, but she was finding that it was impossible to run from yourself…or your CAG. But now it was time to face her fear. She'd stopped running the moment she'd realized that it was her bullet tearing into his body. Their eyes had met for a brief moment before he'd collapsed back in pain and she'd had to scramble to get clear, to get information back to the Admiral. Since then all she'd been able to do was pray to the gods for his survival.
She could hear a soft feminine voice drifting through sick bay as she approached. Only part of her was surprised to see Dee sitting beside his bed. She'd noticed the other woman in the bar, but she hadn't realized that he'd been her date. He groaned and opened his eyes slightly, not looking beyond the woman seated along side him. She watched, wishing it was her right to sit with him. But she knew she'd forfeited that right by pushing him away time and again. She couldn't blame him for choosing the simplicity that Dee offered. He was probably better off this way. After all, he had been right as always, she didn't know how to handle loving a living man.