A/N: I got this idea from a story by crazyroninchic. I'm sure there are other people that borrowed this idea from her as well… fear not I am not trying to plagiarize you all! I'm just trying this kind of story out. Anyway, the idea is that the Golden Trio finds a Mary Sue story in the Forbidden Section in the Library. May also contain some poorly written ships, lol! I guess you could say this takes place during the middle of sixth year.
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, Mary Sues, or even the idea of this story. I just kinda own the plot.
Harry Potter and the Attack of the Sues
"Come on Hermione, it'll be a cinch!"
"Oh I don't know Ron… it seems wrong to trick a teacher into doing something like this!"
"Well you certainly didn't have a problem in second year when you tricked old Gilderoy into writing a pass."
"I don't think I was even involved in that Ronald… wasn't I petrified at that point?"
"Will the both of you quit bickering and let's get this over with!"
Three teenagers made their way into the Potions classroom where there was a slightly pompous, if not overall kind, round teacher in there. Professor Slughorn, proud president of the Slug Club which was merely a creative way for Slughorn to show off some of his prized Potions students.
"Professor Slughorn?" Harry called, hoping the teacher wasn't gone. To his great relief he heard the characteristic babbling noise coming from the Potions office.
"Harry my boy… is that you? What a surprise for my star pupil to drop in during the weekend! You're friend isn't under another love potion is he?" Slughorn asked rather worriedly and with good reason. The last time he had tried to cure poor Ron he had ended up in the Hospital Wing. Ron was I mean. Said Professor came out into the classroom to meet the three students, glancing expectantly between each of them.
"No Professor. I was just wondering if I might get a pass so that I can look through the Forbidden Section. May I add how wonderful those robes look on you?" Harry added this last part rather hastily as he recognized the look of doubt on the older man's face.
"Well… I suppose you're going to look up books of a Potions related matter…" Slughorn asked, still looking a little doubtful.
"Of course sir… they don't give you the really challenging potions books in the regular section," Harry said quickly, hoping that their cover up wasn't too obvious. Slughorn broke into a wide smile and clapped Harry on the shoulder.
"Couldn't agree with you more Harry my boy!" he exclaimed loudly. With that he conjured a piece of parchment and hastily scribbled out a note. "There you are… that should satisfy Madame Pince…" Slughorn declared once he was finished. He handed the parchment over kindly towards Harry, which Harry accepted with an eager grin.
"Thank you very much Professor!" Harry said and sounded very pleased indeed. After several other practiced formalities between students and teacher the Golden Trio sped off towards the library.
"Excellent!" Ron exclaimed while examining the note. "Seems that the Slug Club has a use after all!" Harry laughed and even Hermione grinned a bit at their victory. "The Professor is a bit thick isn't he!" Ron added while handing the note to Hermione. It was also a good thing that Hermione had connections in the library, otherwise Madam Pince would simply turn her nose up at the three, note or no note.
"Humph!" the librarian grunted, examining all three students. "I suppose this will do," she finally said as she handed the note over to the beaming and innocent looking Hermione.
"Thank you Madam Pince!" Hermione said, even giving a little curtsey for good measure. The librarian allowed a hint of a smile play on her lips before once more turning back to her duties. The two boys also grinned and raced off after Hermione towards the Forbidden Section.
"So we're looking for what exactly?" Hermione whispered as the boys all rummaged through the books. Harry and Ron stared rather blankly at their friend, who sighed sadly.
"I should have known…" she muttered. Hermione then turned to the shelf behind her and glanced at all the shelves. "Gruesome Oddities… no. Edward Finkleback: Story of a Modern Wizard Murderer and Rapist… god no!" Hermione babbled on to herself as Harry and Ron were probably immersed into some sort of gruesome and disgusting book at the moment. "Hmm… what's this?" she asked aloud. There was a small book perched on the top shelf… it appeared to be bright pink which greatly contrasted against the bleak looking books on the other shelves.
"Harry… Ron! Look at this!" Hermione hissed incredulously. Harry and Ron caught the tone in her voice and quickly were at her side to examine whatever it was she found.
"PrettySprinklesSparklesRainbow's Special Pretty Journal?" Ron asked, choking back laughter. Harry shoved his fist in his mouth to contain his laughter and tears were forming in the back of his eyes. Hermione was the only one who really got a look at the book… an unbelievable thought growing in her mind.
"Wonder what it's about," Harry choked out finally after gaining control of himself. Hermione's eyes narrowed as she grabbed the book back from Ron who was too busy pulling gently at the pink lace that surrounded and covered the book.
"Bloody hell… the girl even sewed little plastic gems on the side!" Ron exclaimed. Hermione turned the book over in her hands and her eyes narrowed so much it appeared that they were slits.
"I once heard of a great evil… possibly even worse than that of Voldemort," Hermione proclaimed so suddenly that Ron and Harry were startled out of their chortling. "It is that of the Mary Sues… they strike hard with their fluffiness and unreasonable skills… and they usually end up sleeping with most of the characters of their story," she continued in a low monotone voice. Harry and Ron looked in surprise at their friend and looked half tempted to escort her to the Hospital Wing.
"Er… Hermione…" Harry began but was silenced once more by another explanation from Hermione.
"A Mary Sue is a character thrown into a certain world and she is usually freakishly beautiful and talented… don't you understand? People write fanfiction about us… and Mary Sue is a character used by such fanatics." Harry and Ron once more gaped at the girl and started to grin.
"That was a good one Hermione," Ron chuckled, punching her in the arm lightly. Hermione's scowl deepened as she glared at Ron and Harry.
"Fine… if you don't believe me why don't we take this into the Common Room and read it?" Hermione challenged, throwing the book at the bimbos. "And while we're at it… why don't we invite our other friends to join us… I'm sure it will be entertaining for all," she snapped and waited impatiently for their reply.
"Sure," Harry shrugged, "It's just a book after all!" Ron nodded in agreement and the three headed out of the library.
"Ahem!" Harry cleared his throat mockingly. Neville chuckled along with Seamus and Dean. Luna (who got in courtesy of Hermione) just sighed dreamily and distractedly while Ginny rolled her eyes along with Hermione.
"Just get on with the story!" Hermione snapped. Harry laughed and held his hands up in defeat and began to read out loud to the group.
Hogwarts Gets a Makeover (giggle giggle!)
Harry cocked an eyebrow but continued on, thoroughly convinced that it was just a book and couldn't possibly hurt him.
Like, first of all, welcome to my Special Pretty Journal! I should probably, like, describe myself to you because like (giggle giggle) then I won't have to in the story! Like, how lame would that be? Like, anyway, my name is Acacya (like the tree Acacia only cooler looking) and I have long auburn hair that falls like waves around my pale and delicate shoulders (giggle giggle)
"Does it say if she has a Snarklefiss in her throat?" Luna suddenly asked. Everyone stopped to look at her in surprise. "Well she giggles so much it sounds like she might have a Snarklefiss in her throat… they tickle your throat and fill your head with vain thoughts so that you constantly giggle."
"Oh!" everyone cried together and then continued with the story.
I have large (but not too large) green eyes that can like, change colors according to my outfit!
"So how does she know their green?" Seamus asked.
I'm about to turn fifteen in a few weeks and have had my fair share of "boyfriends" (twitter twitter, giggle giggle). Like, anyway, I'm thin but not TOO thin (I mean… I do eat about once a day as it is!) and people tell me that I'm pleasing to the eyes.
"Here comes the point of the story," Hermione drawled.
And like, one other thing you have to know is that I am totally in love with that sexy Harry Potter! He's like… the Sex God of the Wizarding World! (giggle) I would totally bear his children if he wanted me too… and like… who wouldn't refuse me?
"Oh my god!" Ginny exclaimed, looking horrified.
"Just wait," Hermione retorted, looking a little nauseous herself.
So anyway, this is my story!
Harry looked up and it seemed that his green eyes stood out strongly against his pale skin.
"That's the end of the introduction," he whispered hoarsely. Everyone looked at him and began to chuckle.
"Come on… let's see what Acacya has to say!" Ron roared, enjoying Harry's obvious discomfort. Harry flushed crimson as he glared at his so-called best mate in fury.
"Fine… but I'm not reading it!" he snapped and tossed the little book over to Ron. Ron grinned cheekily at Harry and then took the now vacated armchair so that he could read comfortably.
"It's gonna be a long afternoon," Hermione muttered.
A/N: Okay, so this is the story so far. Please let me know if you like it and want me to continue or if you have any concerns with me writing this story. Thanks!
Also… Acacia in Greek actually means "thorny and naïve" which is why I picked that particular name.