I Miss you

Lily watched as the prefects filed out of the prefect common room after the meeting. Lily was Head Girl, with James Potter as Head Boy. Lily had hated James for years, but then at the start of their seventh year she had noticed something different about him. They had started to see each other in secret in October, it was now May a few weeks before graduation and they had split up.

Lily watched helplessly as the man she loved just walked out of the hall after the prefects without even looking at her.

"James, wait," she suddenly shouted.

James stopped and turned round to face her, not quite looking at her face. Lily half ran over to him.

"I miss you," she said simply.

"I miss you too Lils, but there something you're not telling me and I know it's something big by the way you were acting."

"It's not someone else, I wasn't cheating"

"Then what? What is it that you won't tell me?"

"I can't, you'll hate me for it…"

"I won't hate you, please just tell me… it can't be that bad, if you weren't seeing someone else," said James, he was desperate to make up with Lily, especially with graduation looming and the prospect of never seeing her again. But he wasn't an idiot something had been eating her up for months, and it was coming between them. He hadn't meant for them to split up that was the last thing he wanted, but if Lily couldn't trust him with this big secret, what chance did their relationship have of surviving outside the castle.

"I can't, I just need a few more days to sort my head out, and find out… then decide and… I'm sorry," babbled Lily.

"Let me help you, I love you, I'll do anything I can to help you"

"You can't… I don't want to p…"

"Fine Lily, you don't want my help fine…" said James getting annoyed, he turned to walk away again.

"I love you," said Lily, James could tell by her voice that she was crying.

"I love you too," he said without turning round.

"Then don't…"

He turned round and took a step towards her so that they were almost touching.

"I don't want to, but if you can't trust me then I have to, it would happen sooner or later. I thought we were stronger than this," he said softly, then he wiped away her tears gently with his thumb. "Please don't cry, I hate seeing you hurting"


"No buts," said James pulling away from her again, "if you do change your mind, you know where I am"


Lily was in her bathroom, she and James had their own bathroom (sort of like the prefect bathroom, but for the head students), and Common Room. She was awaiting the results of her pregnancy test.

That had been what was eating her up inside, she hadn't had a period in almost 3 months. She had been too afraid to do the test before, but she had lost James for good now so what was the worst that could happen.

If it was negative, it would make things easier. But she knew it would be positive, she couldn't explain it she just knew. But she couldn't tell James, she didn't want to trap him, she didn't want to put him through what she was going through. She was only 18, she wasn't ready for a baby, and the war could she really bring a child into world in the state it was currently in? But could she kill her own baby, James' baby.

Time was up, Lily looked down at the white stick in her hands. POSITIVE. Not knowing what to do or feel, Lily burst into tears.

"Oh shit, sorry," said James, who had just walked in and walked back out.

Lily quickly wiped her eyes.

"Lily are you okay?" James shouted from the other side of the door, he had seen her crying.

"Uh yeah I'm fine," said Lily getting up and washing her face, without thinking she quickly threw the test in the pink wastebasket, the pink one was hers, the blue one James'. "I'll be out in a minute"

"Okay. Are you sure you're alright, I thought I heard you crying?"

"I'm fine," said Lily inspecting herself in the mirror, after a few charms you couldn't even tell she had been crying.

"Lily, what is it?"

"Nothing, and you're out of it right? You don't care," said Lily sadly more than angrily.

"I do care, you know that"

"If you did, you wouldn't have left me alone to cope"

"Lily you wouldn't tell me," said James putting his hands on her shoulders

"Yeah and I was right," said Lily pushing him away.

"Lily, I'm really bursting. Can you wait down in the common room, I want to talk"

"I'm done talking," said Lily.


"No, James just leave me alone"

"Fine Lily," said James sadly as he went into the bathroom.

Lily went down stairs and started to gather up her homework, just as she was about to walk out of the portrait hole, when James ran down the stairs.

"LILY, DON'T YOU DARE WALK OUT?" he shouted to her.

"What?" she said, so surprised she dropped her books.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?" he shouted holding the pregnancy test up.

"You went through my trash," Lily shouted.

"That is not the point, are you pregnant?"

"Obviously. Come on, you can read"

"Is it mine?"

"No it's Slughorn's," said Lily sarcastically.

"Lily, I'm not joking around"

"Yes, it's yours, but don't worry it's not your problem"

"Not my problem, you're having my baby. You had no right to keep this from me"

"I had every right, it's my body and it has nothing to do with you"

"You don't think?"

"No I don't"

"We'll see," said James as glared at Lily and stomped out.

As the portrait swung behind him, James leaned against the wall for support. He hadn't meant to shout at her, he just couldn't see why she wouldn't tell him. Was this what was bugging her, what she wouldn't tell him? Why would he hate her for being pregnant?

Just then he heard something crash inside the Common Room. He shouted the password at ran back into the Common Room. He found Lily crouched on the floor next to the sofa sobbing.

"Don't cry, I'm sorry I never meant to shout at you," he said frantically as he went over to her and tried to put his arms around her.

"No," Lily managed to say as she pushed him away.

"I'm sorry, I know you're scared but please let me help," he said.

"James you don't have to," said Lily standing up and wiping the tears away, "This isn't your fault, I'll take care of it, it won't be a problem"

"You mean have an abortion?"

"Yes, I mean come on, I'm 18 I can't be a mother I'm not ready. And I don't to bring a child into the world with this war, it's not fair on them," she said, not quite looking him in the eye.

"You can't, you have to think about this"

"I have, I've done nothing but think about it. This is the right thing to do"

"But… don't I have a say?"

"You're 18, you can't be a father, and if you're going to be stupid enough to say that we can do it, then no you don't have a say," said Lily.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Why put you through the agony of knowing?"

"Because it's my baby too"

"Not for long. Anyway isn't tonight the full moon? It's almost dark, you should go to the shrieking shack"

"This is more important"

"It can wait, there's nothing left to discuss. Remus needs you, Peter and Sirius can't control a fully grown wolf on their own, they need you more than I do"

"Okay," said James numbly as he walked out again and made his way to the shrieking shack.