Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. I do own a pirate eye patch though….

A/N: Jewel is my new muse. And I am back. Sorry for any mistakes ahead of time. I forgot to spell check.


A Sticky Baby Jesus

"Ginny, stop touching Baby Jesus like that!"

"Oh, Merlin's tupee, it's plastic. And sticky. Why is Baby Jesus sticky?"

"Honestly. My mum found it in the attic. I thought your dad might get a laugh out of it."

"Hermione, what could my dad possibly find interesting about this tiny little midget human? With no hair. And sticky."

"Could we please move on from the sticky bit? If it annoys you so badly, then go clean it!"

"Maybe Baby Jesus had a manger party with his mates and he spilled his drink on himself…"

"Honestly Ginny! Baby Jesus is plastic! He can't go round having drinks with his mates!"

"Says you. I think Baby Jesus had a rousing time. They were probably drinking eggnog. Spiked, of course. Baby Jesus got pissed and took off his clothes and shaved his head and fell asleep in your attic."

Hermione then chose to storm off in a huff and left me, alone, with a sticky Baby Jesus. Ah well. It happens.

I need to lie down. My life is so dramatic.

Climb, climb, climb. Stairs are boring.

Oh. Hello, Harry.

"Hey, Gin."

I thrust the Baby Jesus at him. "Baby Jesus is sticky."

"Why are you holding that?"

"Hermione left him in my care. So I must take him with me."

"You could have left him on the table."

"Nope. He's my friend and he has a drinking problem. And he likes to streak. I must care for him in his troubled state."

"You know it's a doll, right?"


"Why are you staring."

"Because I can."

"You're weird."

"I know. Genetics. Mum's side. Take Uncle Alastor. He flew through our wall."



"What did you do now?"

"There's no time to explain! Take the baby and run! Flee! Take cover in the loo!"


"Scatter, Harry!"

Honestly. What could I have possibly done now? Whenever Mum shouts my name, the first thing I think of is to run for cover. In closets. Or loos.

"Gin, I'm not taking this bloody thing with me. It's staring. And its nude."

"Don't forget sticky."

"Yes. You're right. And it smells a bit."

"You know I noticed that too, but I didn't want to mention it. Hermione was already bent out of shape and all."


"Why aren't you scattering, Harry?"


2:47 pm
Bedroom closet…

Well. Mum really does not appreciate anything I do around here. Honestly.

So what if I tied tinsel round Crookshanks? It prevented him from snooping round my room and sleeping on my knickers.

So what does mum do? She personally brings Crookshanks in here and then she locked the door.

So now I'm stuck with some mad cat with a fancy for ladies under things.

3:11 pm
Bedroom closet…starring….puzzled…

Would you have a look at that. Crookshanks somehow wrangled Baby Jesus from his little trunk manger and put him on a bed of my knickers. And mistletoe.

I didn't even know we had mistletoe…..

5:29 pm

Who knew snogging could take the life out of ya?

7:23 pm
Tending to my adopted child…

I think I shall rename Baby Jesus.

Isn't that what people do when they adopt kids? And pets?

And elderly people?

"Gin, what are you doing?"


"Are you writing on loo paper?"


"Yes, you are."

"Harry, do you think I would be daft enough to use something that people wipe themselves with as an alternative to a paper product of some sort?"

"Harry?" I smacked him with my Baby Jesus.

"Ow! You didn't have to hit me with that thing!"

"Did you see what you made me do? I'm a child abuser! I'll be arrested!"

"Maybe you'll go to St. Mungo's?"

"More like Azkaban!"

"Ginny, get a hold of yourself."

I stared at him.

"You're doing it again."

"Doing what?" I squinted my left eye a bit.

"Gin, give me the Baby Jesus!"

"No! You can't have him! He's an alcoholic! He needs help!"

9:12 pm
Loo…ignoring Harry….and mourning…

Harry has gone completely mad. He up and chucked Baby Jesus out the window.

9:15 pm

Hermione is not going to be pleased about this turn of events.

At least it's not my fault this time. I'm 100 innocent.

Like a lamb.

Or Baby Jesus.

Who is now resting in the bushes.

9:31 pm
Bedroom window….observing the ongoings….

What a turn of kinky events.

It looks like the garden gnomes have elected Baby Jesus as their new king, because they dragged him into one of their little gnome holes.

He'll be the king of a gnome lair.


10:06 pm
Hall closet….hiding from Hermione….

Hermione found out.

She's not pleased.

She's already cornered Harry, but thanks to my fantastic skills I managed to dance amongst the shadows.

And land here. In the closet.

So, I'm safe momentarily.

"Ginny, I know you're in the closet."


"The light is on. It's quite obvious."

"There's nobody here by that name. Sorry. Maybe you should try another closet."

Hermione opens the door and just stares.

"Why are you writing on loo paper?"

"Why? Does it seem odd to you?"

"Yes, Ginny, it does seem odd. You couldn't find any paper?"

"I found paper alright. Loo paper."

"You spend way too much time in there."

"It's my secret lair full of secrety secrets."


"Could you close the door? I'm in the middle of something here."

"Is that your diary?"

"What? This stuff? Nah. It's just….er…well…"

"Harry told me he read your first one. In which you called him He."

"Bloody hell! Is nothing private round here?"

"He also told me about jedi mind powers. Is that why you go all squinty and stuff?"

"Have you and Ron snogged yet?"

10:43 pm
Hall closet…gloating….

Hah. I showed Hermione who was boss.

She turned almost as red as dad does after he's remembered where he put his trousers.

Which is usually in the freezer.

10:47 pm
Hall closet...

Loo paper is hard to write on.

I must find a new paper product.

I must also not let Harry find you again.

You annoying thing, you.

Well, I'm knackered.

Off to bed.


12:56 am
Bedroom window…amazed….

Fancy that.

The gnomes are chanting something fierce.

Holly hell!

Baby Jesus is in the middle of their little gnome chanting circle thing.

Why in the hell are the gnomes chanting at Baby Jesus?

1:03 am
Bedroom window….still really amazed….

I don't know what that was about. After they had a bit of a dance and sang some song they all went back into their little gnome lairs.

And Baby Jesus went with them.



A/N: Okay! That was the first chapter! Once again the little line things aren't working! Sorry, but I'll have to do my best in the meantime... Let me know how you feel about this new layout. It's just something I was testing out. If you hate it, then I can definitely work to make it better! Just give me some feedback! Till next time!