Title: Female Shinigamis on Crack
Author: ficeler37
Note: Don't own Bleach. If I do, Soi Fon and Yoruichi will get more screen time.
Rating: PG
Word count: 487

Summary: What do drunk female shinigamis talk about? Work Ethics.

A/N: This is a spin off of the Himes on Crack series. Enjoy!


Nanao, Isane, Yoruichi (cat form), Soi Fon, Rangiku, and Nemu are hanging out in an underground hotspring at a summer night. (You know the one where Ichigo and Yoruichi got into after the intense training?)

Rangiku: Yoruichi-san, thank you so much for tipping us off! Who would have thought there's such a gorgeous hot spring down here?

Yoruichi: Kisuke told me about it when we were little. You should thank him.

Soi Fon's reiatsu rises slightly due to the mention of that name.

Isane: Hey, I brought sake for everyone. I also got some 4th Division secret medicine that will help ease hangovers. What do you say, girls? Let's get drunk tonight!

Nanao: Isane-san, is it safe to take these so-called secret medicine? I hope they are not secretive due to their horrible side-effects.

Isane: Trust me, I've been taking the medicine for years, and it's only secretive because it's a formula in Taichou's family. I can be completely wasted at night with Taichou and still make a 5 am surgical appointment the next morning.

Yoruichi: (Meow) Someone is getting it on with her Taichou

Rangiku (eyes Soi Fon and whispers to self): And someone is not ...

Soi Fon: 4th Division lieutenant, Isane Kotetsu, don't you find it highly inappropriate to perform these delicate procedures the morning after being under substance abuse?

Everyone feels Soi Fon's reiatsu rising steadily.

Yoruichi: C'mon, little bee. Don't be so pissy all the time. It's not like we can die from a little sugery. Hell, we're dead already. It might just take us longer to recover, that's all.

Soi Fon: Don't call me that name in front of people of lower rank! How do you think the patient would feel if she knew that her surgeon couldn't even walk in a straight line while holding a surgical knife?

Yoruichi: Why she?

Nemu: According to the 12th Division Secret Information Corps, the only person in Soul Society who would make surgical appointments before 6 am is 2nd Division Taichou and the commander of the Special Forces, Soi Fon, due to her insistence in attending the Special Forces morning practice.


Soi Fon's reiatsu is now rising at explosive speed.

Rangiku: Gosh, Isane. Have you been drinking before you got to the hotspring that you forgot about this little tidbit about Soi Fon Taichou? (sweat drops)

Nemu: Urgent report from 12th Division Secret Information Corps (Nemu has an earpiece on apparently). Probability of this hot spring being destroyed in the next 5 minutes is 80 if we sit around and do nothing.

Isane: Ahhhh, what should we do to get to the remaining 20?

Nemu (talking to herself): Open the disaster management manual file. Search for Soi Fon. No solution if Shihouin Yoruichi is absent…

Nanao: Well, she's here now! C'mon, skip to the part where Yoruichi-san is present.

Nemu (turns to Yoruichi): Please revert back to your human form immediately.

Yoruichi transforms into her naked self.

Soi Fon faints from intense nosebleed.

Nemu (talking to herself again): Close the disaster management manual file. Disaster managed.