Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to characters, settings or the general works of Joanne Rowling is purely intentional and -in fact- strived for. However it's really rather inconsequential in the grand scheme of things as I am not the proper owner of Harry Potter. And being perfectly honest, if you thought I was I'd be stunned. God disclaimers are so excruciatingly boring…




Severus Snape did not consider himself to be a particularly oblivious individual, nor did he consider himself devoid of logic. He knew, for example, that he had an unhealthy aversion to any member of the Potter family. However he was self-aware enough to realise the fact, which took a great deal more detachment than most could claim. He was, for the most part, a veritable tower of deductive reasoning and logic skills. And just to prove it: There wasn't a Suduko puzzle in the land which he could not do.

However there was a point at which even his superior mind ceased to function properly and his grey matter announced "ENOUGH! WE CANNOT COMPREHEND!" This was one of those times.

He was sitting next to Remus Lupin. The werewolf. The Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher who got Severus' job despite the fact that he was obviously better qualified and taller. The Prat. He was also sitting within two metres of a small troupe of teenaged girls wielding glittery bright pink envelopes and giggling a lot.

It was Saint Valentines Day; a holiday which, Severus' experience, had always brought an infinite variety of lunatics out of the woodwork. This year was no exception. Still, he mused, at least Lupin had not yet got to his feet and announced that short, hairy things with stick-on wings would be reciting nauseating poetry to random victims throughout the day. Nor had he suggested students request love potion recipes from him. So this year was, at the very least, an improvement on the year before.

Or maybe not.

At least the year before the girls had been too nervous to deliver their Valentines to the DADA teacher personally. Now, however - what with Lupin's goody-goody, gentleness-personified, kind-and-caring-Professor act - the giggling fools felt perfectly within their rights to clog up the entire breakfast table with their inane twittering. And Lupin was taking it all in his stride, the smug git. Honestly, Severus couldn't understand it. He'd been racking his brains constantly all morning and still, for the life of him, he could not understand it.

Lupin had probably received countless gifts in the post that morning as well. True, Severus had received half a dozen cards and a box of chocolates. But the difference was that while Lupin's cards and gifts were meant in all sincerity, Snape's were obviously heartless jokes that were most likely orchestrated by the Weasley twins. His cards were probably filled with Bubotuber pus, while the chocolates were poisoned or some such. Completely infantile, useless, spiteful and, frankly, unimaginative.

Lupin had probably never suffered that. The twerp.

Not that Severus was jealous at all, because he wasn't. It was simply academic curiosity on his part. He was curious as to what on earth it was that attracted the chirruping little fools. He was curious as to why he hadn't attracted any as well, not that he was jealous mind. Because he wasn't. He was just curious.

"Professor Snape?" A Hufflepuff girl with strawberry blonde hair interrupted his ponderings, edging nervously away from the group of girls in front of Lupin, a blood-red envelope clutched in her trembling hands.

Snape glared at her for disrupting his line of thought. "Yes?" he demanded.

The girl (Bones, was it?) blushed and stared down at her feet. "Oh…er… well you see… it's Valentines' day and I was… well I wanted to give you… this is… um…" she glanced up at him again. Snape sent her a look of disdain and raised his eyebrows.

"Will you be getting this sentence out sometime today Miss Bones or should I clear my schedule?" he asked her dryly.

She flushed scarlet, shook her head and murmured "Forget it." before turning and scurrying back to the Hufflepuff table.

The idiots he had to put up with on a day-to-day basis were completely unbelievable, Severus lamented. Now, where was he? Ah yes. Professor Lupin's moronic fan club. He just could not understand it. What did that Glorified Cocker Spaniel have to offer that he didn't?


Author's Note: I am 99 percent sure this won't be continued. It was just scrawled down in my notebook between my notes for finishing Just a Random Tuesday… and some Sarcastic Git's Rules at Hogwarts. Both of which will be updated when I get home tonight.