Title: Thinking
Author: Lisea18
Rating: K
Characters (mentioned or present): Sasuke, Itachi, Kakashi, Orochimaru.
Warning: angst. Spoilers about Sasuke
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto
Summary: What Sasuke thinks about himself.

Author's note: English is not my first language, so please forgive my mistakes (you can point them out to me, I will correct them if I find out how to).

Please R&R

Thinking

Everybody loved him. No. Everybody loved his name, what they believed him to be. The people who knew him, adults like Kakashi, knew that he was dangerous and didn't trust him. He couldn't blame them.

People had no idea how he hated himself for being weak. He hadn't been able to save his family. He wasn't growing fast enough. He had never met anyone's expectations. He had disappointed his father, then his brother, and more importantly himself.

He hated himself for being stupid and yet he couldn't stop. He hated when he hurt Sakura and pushed her away. He hated to be so cold and hard and to be over reactive about stupid things. He just couldn't stand his own behaviour.

How can you cure this sickness when you can't die? He could only look at his kunai. Just look at it and imagine it slashing his throat or his arms creating pain to distract him from his mental torments. Just look but don't touch… others would know otherwise.

He loved escaping into this dream, which was out of reach just like all of his other dreams. He loved thinking about how nice it would be to fall asleep and never wake up again, to fade, to disappear. Wouldn't that be sweet?

His brother's words still stung and echoed in his head like a mantra. He knew he was weak and stupid but it hurt to hear that from someone else, especially from him. From the person he had worshiped, loved, been jealous of, hated…

"Even if you are successful in your revenge, all you'll be left with is emptiness," Kakashi had told him. Yes… he knew that pretty well. Kakashi was strong. He had lost everyone but still went on living. Sasuke wasn't… he had never planned to survive.

Sasuke wanted to fade but couldn't do it. Maybe it was this desire that really brought him to Orochimaru. He would gain power, kill his brother and fall into nothingness becoming Orochimaru's new body. It was perfect. So when Sasuke arrived in Orochimaru's lair and looked in those creepy eyes what he saw wasn't madness or overwhelming ambition, what he felt wasn't fear… all he saw was the only dream he could achieve.

ooooooooooooooooo

Please, don't smirk, don't toy with me
You just don't have the right
To blow out the candle of my eyes
I don't mind living in your lies
I don't care if it's not right
Please, don't snicker, don't toy with me

Just don't trick me
Tied to a dream
Locked up feelings
I'm nothing
Just don't trick me

Please, don't stab me, don't aim for my heart
I'm just bind to this shattered dream
I will lay here, not making a sound
While dying from this wound
Trust me, I won't beg or scream
Please don't tear me apart, don't kill my heart

Just don't trick me
Tied to a dream
Locked up feelings
I'm nothing
Just don't trick me

Please, stop laughing, don't choke me
If needed I will lock up my feelings
And throw them all away in my inner sea
Look at them sinking, just wait and see
But I already know it's for nothing
Please, stop giggling, don't hurt me

Just don't trick me
Tied to a dream
Locked up feelings
I'm nothing
Just don't trick me

Please, don't squeeze, you're blowing up my heart
There's no one here to see and lick
Away my tears or muffle my screams
There's no one here to see the blood leak
Away from my murdered dreams
Please, don't clench, you're crushing my heart

Just don't trick me
Tied to a dream
Locked up feelings
I'm nothing
Just don't trick me

ooooooooooooooooo End ooooooooooooooooo

Please R&R. I really want to know what you thought about my story.

The song is mine too (don't use without permission, thank you)