A/N- Forgive me Gods of Ouran, for I have committed a most heinous crime. It's all below, in the fanfiction.

Warnings- Hints of twincest, dialog-but-not-really-dialog!Kaoru (really, that's all it is), 6am-itis, and a bunch of other things.

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You want to know why I let Haruhi slap you, right?

You can stop looking at me like that. I know you know that I know that you know that I let her slap you. Normally, I would've either stopped you before it got to that point, or stopped Haruhi.

I'll tell you why, Hikaru. You deserved it.

Don't look at me like that! You did. You threw your emotions at her and you know she isn't me. You know she's only got half of one foot in our front door! She doesn't know how you handle your feelings, and you know that.

What did I tell you last night? 'Just keep your emotions in check, ok?' Yes, I can quote myself!

Shut up, Hikaru! I don't care if I'm lecturing you! I'm your brother – I'm allowed to. This isn't one of our games! This is life, and this is your future I'm trying to look out for! How the Hell are you supposed to get anywhere if you don't have basic social skills? And no, you can't use me as a crutch all of the time because you need to be able to stand on your own two feet.

I told you to shut up! Just sit there, be quiet and listen.

…I'm sorry. But. Hikaru, you can't expect someone to just forget their friends because they moved to a different school. Would you forget me if we were separated? I sure as Hell hope not. Will you forget the Host Club once we graduate? Sensei's kindness? Hunny-senpai's skills?

No, you won't. We may have left everyone else we knew behind because they didn't fit into our world, but not everyone does that. Mother still has friends from her kindergarten.

I know that I was annoyed, too. But you can't expect someone to give us their attention all of the time. It's been easy for us, having each-other our whole lives, and we've never had anyone else to share our attention with. Now we do, and you're getting jealous of everyone else.

Oh, be quiet. It's my bed too, I'm allowed to sit on it. And if I want to hug you, I'll do that too. If I want to kiss you, what's stopping me?

I suppose I could be a good seme, but you'd make a horrible uke. Hey! Don't hit me, my arm's delicate, you know! Besides, you should be happy that you're the seme-ish one. It makes you more manly.

Why am I laughing? Because you're laughing. No, I'm not saying that your laugh's funny, I'm just happy that you're happy.

I know I'm weird, but so are you.

Here, give me your clothes. No! We're not going to do anything like that! For the love of—I can't help it if I'm blushing! We can't do those sorts of things in public facilities, Hikaru! I'm just going to go down and apologize for you!

We're not going to do those things when I get back, either. When we get back home; I'm not going to run the risk of getting caught. Besides, I'll probably be sore afterwards and you'll make me sleep on the floor again. My stomach still hurts.

Yeah, I love you too. What's the point in wearing the singlet if you're just gonna have the straps on your elbows? Yes, yes, I know it looks good. I just don't get why, is all.

Mhm. Do I get a good luck kiss? Oh, the scratch? I'll get some foundation, then. Did we bring any with us? Bathroom? Who the Hell put it in there?

Oh, me. Right. I remember that.

C'mon, you've got to help me put it on.

Great! Oh, my hair, too. Where's the comb?

…You threw the comb out? Why would you do that?

See, this is what I mean when I say that you need to control your emotions. You don't see me throwing combs out of windows because my twin's showering alone. It's not my fault you weren't awake.

Ah well, guess I'll have to hope that no-one says anything until Haruhi's friend leaves. You don't look good with a storm cloud over your head, you know. Good luck kiss, now! I know you already gave me one, but it wore off. Wouldn't want me to mess things up now, would you?

Alright, I'm going. Put some clothes on while I'm gone, would you? Someone might walk in and see you.

Oh, and don't be surprised if I come up with a plan to make you go out somewhere tomorrow, ok?