FF: … Erm…so does anyone remember that comment I made in Chapter 7 when I was all, "GRRR! PEOPLE WHO DON'T UPDATE SUCK LOLWHAT!?"
YFF: …Now you're the pot calling the kettle black.
FF: I haven't updated in TWO FREAKING YEARS! And here I am now, back from the dead!
YFF: And we have all who are still reading this crap to thank! She got a few reviews the other day and decided that it was a great time to restart this catastrophe.
FF: And now, I'm older, wiser, and can afford more drugs to make this story even whakier!
YFF: Oh, and we've also got the results of the Contest! It'll be a real surprise!
FF: Or not. And one more thing. WE BROKE 200 REVIEWS!! –balloons pop and stuff- THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH! WE WOULD TOTALLY GIVE YOU HUGS IF TRACKING YOU DOWN OVER THE INTERNET WAS NOT ILLEGAL!!!!
Disclaimer: ……….In the two years that I've been gone I still do not own Naruto or anything else for that matter.
On the last episode of Dragonball Z…
"Hey, everyone! Well, looks like those two minutes turned into two years!" Koto joked as she bit into her stress ball, thinking it was a watermelon, but it wasn't really and she ended up biting through it; has anyone wondered what's inside a stress ball?
"That's right, Koto! If they haven't made up some lyrics by now, then Naruto and Bob are screwed!" Juri agreed.
"So, in a huge apology to all the fans, we're going to make this chapter super special long!" Koto grinned. "And since we're older and wiser, we know we can break at least the eight page mark!"
"You hear that, everyone! Eight pages!"
The crowd cheered wildly; eight whole pages? Wow! That's like, a lot! Then they all began to wonder if that counted the annoyingly long, "Sorry we suck" author's note at the beginning, then realizing it did they all sighed in despair.
Gaara sighed in despair too, considering that he was all sad and stuff because he'd started the end of the world.
"It could always suck worse," said Milo, the magical chipmunk of Arizona.
"Indeed," Gaara muttered just to assert that he did, in fact, agree with Milo the magical chipmunk of Arizona. "So, Milo…who do you think will win this battle?"
"Well, judging from my magical calculations that are totally not this Number 8 Ball…" Milo, the magical chipmunk of Arizona, quickly turned and shook his 'magical calculations that were so totally not a Number 8 Ball' then said, "Ask again later."
Gaara, not one to doubt Milo, the magical chipmunk of Arizona, decided that it would be best to ask later.
"Will our two contestants enter the ring!" Juri said with a smile and a twirl, then jumped into a full-fledged dance off like in "America's Best Dance Crew" before being yelled at for being out of step and then ran off the stage crying and whining about needing to be held.
"Up first will be Naruto Uzumaki! He's a ninja from the Village Hidden in the Leaves and wears the oh-so stealthy color, orange! He's called obnoxious by most of his friends, except Sasuke who says he's 'On His List.' Which, to everyone else, means that he's perfectly safe from death!" Koto said causing the audience to laugh hysterically until milk came out of their noses, regardless of whether or not they were drinking milk at the time the comment was made, and Sasuke burst into tears.
Naruto stepped onto the stage, but had decided to dress up for the occasion. Instead of his jumpsuit, he wore a tight, slightly transparent orange dress and a giant banana perched on his spiky hair.
"Ah hem, hem, if I can have total silence please!" Naruto said as he stuck his nose up in the air and puffed his chest out. The crowd fell silent. "Now, my song about Barbie will be sung to the tune of 'I Love You,' from Barney! Alright, hit it!"
The DJ, who was Milo the magical chipmunk of Arizona's slightly less known brother, known as Clyde, the less magical chipmunk of Oregon, did, in fact, hit it. He hit it so hard that it burst into flames, was put out, burst into more flames, and then blew up the whole universe. Thus, they had to go to another universe where the sky was mysteriously pink and forced to continue the tournament there.
Naruto almost began his song, but decided to do a quick transformation. So, instead of being Naruto in his odd attire for the night, he became Ben Stein in a leopard print banana hammock. Absolutely disgusted, the world did a massive upchuck and began to cry pathetically. The only one seeming to enjoy the show was Sasuke, who began taking various pictures of the dancing Ben Stein; but whether he used these photographs for black mail or for the naughty things he did to himself in bed, no one would ever, or want to, know.
Naruto at last began to sing.
They are huge
Looks like they'd pop like balloons
If you gave her a hug
Now my pants are kinda snug!
Gotta change my pantaLOOOOOONNSSSSS!!"
With that last screeching note done, Naruto transformed back, and the massive upchuck finally ended, though all the fish in the universe with the pink sky died; though it wasn't because of the massive vomit fest. There was too much pollution in the water to begin with, and the fish were all depressed until the messiah fish came and said that they would follow him and they would die and go to fishy heaven. So, they all went to this giant party and they all drank this punch, but it was poisoned so they all ended up dying.
"That was…Naruto's…song," Koto said, slightly flabbergasted by what had just happened. "And what do the judges think?"
The judges, were of course, Penelope the Pineapple, a tissue, and that insignificant guy on the right side of the screen during the scene when Naruto's all emo on the swing in the first episode. But since that guy didn't get any lines, he'd mysteriously forgotten how to speak, which had nothing at all to do with the fact that Itachi and pulled out his vocal chords because he had a pretty voice and he wanted a pretty voice to go with his pretty hair, which he'd obtained from Donald Trump's various wig collections. And thus, they said nothing.
"Next up," Juri said as she cast an uneasy eye at the judges, "Is Bob! Bob, will you take the stage?"
Bob entered the stage and held up his hands, and everyone fell silent. He began to prepare the set, which involved putting on a lot of eyeliner, ("Hey look, Gaara! He's cosplaying as you!" Lee said, only to be met with a sock in his mouth because the sock was mad at Lee because he never called her back after that absolutely amazing night they'd spent together about a week ago at the casino where the actors dressed up like Indians and ran around pretending to kill people, but instead of pretending to kill people, they really did kill the people, and thus a massive CSI-type investigation was started where Shikamaru danced the Conga in a miniskirt.) He opened his mouth and began to sing a voice that made Chuck Norris pee a little.
"How about them toad
suckers? Ain't they clods?
Sittin' there suckin' them green toady frogs.
Suckin' them hop-toads, suckin' them chunkers,
Suckin them leapy types, suckin' them plunkers."
Of course, no one was really sure what a plunker was. Many dictionaries were consulted at that point as they began to look up the various strange words of the song. "Plunker," "Chunkers," and "Them" were all common searches, though less common where the "frogs" because everyone knew that frogs were the little goblins that lived under your bed and tap danced on your nose to make you sneeze and wake yourself up from an awesome dream about spicy food being fed to you by an extremely attractive person.
"Look at them toad suckers. Ain't they
Suckin' them bog-frogs sure makes 'em happy.
Them huggermugger toad suckers, way down south,
Stickin' them sucky toads in they mouth!
How to be a toad sucker? No way to duck it.
Gittchyseff a toad, rare back and suck it!"
The stadium was left in complete and utter silence before everything went CRAZY. And the good kind of crazy too! They were all a-cheering and a-hootin and a-hollerin like the world was gonna end. Which it did; and then they all went back to their own dimension which was fixed with a lot of duct tape.
"That was an amazing song!" Juri said.
"I dunno, Juri," Koto disagreed, "I disagree," she said just to let her know that she disagreed with Juri's statement. "That song didn't even have the word Barbie in it! But I'm not one to judge; let's see what the judges say."
The judges didn't really say anything, 'cause one of 'em was a pineapple (who Sasuke SWORE kept giving him eyes, but he just turned away because he was still upset about the whole cheating on him with an apple thing and had the urge to summon his woodland creatures (the whales and dolphins if you all forgot) and send her straight to pineapple hell, though he didn't question how her existence was still possible because she had been made into a fruit salad that everyone had enjoyed very much), the other was a tissue, and the last one had his vocal chords ripped out.
The guy who had his vocal chords ripped out gave a thumbs down, and since it was the only thing the announcers had to go on, they declared that Naruto had won. In actuality, the guy with no vocal chords had really liked Bob's song very much, but was motioning to the opposite side of the stadium where a large cinder block was being unloaded, and he needed to tell the crane to go down, but since he couldn't talk because Itachi was a jealous bastard, he had to put his thumb down; thus making Bob lose. The guy with no vocal chords began to cry and cry, then Sasuke came and bitch slapped him because in this story, no one cried more than he did.
FB: How many pages?
Koto smiled happily as she gnawed on her poké ball. "Pika pika! pikachu pika."
Juri nodded in complete agreement. "Bulba, bulbasaur!"
And with the next contest named, Kakashi and Neji stepped onto the floor, both determined to try their best in their given task. They each prepared in a completely and utterly different way, deciding that it was best to get prep talks from their teams before going onto the battle field.
"Naruto, what do you think I should do?" Kakashi asked nervously as he bit his nails, even though he was wearing a mask; it was really a feat, I almost wish you were there so you could see it, I mean, seriously.
Naruto thought deeply for a moment before saying, "I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT BUTTER!!"
Sasuke began to cry because everything was lying to him. It wasn't butter? His whole life was a lie! It must have had something to do with Itachi; Itachi made it not butter somehow! But what sort of forbidden jutsu could do this? Was his brother truly that powerful that he could transform an ordinary stick of butter into something that looked like butter, tasted like butter, but wasn't butter? The thoughts plagued his teen angst ridden mind, and at the last moment he decided that he would go to Orochimaru for more power in order to discover this jutsu on his own. But it would have to wait. After all, he couldn't just leave; that would make Penelope win…and he would not let that cheating whore win!
Sakura said, "When did this story gain the resemblance of a plot?"
But she was annoying and no one listened to her.
On the other side of the stadium, which for some reason was shaped like a bowl of alphabet soup with all the letters saying, "OOOOO," which would not make it alphabet soup after all, but cheerios, and which would make the stadium not in the shape of a soup bowl, but a cereal bowl, Neji was conversing with his team.
"YOUTH!" Gai said youthfully.
"YOUTH!" Lee said oldly.
Everyone was shocked. Lee screamed 'Youth' in an unyouthful manner? What was this DEVILRY!? Immediately, Sasuke attributed it to some powerful jutsu that Itachi had created, perhaps it was another ability of the Sharingan.
"Neji," Tenten patted her friend on the back, "I know you can win this; even though if you married Hinata that would be incest on some basis, although it would be legal in Alabama and Europe."
Neji pondered this for a moment. "Where's Europe?"
Tenten did not know. In fact, she wasn't sure that a place like Europe existed. What was Europe? Who was Europe? Why have I don't nothing but write rhetorical questions for the past few paragraphs? It must have been a jutsu from Itachi, Sasuke surmised, and he decided that he really did need to go to Orochimaru in order to defeat his brother who could do all these mind bending things.
"Pika, PIKACHU," Koto smiled and nodded.
"Charmander, char!" Juri agreed.
"Wait, I thought you said you were going to be Bulbasaur," Koto frowned. She was not pleased with Juri. Not pleased at all.
"I know…but Bulbasaur is such a lame Pokémon. Charmander is so much cooler," Juri nodded her head knowingly.
Koto's frown deepened. "But you can't just change Pokémon halfway through! That's not fair!"
"Life's not fair!" Juri retorted. "I'll be charmander if I want to be!"
Koto was close to tears. "WHY ARE YOU ACTING LIKE THIS?!"
Sasuke believed that it had to do something with Itachi. And a jutsu.
You can fill in the rest. Everybody, aloud, at your computers; I don't care if you're in a library, in the room with your siblings; I want to hear you here in Massachusetts! On the count of three! ONE TWO ORANGE:
Why was Juri acting so cruelly? It must have been a jutsu from Itachi, Sasuke thought. How could his brother be that powerful? To possess such strength to allow a Pokémon to change it's very being in the middle of an announcement? It was blasphemy! There was only one thing left for Sasuke to do; he had to go to Orochimaru and get more power!
Thank you all for participating.
Neji and Kakashi entered the ring, and the large purple leprechaun who was driving an ice cream truck rang the bell and the two charged forward. Firsts blazing, it was a pure struggle for power, their eyes blazing with pure hatred as they prepared to strike down whoever would get in their way. They neared each other, their powers cackling around their bodies…
"WHO WEARS SHORT SHORTS?!" Kakashi roared as he dove in between Neji's legs.
Neji shouted, "I WEAR SHORT SHORTS!"
"WHO WEARS SHORT SHORTS?!"
"I WEAR SHORT SHORTS!"
Neji turned and aimed a kick at Kakashi's head, but was blocked by the large "SHORT SHOTS" letters that had appeared. In fact, the stadium, that was a soup bowl but not really, it was a cereal bowl, was slowly filling up with SHORT SHORTS. Young children screamed and hid in their mother's aprons who proceeded to hop away like kangaroos, and Sasuke …
HE DIDN'T ATTRIBUTE IT TO ITACHI!! OLAHGOIH JAKHGIOWHGWIOR
The battle continued until Neji and Kakashi were dressed only in tutus balancing candles on their heads. But instead of balancing candles on their heads, they were really eating spaghetti over a pit of applesauce. Mario was in the back ground playin on a violin, even though I'm pretty sure, according to the original Mario Party, he was the conductor in that stupid, "Play the notes," and I could never get the stupid baton thingy to move in the right direction and the audience always threw hammers I me and then I would cry.
But not as much as Sasuke, because no one cries as much as Sasuke.
They shoveled the pasta into their bellies until only one strand was left. They munched on the strand, each on one end, and the spaghetti got shorter, and shorter, and shorter…until…
"Hey, wait a second," Sakura blinked. "How can Kakashi-sensei be eating spaghetti with his mask still on?"
There was a resounding gasp through the audience, and sirens began to blare. A discrepancy! A plot hole! How could this tory of a plot hole? It was impossible! It must have been a j---
And suddenly, the narrator was shot so that that joke was not repeated for the umpteenth time. In his place was a new narrator named Jim. Now Jim was a pancake from Pennsylvania who controlled puppets; much like Kankurou. In fact, Jim was Kankurou's brother. And Jim was AWESOME. He was really pretty with black hair and purple highlights and he looked exactly like so-and-so but with a longer nose and without that disgusting nose and he sounded like that-famous-singer-guy but it was deeper and he was just all around perfect.
But all Jim could do was talk about himself. It was terrible. The story didn't get anywhere, and suddenly Gaara remembered that he was the main character and hadn't spoken since the beginning when he had that very intriguing conversation with Milo, the magical chipmunk of Arizona. He stood tall, deciding that, "Hey! This is my story! I refuse to have all these crazy people undermine the fact that I'm the main character! See!"
And with that he logged onto and proceeded to the Anime/Naruto section, although he did pause briefly to marvel at the new crossover section, which he decided would save him a bunch of time when he was looking for his Sailor Moon/Ruroni Kenshin crossover fics, then began messing with the bars at the top. He had to make sure, just in case! He set the genre to "Parody," set the rating to "T" for terrific, set the characters to "Gaara" then "Hinata," and clicked "Go!" He waited with anticipation, then smiled broadly as he looked down the short list of stories. There it was, the third one down, with 217 reviews…by Flutterfly…and it said "GAARA'S RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM!"
Thus, he scrolled down to the very bottom of chapter 14, clucking his tongue as he recalled Iruka's disqualification, and went to the green writing and wrote a review. And the 218th review said, "I AM STILL THE MAIN CHARACTER!"
And suddenly Jim's evil rule was overthrown with the might of his angry yelling. Everyone cheered and celebrated and had a god awful time!
Oh, and Neji one that round, just to let you know.
UP NEXT IS LEE VS JIRAIYA!!
FF: And there you have it.
YFF: And there we have it.
FF: So, as always…
YFF: Send us your reviews…
FF: And your ideas…
YFF: And we'll put it the story
FF: ….HAI GAIZ!! I'M BAAAAAACK!!!!!!