Title: Loathing

Rating: T

Character/s: Neville Longbottom

Summary: There are days when Neville hates himself.

Disclaimer: Not mine. JKR's.


There are days when Neville hates himself.

They are becoming more frequent nowadays. At night he wards around his bed and sobs himself to sleep. Daylight sees his mask but night sees his soul. Night sees everything. He cannot hide.

It is worse when he sees his dorm mates changing. They are all so skinny and Dean even has a hint of muscles which he flexes at every given opportunity. Neville changed behind his bed hangings, staring straight ahead so that he doesn't have to look at his own body.

Puppy-fat, Gran said. You'll grow out of it. But he is sixteen, dammit, and he just gets bigger. At night he hates her. Hates her for lying.

Oh, he tries. Every night he vows to go jogging around the lake or do some sit-ups. But when it comes to actually doing it, he only manages a few and becomes discouraged. The only thing that cheers him up is food, so off he trots and tucks into something filled with sugar and fat.

So Neville is trapped in a never-ending cycle of self-loathing and food. He wants to stop, honest, but only he can take that first step to help himself and he just can't.