Dear Diary

Today was... different. All I can remember is acting really weirdly then I woke up in Hyrule Field. I had this really odd dream that I somehow managed to open the void Ganondorf is being kept in and was stupid enough to let him out. Then he ran at me and knocked me out with a tatty old book! Haha, no that would never happen! Not me, the smart, pretty, amazing princess of Hyrule, letting our greatest enemy run loose throughout the kingdom. Deciding I must have been going insane, I returned to the castle, figuring it was obviously Impa who had left me out there for some kind of joke. She was always the joker, my dear Impa! One time she pushed me into Death Mountain Crater which I thought was horrible! Until she told me it was an aspect of my training, once I'd managed to claw my way out, barely alive. She didn't look very happy when she saw me. Maybe I didn't do it fast enough for her?

Anyway, after today's events, I think there's only one thing for it... a massive party! I'll invite all my friends and Ruto too I guess. Maybe Impa can play another of her jokes and accidentally push the girl into the oven, or something similar.

This is going to be great.


Dear Diary

My shop didn't last long, a group of monkeys and an angry blade of grass trashed the place and stole everything. Yeah, I can defeat huge scary monsters with big claws and fangs but when you put me up against blades of grass, I crumble. Good job Ganondorf wasn't some kind of flower or bush. I can still remember my first adventure... the deku babas almost ended it with their stems and... petals. Makes me shudder! I might have been seeing things but I think I saw Zelda with Ganondorf earlier. He appeared out of some kind of magical door, stood there for a moment as she ran to him then whacked her square in the face with an odd-looking book. Oh well, I know I should have gone to 'rescue' her but she reckons she's so powerful and amazing, why bother? She can handle it and save Hyrule herself this time. It probably wasn't even Ganondorf, just some actor she'd hired to amuse herself for a few hours. On another note, I also think I saw Ruto in the distance in the river earlier, it looked like she was making kissing faces at me but I can't be sure. She's so weird and scary.

See you later


Dear Diary

It's Saria here again, finally. After you got passed through the hands of practically everyone I know (which isn't many people) I found you thrown into the middle of the village pond, along with a note saying 'sorri for stieling – Mido'. And he reckons he can spell? What about sorry for getting my book soaking wet! Anyway, I've decided to turn over a new leaf, although which one I haven't decided yet, there are about a million in the forest... that one over there is kinda pretty. Um yeah! So I was saying, just because my best friend hardly comes here anymore, I have a tree-boy as a stalker and... and I'll think of a third thing later, doesn't mean I have to be depressed over it. So the first thing I'm going to do is try the opposite approach and be really nice to Mido. He's been nagging me to let him take me on a date for ages so I figured what's the harm? As long as he doesn't touch me, or look directly at me... I'm sure it will be fine... and it might get the Deku Sprout away from me for a bit. Mido is slightly easier to deal with than he can be.

I suppose I should go find Mido and get this over with.



Dear Diary

Hi! It's me, Ruto, remember? Guess what! I had a full-blown snog with Link today! I was swimming along in the river, minding my own business and enjoying a little sing-song as you do when I saw him in Hyrule Field, all attractive and manly, being attacked by clusters of grass and monkeys. I couldn't help but tread water and stare dreamily at my future husband playing with the wildlife, he's such a good person like that. Anyway, after the attackers had gone, he fell to his knees and looked right in my direction and even though I was too far away for him to see clearly in the water, our lips were directly in line with each other so I couldn't resist it, I made a kissing motion with my mouth and I swear to you, I could almost feel his lips on mine. The moment was so magical, like a modern fairy tale where the hero finally realises his love for the beautiful damsel. It won't be long before the sound of wedding bells will be ringing throughout the Water Temple, I can feel it!

So in love


Dear Diary

Today I did some baking since we had important guests coming to the ranch to view some cattle we were hoping to sell. Things were going quite well, I was in the kitchen mixing up some cake mix with the animals when I needed to get some more stuff out of the cupboard. Turning my back for a moment, I heard something shuffle across the room followed by the sound of something being sick. Going back to the table I found a cow trying to get its face into the bowl. I guess that sick noise was in my imagination! Anyway, I threw in all my special ingredients, flour, eggs, sawdust, grated leaves, petrol... wait... no never mind, if it was in the cupboard then obviously it's ok to use and I'm sure leaves are fine to eat! When the guests arrived, I arranged the cakes on a table outside so they could have some when they wanted. It's funny really, they acted in exactly the same way Mr. Ingo did when he tried this type of cake the first time I made it. First they turned an odd shade of green, threw up all over the grass then passed out after asking if we were trying to kill them. Dad says it's just people's way of saying how much they love my cake; it's so delicious that the taste makes them pass out since they aren't used to such good food. Shame they left as soon as they woke up, and didn't even buy any cows!



Dear Dairy Product

Today in Goron City was the monthly rock harvest when we travel into the cavern to collect rocks for the winter. In our culture, Winter takes place on the third Friday of each month, the rest of the time is Summer, apart from every other Tuesday when the day is split into Autumn, Spring and Novasgorovaska, a season us Gorons celebrate when rocks are thrown by the Goddesses to us from the sky. The harvest was going fine until one poor Goron brother was sliced clean in half by a yellow eye with a laser. Grabbing my fallen brother's body, I quickly shoved it in my mouth before the other Gorons saw and became scared. Yes, it must have been a struggle to shove such tasty rock in my mouth all at once but it had to be done for the sake of my people! I wonder why that eye was in there, I'm sure I asked brother Link to take care of things in the cavern, if only he were made out of nice, smooth rock as well...

Dreaming of rocks


Dear Diary

I've made a decision. I'm going to leave the castle and search for my one true love, surely he'll still be in the graveyard. We can live happily together in the Shadow Temple with his cousin Dead Hand and Uncle Wall Master. I packed a suitcase which included my minimal belongings of a kitchen knife, a block of wood and a cheese sandwich. Then I left a note for Zelda saying that our time together had been eventful and I hoped she wouldn't be too disappointed that I was leaving. I even managed to get my old school friend, Heidi, to take my place. She was in the army for over thirty years and now trains ninjas how to use the mystical powers of 'C' in a secret location beneath the market. She's sure to take good care of the princess. Now, like a fish in the sea, a bird in the sky, a monkey attacking Link's shop, I must go to my destiny! To my Ronald!

Going to a new life


Hello Diary

Went to the market today for the weekly shop... lift. What? I'm a thief remember! A big bad scary thief! I make children cry and grown men shake at the sound of my name. Ok, maybe not that bad but you get the idea. At the end of the day, no one in Hyrule wants to employ a Gerudo so we gotta do what we gotta do to survive. Sorry if we steal your husband but I'm sure you'll find another (better looking one) until we're done with him. Meh, men are useless anyway, just look at Ganondorf! Tried to take over the kingdom then left us to go on some holiday in a void where he can laze around all day, more than likely drinking champagne and laughing at us all. Not that I want him back, he was a royal pain. Do this, fight that, take over that village, pick my nose for me! If I ever see his scrunched up little face again I'll punch it so hard his teeth will be coming out of his neck!



Good day Moreece

Well, today has been fun hasn't it? As soon as we arrived back in Hyrule I knew that meddling princess would probably come out of her trance soon enough so did the first thing I could think of and whacked her across the face with you. Yes, I know, I shouldn't abuse you in that way but- What? What do you mean you'll leave me if that ever happens again, I was only- Ok, ok, fine! Sheesh, you're not very supportive sometimes, you know that? Not like my Triforce piece is working at the minute! Anyway, back to the day's events. After we were done with Zelda, I saw Link in the distance but decided to bide my time before dealing with him. I need to build alliances first, take over villages and give my nose the occasional pick for good luck. But how can this be done? Use my finger you say? Oh shut up! Venturing into the market, no one batted an eye lid at me... it's as if they didn't even know who I was! Hmm? I guess you're right, they wouldn't remember the lost years, those glorious years when I ruled over the land. Coming across a strange shop near the Temple of Time, I thought it best that we start our search there. What I didn't know is that inside that shop would be a place of terror, a place that only exists in nightmares, a place... of happiness.

Help me!


Dearest Diary

I have never written down my feelings in paper form before so this will be a new experience for me. Today started out as it usually does, I went hunting in the forests for new masks for my collection. Finding a strange twig on the ground I decided it could be sold as a mask if a piece of tape was strapped to the back so the user can wear it. I will market it by saying it will bring great joy to the wearer and will fend off evil woodland spirits. Returning to my humble shop, I quickly tied some string to the twig and put it on display next to my newest additions, the Spoon Mask and Frying Pan Mask. Both were found in the castle kitchens when I went to sell my products to the princess one day a few weeks ago. It's amazing that a bit of tape can transform an everyday item into a magical mask of happiness! As the afternoon approached a customer entered. He looked somewhat lost but I was sure I could sell something to him, or get him to spread some more joy throughout the kingdom on my behalf. Diving under the counter, I took off my 'happy face' and put on my 'super happy ecstatic face' so it would put him at ease. "Welcome to the Happy Mask Shop!" I greeted as he walked over to the counter, a look of horror upon his face. Why in all of Hyrule would someone be afraid of me? I'm going to help him become as happy as my super ecstatic smile!


The Happy Mask Salesman