Hey God, are you up there? It's me, Stan. I know I haven't written to you in a long time. I think the last time I wrote to you was when I was eight, six years ago. It's not that I've stopped believing in you or anything, because I haven't. I just haven't really needed to write to you. Besides, you're watching down on us from above anyways, so it's not like I'm not keeping you updated.
Anyways, I have a question to ask you. It's really been bothering for the past few weeks, and the pastor at my church couldn't give me a straight-out answer. Do homosexuals go to hell? It's a really weird question for me to be asking, but I just want to know. I've just been contemplating their situation for the past few days… is it really their fault that they go to hell based upon their orientation? I don't seem to think it's that fair. Those people don't have a choice to simply switch, do they? I mean, having to switch orientations just to be admitted into heaven?
The reason I'm asking you this is because of my friend Kyle. I guess you can say he's double-damned, or at least that's what Cartman (Eric) argues. Yesterday after school the four of us (Kyle, Kenny, Cartman, and myself) were hanging out by the skating rink when Kyle called the attention of the rest of us. Since we were his closest friends, he wanted to tell us first that he was, err, a homosexual. I didn't really mind, and I even patted him on the back and congratulated him for being brave enough to tell us. I think Kenny's response is a split one, though visually he simply shrugged and told Kyle he didn't mind. But here's when Cartman comes in. He begins by sarcastically congratulating Kyle, and then all of a sudden starts talking about blackmail and stuff. They got in this real big fight, and after Kyle yelled, "Fuck off you stupid fat-fuck!" Cartman said something along the lines of, "Well screw you Kahl, you're double-damned to hell anyweys." Then he walked away and left Kyle sobbing.
I don't want my friend to go to hell, God. Kyle is a really good kid, who's really smart and is the least deserving to enter such a place. But if Jews and homosexuals really go to hell… I don't want Kyle to have to go there too. I hope you somehow give me an answer soon, God.
"That should do it," said the boy called Stan, setting down his silver fountain pen. The boy brushed his black bangs and scratched his forehead for a brief moment, trying to think of what to do with the letter. Of course, Stan wasn't really going to send it to God, mainly because Stan didn't quite know God's address. After a few seconds he thought of an answer, folding the letter into thirds, and tucking it into a white envelope. He picked up his fountain pen once more, and along the center he wrote in blue ink, "To God c/o Jesus". "That's got to be the answer," said Stan, setting the envelope at the corner before turning off his desk lamp. He stumbled around his room in the dark until he found his bed, and he fell onto it face first. He reached upward to snatch his pillow, and after laying his head on the soft material his mind slipped into another world.
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"Happy hump day!" Cartman yelled to the group. Kenny giggled uncontrollably as Stan briefly stopped tying his ice skates to stare at Cartman. The four were at Stark's Pond, and since the pond was frozen the four were going to skate there. It was a popular frozen lake to skate on, but surprisingly no one else was there at that particular moment.
"Cartman, do you know how many other ways that can be taken?" Stan said with a laugh. At this Kenny laughed even more uncontrollably, putting his hands to the opening of his parka's hood to prevent him from laughing too loud. Kyle didn't even make a reaction to this statement, and he only continued to tie his skates on.
"Of course I know," said Cartman, tapping his fingers on his side impatiently. "But how else am I supposed to say it? That's the phrase isn't it?" Stan nodded and smirked as he resumed putting his skates on. Kyle finished as he stood up, joining Cartman in waiting for the other two. "Come on, Kenny, finish up so we can skate!"
"I'm more worried about the ice breaking from your weight," muttered Kyle under his breath. Thankfully enough the other boy didn't hear his comment, and so he left it that way. Kenny, on the other hand, couldn't resume tying his skates, still laughing at the other joke. "Okay Kenny, we're going to leave you here if you don't finish."
"Mmph mmmph mph mmph!" protested Kenny, returning to his previous task.
"But I'm almost done," Stan countered back, "You've barely started, Kenny." Kyle wobbled awkwardly to the pond, tired of waiting for his friends, and began skating. It was a very common pastime in the small mountain town of South Park; almost every child had a pair of skates to use in the winters. It was also a great social activity, where friends could catch up on each other's lives while having fun. Overall skating was a must-do activity for a high school teenager.
Eventually the four were all equipped with their skates and skated. The experience was interesting; Kyle refused to skate anywhere near Cartman, especially since Cartman wasn't very skilled and kept collapsing onto the ice. Stan was an average skater, and likewise was Kenny. They skated for two hours, approximately, and by the time they finished they were sprawled on the ground at the pond's edge, exhausted and tired.
"That was rather fun," said Stan, grinning and tilting his head to his left side. He heard Kenny agree, though it was muffled by his parka. His gaze met Kyle's form on the ground, and his smile turned to a frown. He had barely heard the boy speak the whole time. "Hey Kyle, are you okay? You seem rather quiet."
"Oh, it's nothing," said Kyle quietly. Stan glared at the boy, though Kyle couldn't quite see.
"Nothing my ass," replied Stan. "I know something's up. I've know you since preschool, maybe even earlier. I can tell when you're upset." Kyle shifted but didn't say anything.
"Ah, screw the Jew," said Cartman, getting up. "I'm sure he wouldn't want to tell you anyways." The bigger boy hobbled over to a tree stump to remove his skates, and the other three began to follow him.
"Wait," said Kyle, causing everyone to stop in their tracks. "I really do want to tell you guys. You're my best friends, and so I think you deserve to know first…"
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Stan's flashback was interrupted by the loud sound of his alarm clock. He cursed loudly, getting out of his bed and made his way to his desk lamp. After turning on the small light he found his way to the closet. He mumbled something inaudible as he found a blue shirt and jeans. He fitted them on and left his closet, going to his bed to make it up. After his bed was in order, he walked over to his desk to pocket the envelope.
"I need to remember to pass that by Jesus's house," muttered Stan. He rubbed his eyes as he opened his bedroom door. However, his tired mood quickly changed to an angry one as he approached the bathroom door. "Come on Shelly! Open up!"
"Shut up Stan!" yelled Shelly, who had retired the usage of the name 'turd'. "I'm putting on my makeup right now. Go away!"
"But I'm sure you've been there forever," said Stan, beating upon the bathroom door. "I need to brush my teeth and take a dump!"
"Beat it!" snapped Shelly. Stan quietly cursed as he left the door, and he made his way down the stairs. He stumbled into the kitchen and opened the refrigerator door. He pulled out some milk and poured it into a nearby bowl.
"I hate having to wake up this early," muttered Stan. He poured in some cereal into the bowl, stirred the cereal with the milk, and took a bite. He glanced at the nearby clock, which read about 6:35. Only an hour until I'll have to see Kyle and Cartman at the same place... Stan gulped.
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Chapter 1 completed. I hope you review. I took down my other one because of many inconsistencies. I'm new to the South Park genre; please feel free to constructively review my work. I hope chapter 2 to be up soon.