Authors note: I kind of thought it would be funny to see what Tony is thinking when he is breaking up with someone. That was the thought that started this, anyway. I suppose it is meant to be a bit of a humorous story - though I'm not sure I am that good at funny. Oh well.

Oh, in reference to something in the first paragraph – I know Tony doesn't hate dogs, he said something about always wanting a dog in that episode with the name that escapes me right now, I know. He doesn't hate them in this story, either. I swear that makes sense.


Two weeks in and he realised it was past the time to jump ship. He should have seen earlier that this one was dangerous. She was becoming attached. He hated attached. She had left a pair of shoes on his bedroom floor, her toothbrush was still in his bathroom, and there were little hairs all over his couch from her dog. He hated dogs.

She had his cell number, his home number, and his number here, at work. He doesn't know how she managed that. He certainly hadn't volunteered the information. So, the time had come. She didn't seem the type who would accept it very graciously over the phone, so lunch it was.

Finding her number in his cell all the way down in the R's, because he doesn't have hers on speed dial like she has his, he dials her number and waits almost six rings before she picks up. That's another thing he hates. Who took that long to answer their phone?

As he asks her to meet him for lunch, he sees Kate smirking at him from her desk. Since when was asking someone to meet you for lunch funny? Come to think of it, that was another thing he didn't like about Rebecca. She found the most inappropriate things funny. He hated that.

As soon as he had ended the call, Kate pounced. "Had enough of this one, Tony?"

"Had enough of what one?"

"The girl you just asked out to lunch. I'm assuming you're ditching her."

"You shouldn't make assumptions, Katie."

"But I'm right, aren't I?" She's looking like she has just figured out the great mystery of the pyramids, or found the final resting place of the Holy Grail.

"Your point?"

"I thought you liked this one. Rachel, wasn't it?"

"Rebecca. And yes, I liked her. As in past tense."

"There is nothing wrong with staying in a relationship long enough for you to learn their last name, Tony." Before he could come up with a retort, Gibbs had appeared, coming around the corner, coffee in hand.

"If you're done discussing DiNozzo's love life, maybe you could think about getting some work done."


He met Rebecca for lunch at a little bistro within walking distance of where she worked. She didn't like using her car, she said. Why own a car if you aren't going to drive it? She looked beautiful, as always. Chocolate hair pulled back, brown eyes sparkling. Then again, there was that little gap between her front teeth, and her skin really was pale.

"This was a nice surprise, Tony. It's always good to get out of the office."

"Yeah, it is." Always nice when someone else buys you lunch, you mean.

"Let's have a bottle of wine, celebrate."

Celebrate what? That you're an alcoholic? "I can't drink while I'm working, Rebecca."

"Oh right. Have to be ready to catch the bad guys." Her laugh really is beautiful, he can't help but notice.

"Something like that. Listen, Rebecca…" I can do this, I can do this.

"Have you decided what you're going to have?"

"Not yet. Rebecca, we need to talk." What is it with women and menus?

"Well that does sound serious. Okay, shoot."

Don't tempt me, Rebecca. I do have a gun. "This has been fun and all…"

"You're breaking up with me, aren't you?"

Wow, you picked up on that? Must go for subtle next time. He resists the urge to roll his eyes as he answers her."I was about to, yeah."


"Well…" She needs a reason?

"You don't have a reason, do you?"

"Why wouldn't I have a reason?" Oh my god, is that pity?

"Its okay, Tony. I understand. You're one of those guys who can't commit."

"Excuse me?" Never should have gotten involved with a psychologist…

"I get it. You really like me, and that freaks you out."

Someone's got a big ego. "That's not it, Rebecca."

"Next you're going to try and tell me that it isn't me."

No, actually…it is you. You scare me. "I wasn't going to say that…"

"I'll tell you what I'm going to do, Tony. I'm going to go back to work now, and pretend this conversation never happened. You've obviously had a bad day and need some time. I understand." That said, she leaned over the table, kissed his cheek, and left.

He could only sit there and wonder what the hell had just happened.


Authors note the second: I know this has something of an incomplete feeling (seems to be my specialty), and I know that is more than a little ridiculous, but I just thought, as mentioned earlier, it would be hilarious if Tony tried to break up with someone and it didn't work. I don't write romance, so this is, again, one of my annoying little single chapter efforts. Let me know what you think.