Title: Five Ways that the Women of SGA Could Kick a Wraith's Butt!
Author: Starrylizard
Characters: Various women of SGA
Fandom: Stargate Atlantis
Rating: Gen, Teen, some angst and some humour
Spoilers: None
Notes: This was written for the "fishlikebikes" challenge for the prompt "Five Things (Five things that never happened, or five things that did.)" Thanks to Rinne for the beta, and celticsky for her input.


Five Ways that the Women of SGA Could Kick a Wraith's Butt!

"Hic, hiccup, hic." A distinctive sound reverberated down the corridor, followed shortly by the sound of feet thumping to the floor as Dr Lindsey Novak appeared around the corner running hard. She was huffing and puffing as she neared the barrier that blocked the corridor ahead and had apparently been thrown together out of random bits of Atlantian furniture.

Lindsey sprinted past the large cross sprayed-painted on the floor, dashed the last few metres to the barrier and leapt over it. Her head poked up, peering gingerly over from the other side.

Lieutenant Laura Cadman followed soon after Lindsey, running backwards and shooting steady bursts of fire from her P90. "That's it, here boy. Here Wraithy, Wraithy! Here boy!" she called, before dodging a stunner blast and letting off yet another burst of gunfire.

Laura called out one last taunt to the Wraith, fired a final burst of gunfire and turned to sprint down the corridor the last few meters. The Wraith became visible soon afterward. Its big, lumbering, sightless form moved faster than one would expect, as it fired wild bursts of stunner fire toward the annoying voice.

"Come on, Wraithy! Here boy! Come on!" called Laura as she dodged over the barrier and hunkered down next to Lindsey. The Wraith paused for a moment, before it continued lumbering forward, scanning the corridor for its prey.

"Come on, just a bit further. Come on, come on, come on," mumbled Laura and then the wraith moved one more step, then another and he was standing on the cross marked on the floor.

Lindsey tapped her radio ear piece. "Hermiod! Do it now!" she cried, and suddenly the Wraith disappeared in a flash of light.

"Lindsey, you're a genius! It worked." Laura high-fived Lindsey as she let out a whoop of sheer joy and the two women collapsed in a fit of relieved giggles.


Miko and Elizabeth dragged Sheppard by his tack vest, moving as fast as they could as the occasional blast of stunner fire continued to flash past. They could hear the i ratta tat /i of machine gun fire as Teyla lay down cover fire behind them. They'd lost sight of Ronon and McKay, but they were still in radio contact and had been informed that the pair was working their own way back to the gate.

They dragged the unconscious Sheppard behind some large rocks, the only piece of cover available and Teyla soon dropped down behind them. She shoved a grenade into each woman's hand.

"On my count, you pull the pin and throw it. There are two Wraith coming straight toward our position. The two of you aim for the one on the right. I will aim to the left."

Elizabeth and Miko nodded seriously, as Teyla peered over the rocks again. "Okay on three. One, two, three." They popped their heads up and tossed the grenades, cowering back down behind the cover as the explosions rang out.

Peering over again, the Wraith on the left was still moving and Teyla fired at it. "Dr Weir, dial the gate." Elizabeth ran to the gate, opening the wormhole just as Ronon and McKay came into view and they made their way back to Atlantis.


Katie Brown let out a little squeak of surprise as Laura Cadman and Miko Kusinagi came careening through the door of her lab. Cadman peered back down the corridor they had just exited, panting hard. She pulled out a grenade and waited a few moments before pulling the pin, tossing it into the corridor and slamming her hand on the door control hard just before the resounding boom of an explosion.

"That's it. No more grenades. Shit!" Laura leaned against the door trying to catch her breath, as Miko sat down next to her, looking rather pale.

"Um, guys?" Katie waved her hands around to get the attention of the other two. Laura looked up, noticing the botanist for the first time. "There's too many of them. They're everywhere and I'm out of ammo."

Katie watched as Miko seemed to pull herself together. The small Japanese woman got a fierce look in her eyes as she sat up straighter. "Fertilizer!" she cried. Katie winced, thinking she could be wrong about her assessment of the other woman, but Miko continued. "Katie? Are we in the botany labs then?" she asked. The other woman nodded. "Yes, you're in my lab actually."

Miko stood up and reached to pull Laura up with her. "Come on. We've got bombs to make." Laura suddenly caught on, her face lighting up with a grin.

A short while later the three women listened as the door to the lab burst open and several Wraith marched in. Laura peered over the lab bench they were using for cover, as Miko lit the fuse on a clay pot that was loaded with fertilizer and topped with ethanol-soaked material scraps, before handing it to her. She quickly lobbed the home made bomb toward the entering Wraith and ducked back down.

As the smoke from the explosion cleared, the women peered over the bench top at the decidedly dead Wraith and Katie started to laugh. "You guys are like MacGyver, but without the awful hairdo!"


Teyla struck out with a front kick, weaving to the side in an attempt to avoid the Wraith's hand as she struck out yet again. The hits made little difference, the Wraith was much stronger and she knew she couldn't hold out long in a hand-to-hand fight.

The Wraith managed to force his hand up past her guard, slamming it toward her chest and sending her flying backward. Behind her she heard the gate engage as McKay managed to complete the dialing sequence. "Teyla, come on!" he called, his voice high with worry and panic as he was powerless to do anything without his weapon.

"Go ahead, Dr McKay! Get help." She didn't have time to see if he did as she asked, as the Wraith was once again coming toward her.

She felt around on the ground, finding a stick with her searching hands and picked it up, crawling to her feet once more. She was struggling to take her own weight on her knee, forcing herself to focus through the pain, as she stood her ground and the Wraith came at her once more.

She let fly with the stick, raining a hail of strikes on the Wraith. Weaving the make-shift weapon through patterns learnt so well she didn't have to think to use them anymore, she finally landed a strike low on the Wraith's chest, right where she had intended.

The Wraith looked down as if frozen, as the self-destruct glowed, a circle of light counting down to destruction and Teyla took the opportunity to hobble as fast as she could for the gate. McKay's arm slipped around her waist, holding her up, as they ran for the event horizon together and as they stepped back into the safety of Atlantis she heard McKay call for the shield to be raised. Teyla watched as behind them, a mere flash of light against the gate's shield was all that marked the Wraith's untimely demise.


Sheppard had thrust the gun into her hand when the fight had started to look grim. "Take it. You may need to use it," was all he'd said and she'd done as he asked, her grip trembling only slightly.

They'd lost track of him sometime soon after that and it felt like they had been running ever since, running for their lives through corridors of a city that had come to feel like home. Those same corridors could now hide a hungry Wraith around every turn.

Most of the population had made it through the gate before the ZPM had failed. Most of them were safe. Most wasn't enough, but it was the best they had been able to do.

"This way," Ronon spoke quietly and Elizabeth turned to face him, to follow him. Instead though, she hefted the gun with sudden purpose and fired. The Wraith that had appeared behind Ronon stuttered to a halt as Ronon swung about to fire on it as well and then he was going down to a stunner blast from another Wraith behind the first.

Elizabeth fired again, unloading the remains of the clip into the second Wraith, before the 'click, click' of the empty chamber made her heart leap in panic. Looking up, she saw, as if in slow motion, the Wraith stunner aimed squarely at her and she dove for the ground, her hand somehow finding Ronon's discarded gun.

She couldn't remember firing - it was as if someone else had done it, not her - and there had been no other Wraith between the place where Ronon still lay and the control room.

She sat down heavily and opened the laptop, keying the code that started the count down. Once it was done, her muscles seemed to suddenly loosen and she slid down in to the chair, watching passively as a Wraith entered the control room. It aimed its weapon at her, firing in the same moment as the self-destruct sequence reached zero. She knew that it didn't matter which blast of energy reached her first.

In that moment before the white flash of light brought oblivion, Elizabeth felt only a grim satisfaction at what she had done and she smiled.