Title: Spin the Bottle, Bible Style.
Disclaimer: (rolls eyes) FANFICTION, guys! BIBLE fanfiction! Obviously, we do not own any of the characters/people mentioned here.
Warnings: Jesus/Judas. Need we say more?
Setting: Uhhh... not quite sure...
A/N: Yes, we are sick. Very, very sick. We don't mean any offence to anyone with this, though. Possible –probable- blasphemy to most people. We are not quite sure we believe in God, though, and even if we did, we don't think he'd be offended by anything we write. We're sure he has a sense of humour. And we find it quite pathetic when people flame things just because they're slash. If you don't like it, don't read it. But, if you really feel the need to flame us, that's quite okay. Flames amuse us.
- - - - -
One day, Jesus and Judas were sitting around doing stuff.
(The author seems to either have forgotten what it is that disciples do, or never had a clue... so; naturally the fill-in is 'stuff'.)
Then, for some weird reason, they decided to play 'Spin the Bottle'.
(Because, obviously, the Son of Man and his disciple have nothing better to do than play 'Spin the Bottle'.)
Obviously, you can't play 'Spin the Bottle' with only two people, so Jesus and Judas decided to bring in their 'friends', Mike and Rob and Brad and Tom and Matt.
(Because the author seems to have forgotten the other disciples' names... it is most probable that she/he has never even read the Bible. Oh, and people from wherever the hell they think Jesus came obviously have names like Tom and Matt.
And, obviously it's okay to use the word 'and' so many times the reader probably wants to smash the keyboard out of the author's freaking hands... Ahem...)
"Hey, Robbo!" Jesus shouts, chucking his mate a cold one.
'Robbo' walks over to Jesus. "Yo, man. Wassup?"
(Because, obviously, everyone in the Bible spoke like this.)
"We're going to play 'Spin the Bottle'!" Jesus proclaims.
"Awesome, J.C. Can I join you?"
(Most likely, the author does not know what the 'C' stands for.)
Five minutes later-
(-As the author is seemingly unable to write transitions-)
-Jesus, Judas and the rest of the gang are all sitting there playing 'Spin the Bottle'.
"So, who's going first?" asks Rob.
"I'd like to!" Jesus shouts. "I am the Messiah after all."
Judas scowls. "Do you have to keep rubbing that in our faces?"
"Chill out, dude. I was just messin' with you."
(Because, obviously, Jesus has never heard the one about the word 'dude' being a camel's- uh- we'll leave that for now, shall we?)
"Whatever, J.C. You can have your turn."
(So, since the author of this story is too lazy to write anymore dialogue here, and is becoming increasingly worried about the way she keeps referring to herself in third person, Jesus spun the bottle.)
"Oh, man! I gotta make out with Judas!"
(In a poorly written 'make-out' scene, Jesus went over to Judas and stuck his tongue in his mouth. Because, obviously, this is some kind of terribly-tragically-romantically-glorious foreshadowing for the Kiss of Judas.)
"-I love you!"
"I love you, too, Jeezy!"
There are many rainbows, butterflies, streamers, fireworks, and puddles of spew. Jesus and Judas go off to marry-
-and have lots of little babies.
(What. The. Hell? Obviously, the author's mommy did not give her 'The Talk'.)
And so Mike and Rob hook up and Brad and Tom hook up. Matt meets God at a gay nightclub and they elope a week later.
And the whole world is screwed.
(Mainly because Jesus is too busy screwing Judas to give a damn...)
And they alllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll live happily ever after.