The Iris Jumper
By Tomi Sama
Chapter 1 of 2: Iris
Song: "Iris" by The Goo Goo Dolls
Warning: Violence, Character death, slash.
Disclaimer: I don't own. You don't sue.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I'm trying something new with this. So… Let me explain. Bold and italics means that it's the lyrics of the song. When it's in "quotations" a character is saying the lyrics and when it's in 'whatever these things are' it's a thought. If it's in neither, it's just something that relates.
"And I'd give up forever to touch you…"
He'd laughed. Simon had laughed when Roger pulled him aside and told him that. Simon rolled his eyes and waited for Roger to laugh too. It was a joke, right? There was no way… no way… Roger was serious.
But when Simon saw Roger blushing slightly, looking down with his arms crossed, he realized Roger wasn't kidding. This wasn't a joke. Jack wasn't going to jump out and throw stones at the insane kid, now that they knew how pretty he really thought the scary kid was.
"Why?" Simon asked.
Roger shrugged his stoic shoulders, "'Cause I know that you feel me somehow."
From then on, Roger and Simon had a bond. Simon brought Roger to the secret clearing he had, and he watched the other dark haired boy sit down, amazed by the find. The two of them would simply sit together; like a pre-teen boyfriend and girlfriend sitting next to each other on the bus, too blushy and shy to talk to each other, or hold hands, but both wanting too.
Roger watched Simon a lot. He watched how when they were at Assembly, Simon would sit and not talk, much like himself. He watched Simon help a smaller kid when he'd fallen.
'You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be.' Roger had thought.
When they were sitting together in the clearing a few days later, Simon said the first words the clearing had heard, "I wish we were back in Britain."
Roger was still watching Simon blushed softly, and "I don't want to go home right now."
Simon looked confused. "Why not?"
Roger moved closer, Simon looked scared, but when Roger put his hand on his shoulder, and pulled him closer, eventually pressing his lips quickly against the other boy's, he said, "All I can taste is this moment…"
Simon blushed, but Roger didn't stop, "And all I can breathe…" he inhaled, "…is your life."
Roger's hands, the hand that were turning into hunting hands, already starting to callous, ran over Simon's cheek. "And… sooner or later it's over."
Roger shrugged and pulled back to himself, hugging his legs. He looked away, slightly embarrassed. "I just don't want to miss you tonight…"
From there, things between the boys were better, even though their tribes started to split. Simon, with loyalty to Ralph, was often making huts; and Roger, with loyalty to Jack, was always hunting.
However, even as the battle started to brew the two secret lovers always met in their clearing to think, and sometimes talk.
Tonight they were talking.
They'd gotten a pig tonight, and Roger hadn't washed off the mask of black, red and white. Unable to hide the curiosity anymore, Simon spoke up. "Why do you wear that mask?"
And… "I don't want the world to see me."
"'Cause I don't think that they'd understand."
Roger stayed laying on his back through the questioning, answering the questions honestly and quickly. His hand played with his own stomach, as his eyes focused on Simon, although he was seeing the boy upside down.
Simon sighed. He was still confused by the quiet, developing sadistic boy. People just don't say things like that to other people… especially people like Roger. "Why are you telling me this? Why are you answering my questions? You never spoke in school, and you hardly even talk to Jack…"
Roger tilted his head to the side a little, trying to get a right-side-up view of Simon, but he would have to move to get that, so instead he just shrugged and looked up at the sky.
"When everything's made to be broken… I just want you to know who I am."
The tribes officially broke up. When Jack made his speech, asking who was going to join him and be hunters, Roger was the first to stand. Simon, who was sitting next him as always, looked away.
Roger walked over to Jack; both of them in savage get up from the hunt. Simon watched. Roger wasn't much shorter than Jack, and with them both in the savage stage, war paint on, with their little clothes, Simon could feel that he could never be Jack. He could never be what Jack was to Roger.
It confused him. If Roger was always jumping up whenever Jack demanded, why did he tell Simon he wanted to touch him? Was he changing his mind?
'You can't fight the tears that ain't coming.' Simon thought.
So when they got to the clearing that night Simon looked disappointed. He couldn't help it. Roger didn't start right off, apologizing. In fact, he was looking to Simon like he was going to get the apology.
"Why did you go with Jack?" Simon asked quietly.
Roger hugged his legs tighter to him. "I like hunting."
"Do you like Jack?"
"'Course I like Jack."
Simon pushed his hair out of his face, sighing and looking down. "More than you like me?"
Roger looked confused, before surprised. "I don't like Jack like that. I don't like him like I like you."
Simon didn't believe him. He looked down, it was a lie. All a lie. "Have you kissed him?"
'Or the moment of truth in your lies.' Simon thought.
It was Simons turn to be surprised. "No?"
"No. We never kissed; me and Jack."
Simon, feeling his heart melt, leaned closer to Roger. Roger, knowing it was okay, put his hand on the back of Simon's head and pulled him closer. They kissed.
It was more advanced than either boy had done before. Sloppy, awkward tongues, with a lot of one of them closing when they should be opening; giggles turned to kisses and it was one of those when everything feels like the movies moments.
The happy moment was cut short by a rustling in the woods. When they split up, both of the boys had fear in their eyes, and Simon stood and ran. He only went just beyond the clearing, but neither Roger, nor the intruder knew that.
Jack was smiling, knife in hand. "What's going on, Roger?"
Roger shook his head, on his knees before his friend. Now that he thought about it, he could see why Simon was worried about it. With Roger on his knees before his Chief, what was one to think?
"You look dead." Jack continued, putting his hand on Roger's head. At first, it seemed the boy was petting him, but with a knife in the hand, it hardly seemed comforting.
"Here. I know what you need." Roger looked up and Jack winked. He dropped the knife before him and smiled. He wiped Roger's cheek, the boy himself was unaware he'd even been crying. "Yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive."
Jack turned and was walking out of the clearing with his hands on his head as Roger's fingers played with the knife. He'd done it often enough. Even in mainstream Britain, Jack caught him doing it with scissors. Roger's right hand picked up the knife and ran it along his arm, parallel with the ground. His shoulders and upper arms had scars from previous encounters with the blade.
Simon, horrified at Roger's actions, jumped back into the clearing and asked, "Why are you doing that?"
Roger's eyes, glazed slightly, tried to focus on Simon, before turning away. "I don't want the world to see me."
"Roger!" Simon yelled, dropping to his knees, taking the knife from his lover.
"Cause… I don't think that they'd understand."
"Don't say it, Roger. You'll be fine." He started to wipe away the blood.
"When… Everything's made to be broken…"
Simon was crying now. "It's not broken. We're not broken. Please stop."
"I… Just want you to know..." He put his hand on Simon's shoulder. "…who I am."
Simon held Roger, and eventually the boy came down from his blood-high and held the other back. "I don't love Jack." He said, after a few minutes. "I only love you."
Simon buried his head into Roger's dirty chest. "I love you too, Roger."
But that was when the beast came. Samneric said they saw it. But Simon thought they were crazy. So he himself went up to see it. It was dark, and he only went because he was bored. Roger was hunting with the other hunters, and he didn't have time for Simon right now.
He hardly ever had time anymore.
Simon was etched with dirt, and he had blood on him from where branches and creepers seemed to jump out at him from no where. When he got to a body of water, he looked at his reflection and quoted Roger. "And I don't want the world to see me."
He finished his way up the mountain and saw "the beast." A parachute man. Simon felt bad from him and let him free, before running down to tell the hunters what it really was they were hunting. "Cause I don't think that they'd understand…"
"HUNTERS!" Jack roared. The hunters themselves cheered. Roger, at Jack's side, stayed still. His arms were crossed in front of him and his spear rested slightly in his hands. Ralph's stupid tribe showed. Jack was getting what he wanted, but Simon hadn't come with him.
Where was Simon?
"He said it…" he whispered to himself, closing his eyes. "He said I was wrong when I said, 'everything's made to be broken'."
He should go find him.
"What's that?" Someone called, pointing to something running toward them along the beach. It was instinct for Roger, and he knew it had been for most of the other hunters, too.
The beast was going to attack them, but the hunters were going to attack first.
The beast was on the ground and the boys speared at its back. Stab after stab; stabbing the life away from it. Suddenly, Roger felt a hand on his ankle, and a weak voice say, "Roger." He looked down, for the first time; really looking with his own eyes, not his savage ones.
The boys all heard it, and they moved back, but it didn't matter. Roger knelt down and it was obvious Simon was going to die.
"I…" Simon let go of Roger. "… just want you to know who I am."
Simon was dead.
And Roger ran away.
He sat in the spot crying and punching the trees. How stupid. How could he have killed Simon! That wasn't fair! This isn't fair!
He had to leave and go back to his tribe, but he skipped hunting the next day, to go to their clearing. He laid in his spot, eyes closed, pretending Simon was still there with him. Jack somehow managed to get away from the rest of the tribe. He stood just outside the clearing and asked. "Why are you here?"
With his eyes still closed, Roger said, "I don't want the world to see me… 'cause I don't think that they'd understand."
Jack looked confused, but he stayed outside the sanctuary. Roger looked up to the sky with his eyes watering; he knew he was praying. "When everything's made to be broken… I just want you to know who I am."
"You just want them to know who you are?" Jack asked. He scoffed at Roger's foolish ness.
Roger, seriously, repeated. "I just want you to know who I am."
"You're Roger. Simon was nothing to you, so I don't see why you even care. You never talked to him and you were probably a real asshole to him, anyway. Everyone was. Simon was a nobody. He should be dead."
Roger closed his eyes, tears still streaming freely from them. "I just want you to know who I am." He chanted.
Jack got mad and stormed off. Roger let the tears stream silently as he wished Simon were here. He wanted someone to take away the pain. An idea came to him… Simon was dead, right?
So if Roger, too, was dead. Wouldn't that mean they'd be together?
Suddenly, he felt something on his cheek. When he opened his eyes, he saw Simon. He was clean, and pale with a soft glow to him; like a ghost.
"I just want you to know who I am." Simon said. "It's me… Simon. I came back for you… and if you do not ant to see me again, I would understand."
Roger sat up, forcing his lips into the other boy's, both of their cheeks glistening with tears."
I just want you to know who I am…