Unrehearsed Feelings

"I think it's time to go to bed."

"Yeah, I also think so. We have to get up early tomorrow for the wedding. Thank you for everything. The dress, the cake tasting, the place, the decoration. I owe you for everything you did for me for this last week."

"Hey, that's what friends are for, right?"

She smiled and took a last dip from her champagne flute. The liquid fizzled in her tongue and she tasted the alcohol.

"If you say so. I'm not sure I'd do all that for you without you asking me to."

"Of course you would. You are a generous person."

He leaned towards her and discretely inspired to smell her sweet perfume. It smelled like pine, or maybe musk, a summer-like scent that reminded him of good moments they had passed together. Moments that would never happen again for they belonged to the past. He placed his hand in her naked shoulder and looked at her. The black evening gown fit her body perfectly only not covering the necessary. It was not too conservative nor too bold. The cleavage was not too deep and she was wearing a beautiful set of silver earrings and a matching necklace that smoothly touched her breasts. The rehearsal had gone perfectly and everything was more than ready to the big event.

"Am I? Well, maybe I am, I don't know who I am anymore. Tomorrow I'll be a married woman with a lot to do. But tonight... I don't know. I guess I just have to sleep."

His hand slid to her arm and he leaned towards her to kiss her in her pale cheek. Then he felt her breath on his ear and placed his lips on her face, making little pressure, secretly recording this moment in his memory. Her right hand touched his neck and then, not standing it anymore, he quickly turned his face to hers and gave her a kiss in her red lips. "Instanteously" she responded running her hand through his short, dark hair and pressing her mouth against his. Their tongues met and ran though each other's mouth while he softly carressed her long, blonde, smooth hair. They kept on kissing with a growing intensity, loosing their control and craving for the next hug, the next kiss, the next touch of their skins. His hand touched the side of her breasts and moved down her waist and hip, only stopping in her thigh, grabbing it fiercefully. She was the first to break the kiss and hold his face between his hands, looking at him in his eyes.

"We can't do this, not now, not ever."

"Shhh. Don't worry."

"I love you but we can't do this to him. We can't do this to ourselves."

"Do you love him?"

"Yes, of course I do. What other reason would I have to marry him?"

They were in her hotel room. She wasn't staying with her future husband this night to follow tradition. She wanted to feel pure and untouched the next morning. It was him who brought her to her room because she was already a bit drunk. They ordered another bottle of champagne to celebrate the wedding, to toast to their future, altought they knew none of them had any motives to celebrate or toast. They loved each other for years and though she loved her future husband as well, she felt confused and lost.

"No one would know. Please, think of it as a goodbye, a last night."

"No, I can't. Try to understand."

He leant towards her again and kissed her in her forehead. Taking another breath, he hugged her tight and holded her in his arms for a long time. Thinking about how all turned out, he let a tear slide down his face, wetting not only his but also her face. Other tears joined the first and soon after they were both crying, their tears merging and running faster down her faces, dropping from their chins and falling in their chests. After some minutes without saying a word, he backed out and stood up.

"Well, have a good night, Julia."

"Good night, Christian"

Before closing the door behind him he let something escape through his lips. Something she had never heard. Something that if she had heard before from him, would change everything. However he didn't have the courage to say it out loud, he only whispered it and she didn't even realize he was talking. Maybe if she had heard him, everything would have turned out differently.

An hour after he was laying in his bed, facing the ceiling and he let those words out again, unconsciously trying to bury those feelings.

"I love you."