Life begins and life ends
This story is about a girl, who believe it or not
Didn't believe in Love
Until Now…Please…Don't leave…
This Emptiness is too much to bear,
This loneliness is too painful.
Don't leave…Mother, Father.
You're the only thing I have, yet you walk away from me.
Leaving me alone, in this cold dark world.
And that was how it began.
A sickness had overcome both of my parents and they died together in the hospital,
And left me alone.
The only person I have now is my sister, who doesn't care too much for me.
"Sis, I'm leaving for my mission. Okay?"
A brunette sitting on the couch with her back facing to me ignored the words I just said. Her hair was long and beautiful landing past her shoulders onto her light brown shirt. I wished to see her expression, to see if she cared. I wanted to know if her blue eyes and thin mouth would smile in approval of me. I wish she cared.
I turned to face the door and walked out without another word. I walked down the hot streets in my black clothes. My black pants were rolled up right above my knees. My black shirt was loose on me and one of my shoulders was exposed. My short brown hair reached up to my shoulders. When the wind blew, the bangs on the right side of my face covered my eye. I was a simple chunin on my way to another mission.
I met up with my teammates, Rui and Kisaragi. Our mission was to find a boy that had been missing for several hours now. We headed into the woods without much talk and commenced our mission. I searched in the location farthest away from the village, towards the west. After an hour or so of searching on my own, I could hear human noises farther ahead. With caution, I approached where the noise had come from and saw the sight that would haunt me for weeks on end. I saw a boy in red clothes and noticed it was Gaara; the boy they all claimed was a monster. He was kneeling on the floor; his hands were clutching his head, in what seemed pain. He was shaking and was covered in blood.
Next to him…was the missing boy. They boy had been slaughtered and his blood was the blood that Gaara was covered in. They boy's chest was ripped open and I covered my mouth in disgust and horror. That poor boy…How could Gaara do that? Did he really have a demon in him? I turned my back towards the unsettling scene and was about to run for it when I heard Gaara speak.
"Get…out of my head…" Gaara said.
His tone of voice sounded demanding but in pain. He trembled and it seemed as if he was fighting with himself. I now understood. There was a demon inside of him, but it wasn't Gaara who was the demon. The demon and him were two separate souls, in one body. What a horrible way to live…losing control of one's self time and time again. I couldn't look at the picture any longer; it made me realize how morbid and unfair life can be. The boy was innocent and was murdered, slaughtered and torn apart by a boy who was controlled by a demon against his will.
I left the woods in shame. I found my two teammates and told them I didn't find the boy. How could I tell them that Gaara had slaughtered him? My conscious wouldn't let me for some reason. But why? Why does he have that demon inside of him? Why is everyone afraid of him? Why?
Why? Why did you die? Why did you leave me alone? Why does my sister, Miho, not care about me? I wish to be loved, I wish to be heard. But why?
That night, I couldn't sleep. The sight I laid eyes on wouldn't leave my mind. When I finally fell asleep, I dreamt of Gaara having a demon possessing him and killing the whole village. Then, I saw my parents in the hospital beds, I reached my hand towards them, but they were distancing themselves from me. I cried out for them, I cried my tears, I screamed for help. My sister now looked at me with an empty expression; she turned her back to me and started to walk away.
I gasped when I awoke. My heart was pounding and I was clutching my bed sheets, sweating. I wiped my forehead with the sleeve of my shirt and turned over.
'It was only a dream…
But why do I keep having these sorts of dreams?
I forced myself to fall back asleep. Tomorrow, I was going to train. I wasn't very strong yet I wasn't a weakling. I had a lot of spare time on my hands so the only thing I could do was train. Then I realized, tomorrow was a festive day. There was going to be a parade when the sun sets and it will be a family day.
Tomorrow was definitely a training day for me.
Slowly, I came into consciousness. In the distance, I could hear birds. I yawned and sat up. Rubbing the sleep out of my eyes, I walked towards the kitchen. I prepared some quick ramen; I wanted to start my training early. I bathed and changed into my clothes. Without seeing my sister, I left the house. Even though the sun was up outside, it was still early. I would guess about 7 in the morning. The streets were mostly empty that morning, it was windy and lonesome. I walked into the forest to practice my skills. I didn't know why I did it, fight. Why do I fight? I don't do it for my sister, or for the friends I have, not even for the pride of my country. So why do I fight?
I took out a shuriken, held it between my hands and concentrated on my chakra. I threw the shuriken and while it was in the air, did my hand symbols. Then a thin line from the flying shuriken to my wrist became visible. It was a string of chakra, with it; I controlled the movements of my shuriken and made it twist around a tree. Using my wrist, I pulled the string ever so slightly to make the tree split in half. I pulled the shuriken towards me and kept practicing. Again and again, I split the trees surrounding me until there were no more. I fight for myself. I'll fight only to survive and to have a purpose in life, what other purpose would I have? None at all.
I'm weak now, but I'll grow stronger, I never want to end up like the boy who was slaughtered. I won't be killed. I want to find someone, someone who can understand and maybe someone who could be a friend. I stopped for a moment to look up at the sky. The sun was up, shining so powerfully, yet, the sun was all alone. If only the sun had a companion, I would want to be the sun. I want to be like all those other girls, the jonins who are strong and yet, have family and people who care about them. That's what I want. Is that too much to ask? Will my wish be granted? I don't want to fall into darkness, but I'm no where near the sunshine…
I reached my arm towards the sun, trying to grab it. It seemed so close but was so far…The truth is…
I'm afraid. I'm afraid of life, of happiness, and of sadness. I'm afraid of it all. I'm afraid to be happy for the simple reason that…it could be snatched away from me in less then a minute, in a moment I could lose the happiness I've wanted for so long. Then what will I do? I'm scared of sadness because I don't want to fall into darkness. I don't want a demon dwelling inside my heart, gashing at my insides to be let out. I don't want to become inhuman or suffer. I sat down and pulled my knees up.
I chuckled, "Who am I kidding? I'm asking for a perfect life…"
But that's what I wanted, a perfect life. I've wished for so many things since my parents passed away, I've wished for so many things and I just expected it to come falling form the sky. But just maybe…I should do something about it. I should work towards a goal, and achieve it. But what could I do? I want a reason to live…How can I find that? I looked at the trees I destroyed laying on the ground. The only way to prove I exist…is to fight.
That's what I thought. There was no other reason. And so I trained. I stayed awake during the night, training and training. I didn't give up…I couldn't give up…If I did, then I really wouldn't have a reason to exist. I'm going to become so strong, that people will need me, that they'll love me. Yes, that's what I thought. I had that state of mind for a year, but in the back of my head…I could still hear myself thinking about that boy…and about Gaara and in the back of my mind, there was a darkness that thought love doesn't exist and that I would never have a reason by doing well.
A year has passed…
Blood on my hands, on my face. I was soaked with it. I was soaked in sin. But this is what I wanted, right? I've become strong. I trained and killed myself to be in this position. So why am I not happy? It is because I've murdered? It is because I'm an assassin for my village? I wanted to be strong but…I didn't want to kill. I'm just like him now. I couldn't control myself, after one dead body, I had to keep going. I wiped the blood off my hands, but I could still feel it there. There were dead bodies all around, I had to leave that place…
I ran away from the edges of the water country. My mission was to find a certain organization and kill the leader, but I killed them all. All 15 of them. It was by mistake though, right? I ran as fast as I could back to Suna. When I arrived, I reported back to the Kazekage about the success of my mission. He seemed pleased but I didn't care about that. Then the Kazekage made a proposal to me.
"How would you like to become one of Suna's greatest ninjas?"
My eyes widened, "What?"
He chuckled, "It's a great honor to be a splendid ninja, no?"
"…Yes. I understand. I accept."
Under the Kazekage's hat, I saw a thin smile, "We will begin tomorrow. Report to the hospital tomorrow at 9 a.m. and tell them I sent you."
By the time I was walking home, it was late at night. About 12 a.m. I'd guess. Why did I agree? Is that what I truly wanted to be? A weapon? But if it will give me purpose…I'd accept anything. I slept restlessly that night and I felt more alone then ever. When I arrived at the hospital in the morning, the nurses received me with a fearful look.
I came into a large white room. There was a hospital bed and a nurse waiting for me. There was nothing else in the room except for those two things. The nurse told me to lie down on the bed and I did as I was told. Then she pulled out a shot from her pocket and injected a liquid into my body. I soon felt tired and closed my eyes for some sleep. When I awoke, I felt bizarre and drowsy. I tried to stand but my legs were weak and my vision was blurry. I fell to my hands and knees and felt something different about me. I looked up and saw a person in front of me, I couldn't make out who it was or whether it was a man or a woman. But they dropped some liquid onto the floor in front of me. The shock hit me, I could smell it and see it clearly, it was blood. A bloodlust erupted inside of me, I wanted to smell more, taste more blood. I began to shake and a pain erupted from my chest. I placed a hand on my heart, from the pain. I gritted my teeth and squeezed my eyes closed.
'What is…this pain!'
The pain was starting to get worse and I started screaming a little, I collapsed onto the floor and rolled myself into a little ball. I wanted the pain to go away…I couldn't make out too much of what I heard next but that pain stopped after I heard it.
"She's going to…We have to stop…Clean…blood…Hurry."
I gasped form the sudden release of pain from my chest. Sweat dripped down my face and I wheezed as I was breathing. My consciousness slipped away from there on…
When I awoke, I was in my bed. I sat up suddenly and looked around, they must have brought me here. That was the only explanation. I looked to my bedside table and found a note from the Kazekage explaining my new condition.
You now have the Hachimata in you. Hachimata is the 8-tailed dragon.
You are to arrive to the Kazakage's office at 4, we will be waiting.
The Hachimata? They…inserted a demon into my body…Those bastards. I can't blame them though, I knew something like this would happen. But I wanted a reason to exist didn't I? Be careful of what you wish for…you might just get that wish. I looked out the window but I didn't feel so different. At 4, I was standing outside the Kazekage's office, just as I was asked to do. I heard the deep voice saying come in and I opened the doors and stepped inside. Standing beside his father, was Gaara. I walked towards the front of the Kazekage's desk and awaited his words.
"Gaara, this girl will now be your partner in missions. She also possesses a biju so you cannot kill her. I'm not sure if she is able to sleep so tonight, stay with her at our home to make sure she doesn't fall asleep."
Gaara's father turned to me, "Congratulations, you are now one of the finest ninjas in this village. Your first mission is in two days."
"Now Gaara, take Nozomi to our home."
Gaara closed his eyes and began walking out the door. I looked at the Kazekage's face one last time then followed Gaara. I didn't know much about this boy but I knew he was different than the others. He walked without looking back, or without acknowledging my existence but I didn't care so much for that. We soon came upon this grand house, the house of the Kazekage. I stared in wonder as I saw the magnificent and grand two-story home. It was elegant and had decorations that no one but the Kazekage could afford. Gaara opened the door and went in, before the door closed, I walked quickly after him. He walked upstairs without saying a word to me.
"Gaara? What am I supposed to do?"
I felt a chill as Gaara eyed me with a cold glare. I felt afraid, from that simple glare. I didn't notice, but my feet were moving backwards slowly. I stopped moving when I reached the door but he kept looking at me. He didn't say a word to me before heading upstairs. I looked at my hands, I was shaking. Why was I so afraid? That glare was frightening but wait. I shouldn't be afraid. I also have a demon inside of me, I should not feel inferior because I am on the same level as him! I clenched my fist and tried to gather the courage to walk up the stairs after him. I managed to walk up the stairs but when I came onto his closed door, I couldn't knock. The fear held back my hand. I closed my eyes and lifted my hand…
I twisted around to see a boy, at the end of the hall, looking out his bedroom door. He had black clothing that covered his head. He also had many purple tattoos on his face. I had seen him before, he was always with Gaara along with another girl. The girl and this boy were Gaara's siblings. I just looked at the boy, not knowing what to do. He walked quickly over to where I was and grabbed my arm.
"You don't want to do that. That's Gaara's room. You don't go in there, if you want to come out alive." The boy warned me.
"I-I'm sorry. The Kazekage sent me here with Gaara but I don't know what to do. The Kazekage said I'm supposed to stay here for the night to make sure…"
The fear of why he sent me now began to sink in a little. The boy looked at me with an attentive look.
"To make sure…" I tried to finish, but the fear caught and closed my throat.
I felt dizzy, the room was spinning, I felt the sweat slowly make its way down my face. The oxygen wasn't getting into my lungs and as I looked at the boy, the world grew dark.
You are a demon.
You have finally found your purpose, to kill.
Your fate has been decided, you were demon from the start.
Now your heart will be consumed with hatred and shame.
My eyelids blinked open. I looked at the unfamiliar ceiling and sat up. I was on a couch, in the Kazekage's home.
"You finally woke up."
I turned to my side to find the boy sitting on a chair. He didn't have the frightening glare Gaara had, I was glad about that.
"You passed out."
I looked at my hands and back at him, "I-I'm sorry. I just…I became afraid."
He asked, "Are you afraid of Gaara?"
I shook my head, "I'm afraid…I should tell you. I'm…like Gaara."
The boy chuckled, "You seem completely different. By the way, I'm Kankuro."
"No really. I…I have a demon inside of me."
"I know that."
I sat up, confused, "What?"
"A chunin came by telling us all the information."
"But you aren't…"
"Afraid? I haven't seen anything to be afraid of."
My mouth curved upwards at an edge, "I'm Nozomi."
"Nice to meet ya Nozomi. There's an extra bedroom next to mine that you can stay in for tonight. Oh that reminds me, you're not supposed to sleep tonight. But the Kazekage left you some papers to read, I put them on your bed already and the same chunin who told me about you brought you some clothes from your home."
Kankuro was trying to be nice, and I appreciated that. I usually never felt this kind of kindness from anyone, and I would cherish this moment.
Night came so quickly and I didn't want to be left alone.
I sat on the bed in the guest bedroom. I had unpacked and placed my things in the cabinets, I didn't have a lot of possessions so it took me very little time to organize my things. I had dedicated myself to reading all of the papers the Kazekage has sent me. It wasn't much and I was quickly done. All that was sent to me said the same. It told me that I now possessed the demon Hachimata, the eight-tailed dragon inside of me. Why was Kankuro so nice? Shouldn't he be afraid, shouldn't he be worried? The papers had said that Hachimata was a calmer demon than Shukaku, the demon inside of Gaara. The letters also had information about Gaara. It told about Gaara's fragile temper. That he could never sleep or else the demon would gain control of his body.
"This is too much for one day." I sighed and walked out onto the small balcony that my room had. The moon wasn't visible tonight and Kankuro had fallen asleep many hours ago. The cold wind brushed against my skin and my hairs rose. I looked towards the roof of this home and saw the red-haired shinobi. His back was facing me, and he was staring at the sky. You'd think he was a statue, the way he sat completely still. His shadow didn't look human at all but was an organic form that looked more like a monster than anything. Cautiously, I approached Gaara. When I stopped by his side, he turned his head towards me and uttered in a calm, rude manner,
"What do you think you're doing here?"
I looked at my feet and felt ashamed, what was I doing there? Why was I standing next to someone who obviously didn't want me there?
I answered with trembling hands, "I-I know both you and me have um, demons inside of us and I wanted to k-know what it was like…"
Gaara looked away from me and again, I saw the pain that laid in his soul. The look in his eyes…I knew the feeling too well. He stared at where the moon should have been if it wasn't so cloudy tonight. Another breeze blew past us. An eerie silence overcame us and Gaara didn't answer my question.
"It comes out when the moon is shining."
I knew to what he was referring to but why didn't he answer my question? I sat down in hopes of getting to know this shinobi but as soon as I sat down, he stood up to leave. I turned my head and saw him walk away towards his room. He didn't glance back and I forced my head to look away. I looked towards the sky and the far away buildings that were so close. I hugged my knees and again asked myself the question that's never been answered.
My name means hope, but it doesn't suit me. I'm losing my hope; I can't count on life anymore. But what is my purpose? To be a demon? Or is there something else…