Nothing is Forever

Nothing is forever. Dean had learnt that lesson long ago and he had learnt it well. There had been a time when he didn't have this grain of wisdom, when Mommy would be there forever and Daddy would be there forever and so would the happiness that came with them. It had been a high price to pay to learn that lesson, and a fucking painful one at that. He'd be damned if he'd let it catch him out again.

So, he prepared himself. At every turn he expected another life-shattering loss. He spent his spare time going over all the possible scenarios.

"What if Sammy gets sick?"

"What if Daddy gets sick?"

"What if Sammy falls and hurts himself?"

"What if Daddy comes back really badly hurt?"

"What if Daddy never comes back?"

"What if I couldn't look after Sammy?"

"What if Daddy died?"

"What if Sammy died?"

"What if they both died?"

It hurt to think about these things but it had to be done. If any of these things happened he now knew what to do. Most importantly, he was expecting it, he was never going to be caught off-guard again.

Though Dean would never say it, his daddy's obsession did nothing to alleviate his anxieties. It was a wrench to watch his daddy go every time and he thought about anything but his daddy out there alone, without any protection, otherwise he'd just about die of worry. He wanted to be out there with his daddy, with Sammy, the whole family together so he could keep an eye on the both of them all the time. That way, he could intervene, he could stop the bad things happening. Even though the bad things were inevitable, like hell he'd let it happen on his watch, while he still had breath.

That hadn't been possible, not for years, because although he may have tried hard, he just couldn't be in two places at once. He eventually had to forget his worry for his daddy. That kind of worry consumed his every thought and took over his world, so he made it all better with a "Dad can handle himself," that he forgot he didn't believe. He turned all his energies towards Sammy. It wasn't so painful to worry about Sammy when he was sitting in the same room.

All this worrying exhausted Dean. He hid his exhaustion behind a self-assured smile and any number of jokes because if people saw it, they would worry and that would be like Dean passing on his curse. Anyway, other people have their own problems, they don't want to hear about an endless loop of anxieties a small boy created after his world collapsed. They wanted to know why even less.

It was so he could fool himself into thinking he could stop it happening again. It was so he could hurt less next time it happened. He was sure there would be a next time, the stakes were just too high for him not to be.

Then, one day after Sammy left, Daddy went missing. Dean's mantra returned loud and clear as the prophecy he'd made for himself began to become true.

"What if Sammy gets sick?"

"What if Daddy gets sick?"

"What if Sammy falls and I'm not there to catch him?"

"What if Daddy is alone in a forest somewhere, cold and hurt?"

"What if Daddy's already dead and gone?"

"What if Sammy's never coming back?"

"What if they've both left me?"

Dean was almost out of his mind with worry.

"I can't do this on my own,"

"Yes you can,"

"Yeah well, I don't want to."


Hope you enjoyed it!