Disclaimer: I do not own or lay claim to anything related to Supernatural, and I certainly do not believe myself to be Shakespeare or to have written anything with his name on it (as that would make me roughly four hundred years old).

A/N: I must warn thee, randomness shall abound in this production. There's something about reading Shakespeare that makes me want to talk in iambic pentameter and with 'thee's and 'thou's... though that might just be me and my weirdness. In any case, out of sheer boredom, I decided to write Supernatural in the style of Shakespeare for kicks and giggles. I hope you giggle, but if you think this is the dumbest thing ever, feel free to kick me.

Oh, and thanks to the wonderful formatting of this website, I can't show their shared lines with just spaces, so... ignore all the dashes. There are lots of them, so pretend that they're just spaces so it'll look like the actual format of Shakespearean text.


The Tragedy of Supernatural

By William Fakespeare

Enter Sam and Dean

Sam. Methinks a battle mine eyes see.

Dean.------------------------------------------What, ho!

------Here in th' impending days; what visions doth

------Arrive behind thine eyes, two orbs alight,

------Like all hell's fury come to poison Earth—

Sam. Alack! Cans't thou not barricade thy tongue

------And let me speak?

Dean. ----------------------Upon a word, I shall,

------And commend me to thee.

Sam.----------------------------------My thanks I give.

------Erupting in my sight, there came the flames,

------Their dev'lish tongues of venom come to burn

------And, within th' enfolding darkness, manifested

------There, the Demon our enemy, fie, fie!

------With sinful cloak of trickery cast on his most

------Horrific form, O foul, foul beast!

------Smiling, smiling, damnèd, villainous beast!

Dean. Fie! Mine ears need hear no more from thy lips,

------So filled with ghastly juices that doth flow

------Within and quench my heart with most dreadful

------Apparitions. Art thou afeard of thorny branches

------Fixed in our path twixt love and retribution?

------My dear cousin, Sammy of Stanford,

------What say'st thou of such matters, I implore?

------What say'st thou of the stones that beat us down

------Into a most bloody end?

Sam. ------------------------------What, stones? Nay,

------Not stones, but lack thereof, do beat us down,

------But if thou hads't some extra, which I doubt,

------Cans't thou not lend a pair?

Dean. --------------------------------- Vulgar, thy speech,

------But if thou ask, methinks I have enough

------To spare a stone for thee, who needs have none.

Sam. Thou hast true cockiness about thyself,

------And now I daren't say more. But soft, I must

------Make one request of thine own blackened tongue.

------Nay, not request, but statement, thus: My name,

------(Though what is in a name, I cannot say)

------A thousand times is Sam.

Dean. ------------------------------ Thine elders know

------Thee well, and therefore call thee young Sammy,

------Marry! Get thee a gun, I beseech thee,

------And let us hearken to the call for aid

------Of our kinsmen, for Evil doth abound

------In spectral forms, and th' duty is ours

------To smite them with our weaponry and blast

------Them with our salt; and set their bones aflame

------And, in merriment, blow'st up some shit.

Sam. -------------------------------------------------- Word.