Author's Note: So I got to thinking, which always tends to be a dangerous thing for me to do, and I realized something. Guess who hasn't been in any of my stories until now, and will thusly become the focal point of this one?
Yeah, that's right.
Yukari sat at her desk in the teacher's offices, almost positive that she could see the clock on the wall actually slowing down and coming to a halt. She stared at the papers in front of her, frowning with the realization that trying to guess a student's score instead of actually grading it turned out to be far less accurate than she'd initially anticipated. Soon, she grew tired of simply sitting there, and began to fidget. Quietly at first, but after noticing that nobody paid her any mind for it, she decided to do it much more loudly. After a short while, she started casting furtive glances at Minamo, motioning with her eyes to the wall clock.
Minamo sighed and decided it'd be best for her to give the other teachers peace at the very least, and glanced around to see who was still there.
She looked over to Yukari, who was now miming the motions of driving, and decided to call it a day anyway. "Well, Miss Tanizaki and I have to be heading home now. Have a nice weekend, Mr. Kimura. Don't forget to lock up."
"Wah! I must utter unto you a sad goodbye!" Kimura cried out.
"Yes, deep, heartfelt regret that I won't be able to gaze upon your gorgeous visages for at least two painful days! Just the thought of it pierces my soul with relentless pangs of grief!"
"… er… right. Goodbye then," replied Minamo in as polite a fashion as she could manage. She exited into the school's main hallway, noting that Yukari was already halfway down.
The English teacher glanced over her shoulder and shouted at her. "C'mon, Nyamo, let's go! Burn rubber! Torch asphalt! Fill the streets with the weeping and wailing of the widowed!"
"There are still children here for club activities, Yukari! Keep your voice down!"
The little blue car maneuvered its way along the Tokyo streets in a methodical manner that would have made traffic instructors weep with joy. It was very… standard. The same could not be said of the conversation that took place within the little blue car.
"Yukari… I've been thinking…" Nyamo said, quietly.
Yukari gasped and turned to her friend, feigning shock."What? You think? That's impossible, you're a P.E. teacher!"
"I swear, if I wasn't driving, I'd kill you. Right now. Violently." muttered the gym teacher through clenched teeth.
"You could let me drive."
"I only want to kill you, not both of us."
Yukari smiled nonchalantly, brushing off the declarations of murderous intent. "So anyway, you were thinking, yeah? Tell me these thoughts, Nyamo, so I can discern if they were actual thoughts. You never know, with you being a P.E. teacher and all, you might have mistaken an itch for a thought."
"Yukari…" Nyamo started, but was immediately cut off.
"No, wait! I've got it! You're going to profess your undying love for me, right? You've always secretly hoped that the saying 'Everyone's a little gay,' held true, so that you could fulfill your fantasies with your gorgeous childhood friend! A passion that you've kept secret since our high school days, for fear that your forbidden love would be rejected? Yes, of course, you've been lusting after me for years, but your puny gym teacher brain could never find the words! The angst built up in you, like air in a balloon, until you were on the verge of the bursting point! And now, of course, you have me as a captive audience, and you wa-"
"You really should stop reading so much fanfiction. It's messing with your head. Not everyone is a closet bisexual and sexual deviant."
"I don't hear you denying any of it," Yukari said, making an exaggerated kissing motion.
"Yukari, stop that."
"Wha? Oh, fine, if not that, then what is it?"
"I was thinking about Kimura."
The English teacher let her jaw drop. She paused for a few seconds, doing nothing but gaping at Minamo in a way that was eerily reminiscent of the classical literature teacher. "Kimura? Nyamo, I know that you're desperate for a man, and all, but seriously… Kimura? I know, I know, that's not actually an argument, but all I should have to say is 'Kimura?' and you should get my point."
"No, no, but…" Minamo paused for a second, trying to figure out how to make this clear to her friend. "Okay, why do you think Kimura's so bad?"
"Aha! So you do want Kimura! He's married, you know."
"Just answer the question."
"As you will, Nyamo, Homewrecker Adept. Kimura is a pervert. It's common knowledge, really. You've talked to the girls, and he's even gone in on your poolside gym classes on at least one occasion. It's plain to see why you shouldn't really get with Kimura."
"Okay, stop. Think. Kimura is pervy, yes? That's your argument… but has he actually acted on it? All he does is look."
"A lot of perverts just look."
"Not in the way Kimura does. When Kimura's looking, he makes it astoundingly clear that he's looking. He doesn't subtly sneak a peek, or that sort of thing, but he just shouts it out. Earlier today, even, he declared that he was saddened because he couldn't watch us anymore."
"So? He's a pervert with self confidence."
"Yeah, but he'd have to be an imbecile to outright declare it."
"Kimura's not an imbecile. He's a classical literature teacher, you know. That kind of job actually does take some braininess."
"So what if he's smart? What if he just let his genitals hijack his mind, or something? Besides, he could be hitting on those girls, yeah? I mean, what if he's a pervert who's trying to take it to the next level?"
"Yukari… how long have we been working at that school?"
"Seven… eight years, maybe? I don't know. Still, Kimura was there when we started."
"And how long has he been acting this way?"
"Uh… lemme think… I don't think I remember him acting any other way."
"Exactly. So for seven or eight years, he's been acting like this. It's not a recent development or anything, so I'd find it kind of a stretch to think that he's just trying to ramp it up."
Yukari blew out a small puff of air in irritation. "Pfft. I don't see that stopping my 'He's just hitting on them' argument at all. You silly gym teacher, stick to basketball and not logical arguments!"
"Stop. Think. If he's been hitting on girls for these past eight years, then why hasn't he succeeded?"
"'cause he's creepy Mr. Kimura."
"No, I don't think that's it at all. Even if he doesn't have success within the school, he should have at least been seen with some girl outside the school. You simply cannot have a personality like that and not have a few people spying on you almost all of the time."
"So he's not lucky. What about the case with Kaorin? He definitely hits on her, so much that I feel bad for her. Come to think of it, I remember the year before that there was a similar situation with another girl, you know? I forget her name, but I definitely remember a few things about her..." Yukari grinned, remembering a few things that the student probably wouldn't want remembered.
Noting the look on Yukari's face, Minamo decided that she'd do best to drag her back on topic as soon as possible. "Like the bit where she was obviously a lesbian."
"Yeah, I remember that. And Kaorin too, eh? That Kimura guy certainly can pick them, can't he?"
"Yeah, he certainly can pick them. Each time he actually does focus on a girl, she turns out to be a lesbian, or at the very least generally not interested in men. He did that two years ago too."
"So he's got some bad luck, yeah?"
"No, Yukari. Each of those girls was always pretty obviously lesbian, at least, she was to everyone else."
"Maybe he's just blind to that kind of thing! Nyamo! Breakthrough theory! Kimura was raised by extremist religious nuts, and as a result he doesn't even believe in lesbians! His sex drive, supressed by religion, rages and calls out, thus creating a reason for his perverse ways! Fortunately, the strong moral values stemming from the religious upbringing stop him from doing anything more than looking and making a few lewd comments!"
"No, Yukari. He picks the girl who is guaranteed to reject him. Every single time, he always picks the one girl who, no matter what, wouldn't want him."
"So then, Holmes, what's your brilliant conclusion?"
"Kimura is not a pervert."
"What?" Yukari recoiled, shocked. She followed the statement to the obvious conclusion. "So you're saying that he just pretends to be a pervert?"
"Yep. My theory is that Kimura pretends to be a pervert."
Yukari still couldn't believe it. "Why, then? Accusations fall apart if there's no motive!"she shouted, incredulously.
"That's something… that I don't know." admitted Minamo, sagging in her seat.
"But I can find out. Yukari, I'm going to find a way to investigate this, somehow. I don't know how yet, but I can think about it tonight. Will you help me?"
"Are you sure that this isn't some extremely roundabout plan to get into my panties?"
"I'm not trying to get into your panties."
"Oh, fine, alright."
"Yeah, sure, okay. After all, what is a man? A miserable pile of secrets! Let's figure out what exactly this Kimura fellow's hiding!"
"Think up a plan tonight, we'll meet tomorrow morning and start our investigation."
Minamo pulled into Yukari's driveway. "Well, here's your stop."
Yukari exited the car, but turned to Minamo before heading home. "Work hard, Nyamo! Rack your puny gym teacher brain for all that it could possibly be worth, because tomorrow we are embarking upon a most noble crusade! Tomorrow we fight for truth and justice! Tomorrow, we harden our hearts and we weather the horrific hardships that accompany the quest for such a noble and lofty goal! You must be prepared, Nyamo, such that we may conquer such a task as has been set forth before us!"
Minamo sighed. It was my idea, and now she's the one getting all worked up over it. "Yes, yes, Yukari. Get some rest, and write up a plan of some sort. Tomorrow, we'll uncover the ghastly truth."
"Kimura's skeleton, here we come!"
"Skeletons in the closet! A saying, you silly gym teacher!"
"Go home already!"
Minamo sat in the driveway for a short while longer, making sure Yukari made it into her home before she sped off.
The truth… it is a pretty noble quest, I guess.
Author's Note: It's a Nyamo and Yukari fic! Kimura too! I've actually not written any stories with these guys playing anything more than bit parts, really. They don't appear at all in Wanderers or The Spin, and in Endeavors Nyamo does nothing, Kimura does about as much, and all Yukari manages is a short argument with Genji and Tomo. I've decided that I really do want to use them in stories later on, so I figured that I'd best get some practice in. Yukari and Nyamo are going to be the main characters for this story (surprise! shock!) but Kimura's going to be the focal point of the plot, so I guess it all balances out in the end.
Oh, and the other motive for this story, of course. Kimura's usually painted as simply a pervert, so I wanted to come up with another explanation for his actions. Here's hoping it doesn't sound too ridiculous in the end, yeah? This story will probably be fairly short, but hey, we'll see.
Read and review, because IT PLEASES ME.