-Sue dismissed-

by Linwenilid

The vigilance booth was deserted. The guard had come out from it, hands a-rubbing, in hopes they'd warm up under the feeblest of sunlight rays, pouring through a shifting cloud in the cold of February. Standing guard was not an interesting job, but he needed the money, and it was as good a sum as the wrought-iron gates were magnificent, so he always did it with heart; although, in mornings like this one, he had a little less desire to keep a vigilant countenance.

Not long after he'd stepped out the booth, though, he had to resume his duties at the sight of a strange figure, which seemed to appear out of thin air. Even though the girl –for she seemed to be a very young one, judging by the look in her eyes– walked shyly towards him, the shade of fluorescent-pink her waist-long hair displayed startled him as a camera flash. The strange individual wore a skin-tight leather suit that wrapped around her body like a glove. Startled by her appearance –for she seemed to come right out of a science-fiction movie– he failed to notice that such an outfit was most inappropriate for a girl of her apparent age –around thirteen-years-old, he thought, but more by the look of her eyes than by the shape of her body, which seemed padded in several places. As she drew nearer, a strange sensation of peace and rest overcame him, and he found it impossible to suppress the caring smile forming in his lips. She returned the smile and spoke with a misty sort of voice, resembling more the waving whisper of a gentle breeze than an actual human voice, which might have tipped him off about her dubious nature, had he been in an alert state earlier.

"I have come to see Arty. Open the gate, please."

He rested his eyes on her for a few seconds, wearing the serene smile the sight of her had provoked in him until the sound of the word 'Arty' reached his lethargic neurones.

"A-Arty? Master Fowl!"

The guard shook off the stupor and ran back to the vigilance booth, stricken by an ominous thought. He was both ashamed and afraid when he picked the receiver and pressed the intercom button.

"Master Butler! Sue alert! We have a-"

He couldn't finish the sentence. The girl had somersaulted to an impossible height past the gate, and upon landing inside Fowl Manor, her slim frame made a sprint towards the main building, tailed by her flailing pink hair.

The guard watched in awe, jaw dropping, until the commanding voice of Domovoi Butler jerked him back to reality.

"I'm seeing her from up here. Raise the alarm, and do not leave your spot. Again."

The guard could have sworn he heard Butler cursing softly before the sound was cut. Using a trembling hand, he reached up to a nondescript black button between some others, and pressed hard, more so now he had realised they weren't facing the usual kind of threat.

But where was the girl now? She had reached the manor, and was now picking the lock of the front door with what seemed to be a common hairpin, albeit a very shiny one. A grin of confidence spread over her face, as she twisted the Invincible Key inside the keyhole, the hereditary memory of the moment the fairies had gifted her great-great-great-grandmother with such instrument –a key to all kinds of doors and locks– coming to her as the lock finally clicked open.

She pushed the door with a triumphant look. And almost fell on her spot at the sight that greeted her.

Standing in front of her was the most handsome young man she had ever seen. His silver-blonde hair reached his shoulders, and a pair of emerald-green eyes twinkled at her with mischief. His paper-cut features resembled those of an angel, and his clothes were nothing short of stylish; they were a pleasant mixture of third-wave emo with a hint of neo-hippie. Her jaw dropped, and so did the Key. He walked over to her and stretched out his arms, smiling seductively.

"Ah, you're finally here! My dear, I've been expecting you for so long!" His voice was quite musical.

"W-Who..." she tried to ask, but he cut her short.

"Who am I? Why, I'm Artemis Fowl the Second, of course!"

He grabbed her hands and pressed them against his heart, as he gave her a thorough look filled with something close to fanatical adoration.

"I might look slightly... different from what you'd expect, but..." he looked away as if a thought had stricken him all of a sudden, "so many people told me that I was out of style, and that I looked older than I was, and… well, I decided to change my style." He finished, nodding, and left her hands slide down from his.

"But you know what?" He said, eyeing her with the kind of look a child would sport if offered a new toy or sweets. "I still need to get a few things more, so I was wondering..." his eyes squinted in doubt. "…would you come shopping with me? I could use some advice…" He whispered, his face a few inches away from hers, while he smoothed her pink hair with a gentle hand.

"Sh-shoppin'…" She babbled.

"Yes! I mean, damn, just look at you! Your style is awesome." He bathed her once more with a look of profound admiration.

She was lost for words. She expected to find struggle, to have to try her countless talents on a few bulky bodyguards to finally be able to reach Arty and release him from the powerful spell cast over his beautiful mind, the one that a mighty and evil witch called Holly had placed to make him forget his true love, but instead...

Ah, well. She thought. Better this way, I won't be ruining my manicure. She smiled to 'Arty' and grabbed his arm. Both youngsters walked out through the high door and out the manor, after a slight nod from 'Arty' to the shocked guard.

From a window in one of the upper floors, Butler sighed and nodded his approval. Sue dismissed, he proceeded to his usual round, thinking they had had it easy this time. In the computer room, formerly Artemis Senior's study, and safely secured from the high-risk bullet they had just dodged, Artemis Fowl the Second –the real one– surfed the Internet in search of information about which Butler knew close to nothing.

The Eurasian bodyguard couldn't help smiling at the thought of him, completely oblivious to the fact that he had been saved from a fate worse than death; the cruel punishment of becoming the toy of a sugar-hyped teenager with the power of overturn his personality, even if it dropped a few (hundred) IQ points.

Better this way, he thought. This way, Artemis was left alone to do what he did best - plot dastardly acts.


Written almost two years ago, completely revamped as of today. This came from nowhere; I love the idea of Mary-Sues because they're quite easy to poke fun at. Thanks in advance for reading this far, although concrit would surely make my day. ;)