Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling; it's not mine.

It has been four weeks since I arrived at the platform in London; four weeks since I was last with my friends; four weeks since I left all hope behind. I am back in the stupid cupboard again.

The Dursleys are afraid I will write to Moody, so they threaten to withhold what little food I get. Dudley is almost two sizes bigger than Uncle Vernon now and he eats almost four times his weight in food. When I am allowed food, all I receive is their leftovers and between the hog and his son, I get a lot of vegetables, but not nearly enough to sustain me. I am so skinny that I can count my ribs, or at least I could if I was able to see my chest underneath all of the bruising. I am able to cover up all the bruises using wandless magic, but this also prevents me from seeing my ribs. I learned to do wandless magic quite by accident this summer. I had been having a dream about Voldemort, and when I awoke there was a ball of white light in the palm of my hand. Night after night I woke up with this ball of light until I recognized it to be the Lumos charm. Using another charm, one I had seen Ginny use almost a whole year ago after she had fallen down the stairs, I am now able to cover the bruises when Sirius and Remus come to visit.

Sirius has come to visit a lot since he was cleared of all charges. Wormtail was spotted at a raid outside of Canterbury and Fudge had had no choice (thanks to Dumbledore) to clear Sirius' name. Sirius and Remus visit every three days to update me on Voldemort's plans and to just talk. We are only allowed in the living room as long as the shutters are pulled shut. Uncle Vernon is always in the kitchen eavesdropping, and I know that as much as he doesn't want to hear about Freakish things, he would rather listen then allow me to tell me godfather about the things he does to me. These 'things' started the day I got back to Privet Dr.


The ride from King's Cross was a tense affair, and I knew it was only a matter of time before Vernon lost his cool. After the car was parked, Vernon pulled me from the car and into the house where he proceeded to beat me. "Who the hell do you think you are getting those Freaks to threaten me? I'll teach you to be ungrateful for the kindness we've imparted all these years." After Vernon's lesson, I was bleeding heavily and fought for control of my ragged breathing. Aunt Petunia was yelling about my blood staining her new hard wood so she pushed me into my cupboard. It's weird how even after using Dudley's second bedroom for three years, I still think of the cupboard under the stairs as mine. Truthfully though, it has been more of a home for nine years then the Dursley household has. Uncle Vernon locked my trunk and Hedwig's cage before throwing them into the cupboard with me. After sitting in my cramped cupboard for what felt like days, Vernon opened the door and handed me a pail, which was presumably to be used as a toilet, along with a dirty glass of water. "Every three days you'll get out of the cupboard and have a cold shower. Besides that you are not allowed to leave this cupboard under any circumstances. A couple of days later I was allowed out as promised, to shower and also to read a letter Sirius had sent.


Can you believe it? I don't know if you've been reading the Prophet, load of rubbish that they are, but they spotted Peter! I'm free now Harry! I can't wait. Dumbledore says that once the wards have kicked in, sometime around your birthday, you can come and live with Remus and I. Until then I am going to visit you every three days, and make sure those Muggles are treating you well. Ron and Hermione say hello. I'll see you Thursday.

A seriously (ha ha) FREE,

Mssr. Sirius Black

P.S. No code-names any more because I'm FREE!

I had been so excited that I had forgotten Vernon was reading over my shoulder

"There's going to be more Freaks in my house?"


From then on, the beatings have gotten really bad. On the days Sirius and Remus don't come to visit I am severely beaten before being raped repeatedly by Vernon and Petunia. I think it is some kind of game for them, to see who can orgasm last. Dudley often complains because he isn't allowed to join in on the raping, although he is allowed to beat me and sexually assault me. I am so ashamed; I can't tell Sirius or Remus. Why would they ever want me if they knew how dirty I am? I know they would take me away from here, but I would not be able to stand the looks they would give me. Plus, I need the blood wards to renew themselves.


"What are you doing in there, boy?" Uncle Vernon yells. "It's time to play." Uncle Vernon pulls me from my cupboard and drags me up the stairs to Dudley's second bedroom. By the time I realize what is about to happen it is to late to tell Vernon that Sirius is coming a day early for his visit.

A/N This chapter is short because the rape scene had to be cut out. I have most of this story written on paper and the first few chapters will come out faster than the rest. Hopefully I will have time to finish it soon, but I will continue to post chapters, regardless. Thanks for reading and please review. --Steff