Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or New Moon, Stephenie Meyer does. I again do not own Dane Cook Jokes. (just in case!)

Insanity:

Chapter Twelve: Maybe This Was A Bad Idea

Club Underworld

Edward POV

"Omenzia, you are not doing this right!" Jordania screamed. "It's step, step, kick ball change, step, right, step, step, spirit fingers! Not, step, kick ball change, step, step!"

"What does it matter? My version of the dance is much better anyways!" Omenzia stated as she redid her version of the dance. This further pissed off Jordania and Balthazar immediately stepped in for his wife.

"Okay, now we have a show to finish here people. Now, if we want to get out of here on time tonight then lets get this right! Newton! Stop flirting with the Queen… she will never like you!"

Little does he know! That woman is head over heels for Newton… why? I shall never know.

"Wait a moment!" Balthazar continued. "We are missing the Hale twins, Helena, and Alice! Where are they?"

x-x-x

Beverly Hills, CA

Weather… Cloudy

Jasper POV

"OMG! I LOVE THESE SHOES!" Alice nearly screeched as we passed one of many stores that I care not to know the name of. "Jasper, honey, can we stop in here?"

"Yes, darling." I know better then to say no. We entered the store and all three women demanded to see different shoes in their sizes. After that fiasco we left to walk down the street and to let the woman do a little more of what they call "window shopping".

"OMG! LOOK AT THAT NECKLESS!" Helena screamed as we passed Cartier. "All diamonds… oh, we must! I must have it!"

"I can tell you that it has a $20,000.00 price tag…" Rosalie said after a moment. We all stared at her. "What, I have one… Emmett and I had a huge fight last week and he bought it for me… then we made sweet…"

"NO!" Helena said before Rosalie could continue. "We don't want to hear it!" We walked into the store and each walked out with a new diamond like substance… I managed to get Alice a little gift for our anniversary… no doubt she already knows about it.

And that's when I saw it… a book huge bookstore… full of scholarly endeavors for my brain to pick at…

"Um, ladies, I will let the three of shop… I would like to check out this lovely book store."

"Alright, Jazz, we'll meet there in… you know what… we'll just call you."

x-x-x

Alice POV

Gucci store

"I can not believe he got that diamond ring… that particular one costs about $18,000.00. It's also the one I've been eyeing for over a month now." I said as Rose and I put together an outfit for Helena.

"How do you know?" Helena asked me quietly.

" I see the future, my dear, and I know him much to well." I said under my breath.

"Oh." Was all she said and then after a few moments she ducked behind a stand. She grabbed Rose and I as well. "Sorry, but take a good look at that redhead."

"I can only see the back of her head." Rose complained. And then she turned around and the light flicked on about our heads… Victoria. I immediately picked up my phone and called Jasper.

"Jazz, get over to Gucci right now."

"Why? I'm in the middle of…"

"Now, Victoria is here as of right now!" I hung up the phone and I pulled the girls into a dressing room, where we stood and watched as Victoria nonchalantly went through the racks of clothing.

"Shouldn't we call Edward about this?" Rosalie asked after about ten minutes.

"Right." I said. "Then he'll fly down here and want to kill her… she's not going to stay here for very long…but we could follow her for a few hours… now I'll call him."

"I bet he won't believe you." Helena said quietly.

"How much?"

"thousand."

"I'm with Helena… so if we're right… you will need to pay us both a thousand dollars."

"Fine." I picked up my phone and pressed Two. I had Edward on speed dial. Bella was three, Esme four, Carlisle five, Rose six and Emmett was seven… and Jasper was one of course.

x-x-x

Edward POV

"Step, step, kick, step, step, kick, step, kick, step, down on knee… and spirit fingers!" Balthazar finished. "Good, now again!"

Swear to shake it up

If you swear to listen

Oh we're still so young

Desperate for attention

I aim to be

Your eyes

Trophy boys

Trophy wifes…

"WHOSE CELL PHONE WAS THAT!?" Balthazar nearly screeched.

"Alice, not now." I said into the phone.

"Victoria." She whispered in to the phone.

"What do you mean by Victoria?" I felt Bella stiffen beside me.

"She's here in Gucci."

"What?" I whispered back. "Are you sure?"

"I hate the both you." Alice said to someone that was obviously not me. "Of course I'm sure. Get down here… we will follow her around until you get here."

"Alright, but I must warn you, Balthazar is not going to be happy that I left."

"Umm, right, bring down the troops… Emmett, Carlisle, Jason, Balthazar… and the dogs… we'll need them to sniff her out in case we lose her."

"Whatever." I hung up. "We have a situation!" I called. "I will need the following, come forward when I call your name."

"Edward, what is going on?" Esme and Carlisle called at the same time from where they sat in the seating area of the club.

"Alice saw Victoria." I stated. "Emmett, Carlisle, Jason, Balthazar, Jacob, Paul, Embry, Sam, and the other one of you… what ever your name is."

"Jared." Bella informed me.

"Jared… oh, like that guy from the Subway commercials?" I asked.

"Yeah. Only, he's a werewolf."

"The subway guy or him?"

"Why are you playing stupid? Him, of course." Bella snapped.

Okay, so I was acting a little stupid… but what ever.

x-x-x

Beverly Hills Hotel an Hour later

Jasper POV

"Now, why are we here?"

"A. To get rooms and B. To follow little Ms. I want To Kill Bella." Alice stated quietly.

"Like you don't know if we will or not." Rosalie stated as we approached the front desk.

"Two rooms please." I handed her a credit card. The same exact one that I had handed a a girl over a year ago when I was at a mall with Bella… We were on our way to Phoenix and we stopped to feed her and to get some new clothes for Bella…

"Yes, Miss. Lee. Right away. The top floor penthouse is free and it has two bedrooms, would that be alright."

"Perfect. Oh and another… could you tell me if Ceres Wells is staying here… I'm supposed to be meeting with her… she's my cousin."

"Yes, she is, Miss. She is in room 482 on floor 4."

"Could we also have a room right across from there… my brother will be joining us as soon as he gets here… and he doesn't like the top floor."

"Yes, Miss." She typed into the computer and set everything up. She handed us four sets of keys and we headed to the top floor.

"We need stations. Helena, since she doesn't know you, you will stay in 482, Jasper you can man the lobby. Rose, you can pick up the boys at the airport, and I will stay with Helena until they get here. Helena, if you see her in the hall just nod, I'll be in the room. This needs to go off without a hitch… and Helena, how did you know it was her?"

"She's Concordia's daughter… well, only child… I saw a painting that was done of her back when she was only eighteen… right after she became what she is today. Concordia hasn't seen her since… the girl was twenty. She ran off with some lowlife vampire named James. Her name is Ceres Proserpina Victoria Wells. Named after her great grand mother on her mothers side."

"How…" Rosalie started.

"Ask, and you shall receive… providing Concordia is in a good enough mood." Helena finished. "Now, if you don't mind, I am going to change into something a little more comfortable for me… it is much to warm here."

We had reached floor four by now and were standing outside of room 481 which was directly across the hall from Victoria's room.

After about ten minutes Helena came out of the room wearing a…. a sari? I couldn't be sure. (a/n: for those of you who have seen Bride and Prejudice… think of what Lalita is wearing in the movie when she went to the party and when she was with her friends shopping in town. For those of you who have not seen it… think of the one character from the movie Queen of The Damned… if you have no idea who I speak of… it's okay cause were on the same page… I think her name was Pandora… but I think I am wrong!)

All I could tell was that it was dark blue and she had redone her hair… It truly was her.

"What?" she said quietly.

"Nothing." I said a few moments. "It's just I have never seen such a beautiful blue."

This was true. I never have.

"We have movement in the room… everyone places." Jasper said as he left for the elevator.

"Well, I still have an hour or so… so I'll stay here."

"Yes, cause we just might need your help…"