Spoilers: Some for 'Polymorph'

Archive: Yes please, just ask first!

Pairing: Lister/Rimmer

Rating: PG - very mild slash

Warning: Yar, there be slash in these waters

Disclaimer: How I wish I owned them, but unfortunately Grant Naylor got there first.

Summary: Having no fear doesn't just create a homicidal maniac with a passion for twatting things. Missing scene from the episode 'Polymorph'.


Rimmer stood up, thoughts of the whist drive swirling in his head. The would need tables, chairs, possibly snacks…oh and he would need to teach the others to play. For that matter he would need to learn to play, but that could all be sorted out at a later time. He felt fantastic, with none of the frustration or anger that would normally have been floating around his head. The polymorph may be an unfortunate chameleonic life-form to be safely rehabilitated with extreme measures, but that didn't mean it hadn't had any positive effect on their little society.

Rimmer realised the others were leaving. Kryten was ushering Cat out of the room at gun-point, but he was sure they would sort out their differences later over nettle tea and digestives, especially if he put on a tape of calming whale-song in the background. Lister was standing in the doorway, gazing at him with a strange expression on his dirt-smeared face.

"David, if you would mind stepping through the doorway I would be very grateful."

"I don't think I will Arnold," Lister replied, with exaggerated politeness. "I've got something I wanna say."

"Of course David, feel free to confide in me freely. I always have time to listen, so whatever is on your mind…"

He trailed off as Lister moved closer, an almost yearning look on the man's face.

"No fear…" Lister said with a strange smile, as he leaned in closer and aligned his mouth so it was over Rimmer's.

Rimmer's soft-light body meant there was no touch, but it was undeniably a kiss and his eyes opened wide with shock. He could feel nothing, though he knew Lister would be feeling a static tingle where his lips brushed near the field projected by Rimmer's light-bee.

Then, suddenly, Rimmer felt the sensation of lips on his. Looking over Lister's shoulder he saw Holly's face on the monitor. As their eyes met she winked very deliberately before blinking off, and Rimmer knew she was simulating the feeling, just as she simulated his morning shower. He couldn't begin to guess the reason though…maybe another strange symptom of computer senility.

Rimmer was distracted from his thoughts by the shock of desire that washed through him. Without anger to hide behind Rimmer was unable to fight the realisation that the feeling was due to the kiss…and the fact that it was Lister doing the kissing. Almost involuntarily he brought his hand up to rest near Lister's cheek, the other moving round to stop just above the other man's back…the closest Rimmer could come to holding Lister in his arms.

Both men drew back at the same moment, and each stood looking at the other as the silence stretched fine and brittle between them. Rimmer opened his mouth to speak, but then closed it again, and a type of smile he didn't use very often slipped onto his lips.

"No fear." Lister repeated tenderly, echoing Rimmer's smile. The next moment he hoisted his bazookoid onto his shoulder and turned to leave.

"Let's go and twat it!"