A Justice League story by Lavender Gaia
Summary: Batman learns that it always pays to be prepared.
Pairing: Batman/Wonder Woman
Disclaimer: I do not own Justice League or any related characters. They all belong to DC Comics.
Author's Note: Pseudo-sequel to "A Minor Problem." You don't have to have read that to understand this.
Warning: Slightly adult themes. Think of it more as a T+.
Dedicated to alittlesummerwine for being the inspiration for this.
No good deed goes unpunished. That's what Batman had learned so far that day.
That, and Flash needs to remember that Bruce knows where he sleeps, what his alarm code is, and where he works. Wally should be afraid. Very afraid.
Where was the sense in teaching an Amazon to like chewing gum? Where? She liked all the different flavors: fruit, mint, cinnamon, bubble gum. Between cases or on monitor duty, she had gotten into the habit of constantly chewing the stuff. But, seeing as there wasn't a 7-11 on the moon, she rarely had a chance to get her own pack. She had gotten to the point where she would bum a stick off anyone. It just wasn't healthy.
It didn't surprise him that when he stopped by her room to drop off papers she didn't receive while helping refuges from an earthquake in California, that she asked, "Do you have any gum?"
He was quick to respond with a sharp, "No."
"But I thought you had everything. Aren't you always prepared?" she pouted. Generally, it wouldn't sway him. And Bruce thought chewing gum was a very unattractive quality…unless it came to Diana. Nothing is unattractive when it comes to Diana. Even the Batman can fall prey to the pout of an Amazon.
Batman sighed. "Look those over and I'll find you some."
Grinning widely, she kissed his cheek and settled to sit on her bed, cross-legged in an almost cruel attempt to make sure he'd stay. The Flash would stay still to look at those legs. Diana absent-mindedly flipped through the pages of the packet while he started pulling stuff out of his utility belt. Batarangs…jump lines…
"Bat mosquito bite cream?" Diana read off one of the tubes he removed. "Bat hiccup remover?" She raised a cocky eyebrow in his direction, not hiding the smirk on her face.
"Trust me, they come in handy," he grumbled, moving to two new pockets. There was definitely gum in here somewhere. Alfred always slipped it in when he was cleaning it out.
Diana reached for one of the pockets on the side, removing something that was hanging out of his pocket. "What about this?"
Quickly, he glanced at what was in her hand, then back to one of the middle compartments. "That's…" Oh. Shit. Batman looked back at her, where she was grinning widely. "I can explain about that. It's not what you think."
Chin resting in her free hand, she pondered that. "Now, should I be surprised that the Batman carries condoms in his utility belt?"
"Should I be surprised you even know what those are?"
Ignoring the crack, she gestured towards him. "I'm waiting for the explanation, Bruce."
He sighed. "Alfred makes me." Diana didn't seem content with that. "Look, when Dick started dating Starfire—thank god that's over—they were both…very hormonal teenagers. He happened to mention that he started carrying condoms in his belt and Alfred thought it would be a good idea if I had some just in case."
Diana nodded. "Right. Just in case you want to show the Joker a new way you can best him, hm?"
"Not funny," he protested. "I've never used them."
"Not even with Catwoman?" she asked coolly.
He looked her straight in her sky-colored blue eyes. "Not even with Catwoman."
This seemed to relax her. Even if it weren't true, he would have said that. Telling a very attractive woman you had sex with another, even less attractive woman was a bad idea. Especially if said attractive woman had the ability to punch you through the wall.
The Princess examined the package. "They're still good."
Bruce snorted. "Alfred doesn't let anything even close to expiring anywhere near the mansion." This conversation was starting to get uncomfortable. So was the way she was leaning over like that.
"Hm…" She seemed to be considering something while he searched the last of his pockets.
Finally, he found the blister pack and tossed it to her. "Here. Enjoy. Join a support group."
Diana looked at the gum, then back at him. "I don't think this is what I want anymore."
Batman glared at her. "What do I look like, a candy store?"
Getting off the bed, she approached him slowly. "I wasn't looking for something completely sweet…"
Suddenly, she was standing very close. The last few times she had been this close, they had kissed. Then, he had run away scared. It was a very comforting sequence of events, to him at least. But he wasn't an idiot; he could tell she wanted a Thing. Bruce didn't like Things. Things scared him. Especially when Things started to get too personal. But it was a suicidal thought to want to make Wonder Woman a "friend with benefits."
It was a very dangerous question, but he liked danger and he was going to ask it anyway. "Then what are you looking for?"
"What do you think?" Her lips were on his, kissing him passionately, sending heat coursing up and down his body. Gloved hands were buried in her thick hair, holding her head where it was most useful for the both of them. He heard a gentle ripping and a soft clatter on the floor. When he needed air—it wasn't quite as satisfying as Diana, but it would have to do—what he saw was the Amazon princess standing in front of him holding a single Trojan packet in her hand, a questioning look on her face.
It was wrong. This wasn't right. They were teammates. Colleagues, nothing more. It was too fast anyway. And relationships in the workplace were unprofessional on too many levels to count.
Who was he kidding? After all, he was only human.
Several hours later, after utilizing quite a few packets, Bruce laid next to the Amazon, rubbing her back and considering how much of a raise to give Alfred. Was a million dollars a year excessive? She purred, moving closer to him and kissing down his neck. Better make it two million.
He also vowed never to tease Clark about being a boy scout again, and never to let anyone else do it either. Be prepared—those boy scouts were smart. As he watched Diana stretch before curling back up so he could wrap his arms around her, he thought about funding a Boy Scout troop. Then she kissed him, nibbling his bottom lip, and he decided that the entire organization should be rewarded.
"So, Bruce…" she whispered, stroking his hair as his eyes closed from exhaustion.
"Hm?" He kissed her palm gently.
Her lips trailed down his cheek. "What is this?"
"Naptime?" he suggested with a yawn.
She chuckled, pressing herself against him. That was not going to make him want to take a nap. "A good idea, but I wasn't talking about that. I was talking about us. You and me. What are we?"
A danger sign was flashing in his sleep-deprived mind. "Well, superheroes for one. Justice League members, for another…"
"You know what I mean," she nipped at his bottom lip playfully, running a hand down his cheek to caress it. "I really care about you, Bruce. And you know that I'm not that kind of girl."
Oh, he knew. She was just the type of girl to back a poor, defenseless male into a corner. "I care about you too, Diana. Would you…like to have dinner, tomorrow night?"
A beautiful smile spread over her face. "I would love to." That seemed to signal the end of the conversation as she kissed him softly, then rolled over, pulling her blanket up to cover him. Bruce continued to hold her as he fell asleep.
Apparently, he wasn't the only one prepared.
A/N: First off, credit where credit is due: alittlesummerwine came up with the idea of a Bat-tonic for hiccups, and I wondered what else would be in his utility belt. That created this. My brain goes to odd places, as you can see.
Questions, comments, reactions and reviews are greatly appreciated.