Disclaimer: I don't own W.I.T.C.H., it is own by Disney and not by me. I'm just writing this for fun.

Warning: MAJOR Spoilers for W.I.T.C.H. Season 1 and Season 2. This story takes place just before "L" is for Loser and will continue until the end of Season 2. I wanted to tell the story of Shagon from Matt's point of view. There aren't enough Matt fics out there. This fic will be fallowing the animated series but since it is still airing where I live I have to wait for the episodes to air once a week. I live in the U.S. on the East cost and right now we're up to "N" so no spoilers please. Thank you, Shiroi Misa

Hating Myself Part 1: Wishful Thinking

Matt Olson sat in his room trying to digest all this new information. Nerissa, a former Guardian gone bad, had trapped Elyon within the heart of Meridian. While her Knights of Vengeance were no more she seemed stronger than ever. He almost missed the days of Phobos at least they knew what he was after and what to expect most of the time.

He sighed, "They" more like the Guardians and Caleb. He was pretty much useless in a major fight. Logically he knew he should leave the fighting to Will and the other girls but his male ego was protesting loudly. He had very strong feelings for Will, from the first time they met he knew he had found someone special, someone perfect for him. So that's why when ever there was danger he wanted to protect her, fight by her side, but more and more he just seemed to be in the way. He just wanted to be useful to Will and not just watch from the sidelines. He wouldn't say it aloud but he secretly feared one day he would watch her... He shook his head violently.

"Stop thinking like that!" he said to himself. He truly did want to be with Will even if he didn't have the courage to tell her what he truly felt for her, but once again his fears held him back. He glanced at himself in the mirror. He wasn't scrawny like Martin, not by a long shot, but he was far from a warrior. One that Will could depend on and one that she could come to in times of need. He turned away from the Mirror, even Caleb had years of training on him and even he was struggling against Nerissa. He collapsed on his be and stared up at the ceiling. If only... if only he were stronger, faster... "And maybe a set of wings would help too." he chuckled to himself. "Not sure if those fairy wing would suit me though." His thoughts were interrupted when a small grey hairball landed on his stomach causing him to jump a little.

"Woah, Mr. H! Don't do that I'm jumpy enough as it is." The small creature responded by rubbing it's head under Matt's chin as a sign of affection. The boy smiled as he petted the little dormouse. "Thanks pal, I think I needed that." Mr. Huggles chirped happily at him. "I guess I'm putting too much thought into this." He scratched behind the little guy's ears as it purred in content. "Still it would be nice to be the Knight in shining armor for once." Mr. Huggles then started running back and forth on the teen's chest while stopping every few moments to look back at his master. Matt knew whenever he acted like that he only wanted one thing.

"Hungry again? Mr. Huggles, are you a dormouse or a dor-moose" He said already reaching for a handful of mouse treats. "Would Monsieur care for the mouse munchies?" Mr. H happily ignored the bad attempt at a French accent in favor of the late night snack his master offered him. "They are how you say the speciality of the house. I'll tell the chef you approve." Such a simple and peaceful moment. If Matt knew the nightmare he was moments away from facing, he might have taken the time to enjoy it more. But with the wrap on his bedroom window his fate was sealed.

The smiling face of if girlfriend shown in the pail glass beckoning him outside. Her presence warmed his heart. Despite of not being strong or powerful enough she still wanted to by his side, with him. He hopped out the ground floor window with ease as she backed up to give him some room. "Hey I was just thinking about, thinking about you." He said lamely. He didn't want her to know he had been up so late worrying about his short comings.

Suddenly Mr. Huggles perked up and started hissing. This wasn't one of the funny human girls who feed him and played with him. This... thing was dark and it wanted to hurt his master. He had to warn him. He ran on top of his head nipping and clawing doing anything he could to make his master get away from it. But his master didn't understand the danger.

"Ouch! Mr. H what is your damage?" He said trying to get control of his pet. 'No, no no!' it chirped frustrated at not being understood. 'Not Master's friend! Not mate. This thing bad, please run!'

"I don't know why freaking out like this. Sorry."

"No apologies necessary..." Matt's heart stopped beating, he knew that voice and it wasn't Will's. "...Dear Heart." Dropping her disguise Nerissa reviled herself in all her horrid glory. 'Oh God!' he thought too afraid to move.

"Nerissa." was all he could muster before she held up the heart of Meridian. There was a blinding flash of light before his whole world faded to black.

To be continued...

-Shiroi Misa