DISCLAIMER: Any and all characters mentioned from here on out do not belong to me.
It had been a pretty normal day in the city of Atlantis. Well, pretty normal considering that a bunch of people from Earth were living in another galaxy in the lost city of Atlantis trying to defend themselves from constant threats of destruction by strange bondage-loving creatures that looked like Marilyn Manson and races of computers that look just like people and who were trying to take over the world…well, Atlantis actually. Yeah, everything was pretty normal.
People were milling about. Some trying to get to their posts, others were heading back to their quarters after along day. Again, everything seemed pretty normal. That's when they heard it. Slap!
Everyone stopped in their tracks and turned to the source of the noise. Apparently, Teyla Emmagon had slapped Dr. Rodney McKay, astrophysicist to the stars, so hard that he fell to the ground.
"That's gonna leave a mark," Rodney groaned resting on his elbows.
Sheppard came running over to where the pair was standing or rather to where Teyla was standing and Rodney was sitting on the floor rubbing his now red cheek.
"What the hell was that?" he asked loudly.
"Teyla hit me," Rodney explained plainly.
"Well, thank you Captain Obvious," John said sarcastically sound very much like the ailing scientist. "Now, the question is, what the hell did you do to her to make her hit you?"
"Me? I didn't do anything!" Rodney defended himself. Why do people always blame him for things? The pipes don't work, blame Rodney. The jumper isn't flying as fast as it should, blame Rodney. One tiny, measly, uninhabited solar system gets blown up, well, five-sixths actually, what do they do? Blame Rodney!
"You know very well what you did, Rodney," Teyla glared at him with her hands on her hips.
"I have no idea what you are talking about!"
"He called me a whore," Teyla said angrily pointing to Rodney.
"U-hur-a!" Rodney growled strongly emphasizing each syllable. "I called you Uhura."
"Uh, Teyla," John said turning his attention back to Teyla. He tried to suppress his smile and was pretty sure that he was failing miserably. In fact, absolutely sure of it when he saw her glaring at him angrily with her arms folded across her chest. He could have sworn that he heard the sound of her foot tapping too. It was never a good sign when a woman was looking at you like that and tapping her foot at the same time.
"I am waiting, Colonel." Teyla's voice may have sounded serene, but the anger in her eyes said it all. She was pissed!
John took a deep breath. "Well Teyla…ya see, when, Rodney called you Uhura, he didn't mean it as a bad thing. See, Uhura was this character on the Earth show Star Trek. It was Lieutenant Uhura, actually, and anyway, we were talkin' about who on the team fit what character in Star Trek and we decided that you were kind of like the Uhura of the bunch."
"So it was not intended as an insult?" Teyla questioned. John shook his head. "My mistake."
Teyla turned to Rodney. "My apologies, Dr. McKay. I do hope that I have not broken anything."
"Sure Teyla, no problem. I'm sure my blurred vision will go away eventually. I'm just glad that I was there to help you work out your anger issues," Rodney said sarcastically.
"Now, would be a very good time to shut up, Rodney," Sheppard warned.
"Maybe when your blurred vision clears up, it will help you to see that what you are most looking for has been in front of you all along," Teyla said cryptically. She looked around the room at the crowd that had gathered. She eyed Lieutenant Laura Cadman, then turned back to the scientist who was still on the floor. "Or perhaps you will remain blind."
"Okay, that was creepy," Rodney shuddered. He looked at Sheppard who had one of his patented smirks on. "Well, are you gonna help me up or what?"
John laughed and pulled his friend to his feet. "You okay?"
"I'm just dandy," Rodney rolled his eyes, the sarcasm seeping out of his voice. "I've been yelled at, accused of something I didn't do, got beat up by a girl…no, you know what? It's pretty much been a normal day so far, well, at least now that you're here it has. I've got to stop hanging out with you."
"Me? What did I do?" John feigned offense.
"What did you do? You're just…you. Trouble follows you wherever you go and since I'm always with you, I get the shit end of it while you get to play hero." Rodney rubbed his back and groaned. "I think I dislocated a disk when she hit me."
"Come on, let's go see Carson," John said grinning. "I'm sure he's got your bed already. Plus, I'm absolutely positive that he would love to hear how you got beat up by Teyla for something that you didn't even do."
"And I'm sure that you're going to love telling him."
"Damn straight! That is if he doesn't know already. You know how the women on Atlantis are. They're better then the freaking internet and he's the worst of them all."
"I'll make sure he knows that," Rodney grinned evilly.
"Point taken," Sheppard conceded not wanting his next post-off world examination to include lots of needles and a rectal exam.
"Hey, what did you think Teyla meant?" Rodney suddenly asked.
"What do you mean?"
"You know, when she sounded all fortune cookie-like. What did that all mean?"
"Which character on Star Trek do you think Cadman would be?" John asked changing the subject…well, sort of. He knew exactly what Teyla meant when she said what she said, but it was something that Rodney needed figure out on his own. Plus, he was a little dense when it came to the personal thing, so it's bound to take him some time to figure it all out. Which means, that John was going get a lot of teasing in. John mentally rubbed his hands together evilly. This was going to be fun.
"I don't know. I suppose…wait, we're supposed to be talking about Teyla and her fortune-cookie-zen-speak, not Cadman."
"Did you really mean Uhura as a compliment?" John asked Rodney as they approached the infirmary.
Rodney grinned wickedly. "You tell me Captain Kirk."
"You know, it's a good thing we're near the infirmary," John warned.
"Why?" Rodney asked smugly crossing his arms over his chest.
"So I can do this!" John smacked Rodney upside the head.
"Ow! What is this beat on Rodney day?" Rodney whined rubbing the back of his head. At least that wasn't going to leave a mark.
"Aww, do you want me to kiss it better?" John teased.
"Sorry, Sheppard. You're not my type," Rodney snarked.
"Then, do you want Cadman to kiss it better?" John teased.
"You are so dead!" Rodney lunged for Sheppard, who quickly moved out of his reach. Unfortunately, he didn't watch where he was going and he tripped over box that had been left in the hall.
"Ow!" he groaned, the back of his head hitting the floor.
"Real graceful, Sheppard," Rodney said sarcastically.
"Just shut up and help me up," John ordered.
Rodney stood there and thought about it for a moment. "No, I don't think I will."
"Rodney!" Sheppard growled.
"Oh, fine! You don't have to be so grumpy."
"That's your job," Sheppard grunted snarkily.
"Do you want me to drop you right here?"
"Shutting up." John did not want to go to the infirmary on his own. He was in too much pain. God, when did he turn into Rodney?
When they walked into the infirmary, John had one arm around Rodney's neck and he had one arm around John's waist. John was limping and Rodney had a noticeable bruise on his right cheek.
"Alright, lads, what happened this time?" Carson Beckett asked standing in front of the pair. Honestly, it was always something with these two!
"He did it!" they said at the same time each pointing to the other.
"Jinx!" they said almost at the same time as well. Only, Rodney was slightly quicker. It was good to know that all of the time spent with Jeannie when they were younger was good for something.
"Haha! I said jinx before you," Rodney said triumphantly. "You can't speak until someone says your name…you're full name. Rank, first name, middle, and last."
Sheppard pointed at Rodney menacingly and was about to open his mouth to tell the science chief where he could stuff his jinx, when said science chief cut him off.
"Remember, you can't talk," Rodney reminded him.
"You can't growl either," Rodney said.
"I so can! Growling isn't talking. It's just growling. Not a form of communication at all, well, except for Klingons and well…you."
"You're funny. Except you keep forgetting, you're jinxed. Meaning that anything you say comes out 'Blah! Blah! Blah'"
Carson rolled his eyes in annoyance. They were beginning to try his patience, which is something that he prided himself on.
"Dr. Meredith Rodney McKay and Lt. Colonel John Samuel Aloistious Truman Horatio Sheppard, shut up now!" Carson commanded. The colonel and astrophysicist silenced immediately when they heard their full names. "Now, tell me what happened."
Rodney and John gave no answer.
"I said tell me what happened!"
"Can't," Rodney said.
The Scottish doctor folded his arms across his chest and glared at the pair. "And why not?"
"Because you told us to shut up," Sheppard said with a smirk. "Wouldn't want to defy doctor's orders."
"Fair enough," Carson nodded. "Since you're both here, I might as well do those tests that I've been meaning to do."
"Tests?" Rodney gulped. "What sort of tests?"
"Blood test, urine test, rectal probe. You know the standard." Carson snapped a rubber glove on his hand. "Now, which one of you would like to go first?"
John and Rodney looked at each other in horror. It was John who spoke first. "Teyla beat Rodney up," he blurted out.
"Sheppard tripped over a box in the hallway."
"Huh? Well, since you both have injuries that need tending to, the tests are going to have to wait." John and Rodney sighed in relief. "Now, Rodney, go to your bed over there and Colonel go to yours over there." He pointed each man in the direction of their respective beds.
"Now, don't move, don't touch anything, don't do anything until I get back," Carson warned.
"Yes, Dad," John teased. Rodney snickered
"You know, Colonel, your injury doesn't seem that serious, I may have time to do some tests after all," the Scottish doctor challenged.
"I take it back. You looked nothing like me," Sheppard said. "Now, Rodney on the other hand…"
"Hey, leave me out of this," Rodney said holding up his hands. "He's talking about needles and rectal probes, I want nothing to do with this conversation."
Carson rolled his eyes and walked into his office. Children. The both of them!
"Am I gonna have to put an APB on all cardboard over the citywide speaker system? Have all of Atlantis put any and all cardboard boxes away so you don't kill yourself?" Rodney teased laying on the bed.
"Next time, I'm going to let Teyla kill you."
"No, you won't." Rodney said.
"Oh, I won't? Why wouldn't I?"
"Who would you torture?"
"You'd torture a guy who threatens you with needles and very invasive and painful procedures and who has the power to make the recovery process from whatever injury that you sustain doing whatever it is that you do as comfortable or as painful as possible?"
"Yeah, maybe Carson's a bad idea," John agreed. He snapped his fingers, "What about Ronon? Ronon could be fun."
"The female Teyla," Rodney reminded him.
"Do you want to have hot water ever again? Admit it Sheppard, I'm the most fun to torture and you know it. You wouldn't want anything to happen to me because you'd be lost."
"I wouldn't be lost…okay, maybe I'd miss you a little, but that's it."
"Fine! Besides, I wouldn't want anything too horrible to happen to you either. You're the most fun to annoy."
They sat in companionable silence for a while waiting for the Scottish doctor to come back and treat their injuries. Both were hoping that he was just kidding about the tests.
"There's still time to have Cadman come in here and kiss it all better."
"Shut up, Kirk!"
"At least I didn't blow up an entire solar system."
"It was five-sixths. Get it right!"
"Whatever," Sheppard said laughing. Pretty soon Rodney was laughing too. At what, they didn't know, but it didn't really matter. It had been a pretty good day. Good days had been few and far between since they arrived on Atlantis, so they had to take what they could get. Two friends sitting in the infirmary, both not injured too bad laughing at who knows what. Not a bad day after all.