Sorry, but this has been floating around in my head for a while and I needed to write it just to get it to leave me alone. I haven't given up on Pride of Suna or anything. Just read and try to enjoy. Thanks.
To Good To Be True
by Legendary Legacy
An SI Mock fic
Standard Disclaimers apply, of course. Kishimoto-sama is the legal owner and creator of Naruto and everything within. This fic is my own creation, however.
A young man ran through the wilderness, clearly in a great hurry. It was difficult to tell exactly where he was, as all that could be seen were trees. The man paused for a moment, brushing his long, luscious blue hair away from his face, as he scanned the surroundings through sparkling silver eyes which contained fiery red pupils. His body showed signs of tension as he subconsciously flexed his body, showing rippling, rock-hard muscles beneath his stylish yet classy black and silver yukata.
Sensing that he was along, the man took off in a flash, blazing through the forest at a speed that would make Maito Guy look like a turtle with a broken leg. So fast was he going that he didn't even slow down to avoid the trees in his path, choosing instead to simply burst right through them. It wasn't like they slowed him down anyway.
But he had to move quicker still, so he reached down and unstrapped the seven hundred pound weight he had wrapped around his waist and instantly tripled his already inhuman movement.
Things were looking good, at this rate he'd arrive just in time to save the day: Just as he was meant to do.
Two hundred miles away from where the man was, a huge battle was raging. On one side were the Rookie 9 plus Gai's team and the three Suna ninja. On another side was Orochimaru with Kabuto and Sasuke, all standing next to Manda the serpent. And on the final side were all the members of the living members of Akatsuki.
The battle had been going on for some time, and it was plain to see that the Konoha and Suna ninjas were losing. Of all of them, only Naruto, Sakura, Neji and Gaara were still standing, and even they were bloodied and beaten badly. It was clear to see that unless something miraculous happened, they were all going to be killed.
"Hey Orochimaru," the Akatsuki leader called to his former teammate. "What do you say we kill these brats together first, then we can settle our old score afterward?"
The Snake Sannin grinned wickedly. "A great idea, I was about to say the same thing." Kabuto and Sasuke both nodded, despite the fact that doing this would put them at a worse disadvantage in the end. As long as they killed those meddling kids, who cared about the greater threats?
All at once, the villains charged at Naruto and the others. But just when all hope seemed lost, there was a bright flash of light, and standing between the two groups was the young man with long, luscious blue hair, sparkling silver eyes with red pupils, bulging muscles and wearing a stylish yet classy black and silver yukata.
Everyone froze, staring in awe at the marvelous being standing before them.
"Your time has come, Akatsuki!" the man boomed in his deep, powerful voice. "Now that I am here, none of you shall leave with your lives!"
The leader laughed, trying to cover up his nervousness. "And who are you that you think you can defeat all of us by yourself?"
The man laughed right back. "I cannot tell you my name, because the mere mentioning of it would cause you to run away screaming like little girls and quite possibly pee your pants in the process! Just know that where I come from I am legendary, and that the legacy of my accomplishments is boundless! I make women leave their boyfriends! I make men admit their deepest faults in comparison of themselves to me! My very presence makes teenagers faint! See?" he said, pointing behind him to the Konoha ninja who were still knocked out.
"Ano...they were like that before you got here," Kabuto pointed out.
"Then they obviously sensed my Aura of Amazingness before I showed up and were overwhelmed!" the man said without missing a beat. He pointed a finger at them and struck a very cool and dramatic pose. "But enough about that! I'm here to wipe you villains from the face of this earth, and with all my power, intelligence and awe-inspiring good looks, I shall do just that!" A bolt of lightning flashed in the background, adding an even greater effect to the man's speech.
Kisame gulped and turned to his leader. "Boss, I think we need to get out of here."
"N-nonsense," he stuttered. "He's not that scary."
"But boss, just look at him!" Deidara shouted. "He's got beautiful strange colored hair, yeah!"
"And those eyes! I mean, who has eyes like that?" Zetsu demanded.
"And didn't you see how that lightning bolt struck even when there aren't any clouds in the sky?" Tobi asked.
"And besides, the only time a good guy makes big speeches like that are right before they beat the crap out of the bad guys!" Hidan added.
"Shut up! I'm the leader of Akatsuki, which means I make the decisions! Now get your asses over there and die honorably so I can make my escape while everyone else is distracted!"
The other members groaned, but knew that they had to do it. So they charged rather unenthusiastically at the man. Meanwhile, the man just stood there grinning, trying to decide which of his four bloodline abilities he should use to defeat them with. But then he figured that since there were so many enemies, he could use them all!
Making several quick hand seals, he flung his hands forward. "Burakkuhoru no Jutsu!"
Suddenly, a huge swirling vortex opened above everyone's head. Five of the Akatsuki were sucked into it before they even knew it. Everyone else managed to protect themselves in some way, but the damage had been done.
"HAHAHAHAHA! With my first bloodline trait, I'm able to rip a hole in space and time, creating a black hole to suck my opponents into oblivion!" he informed them. "And now, witness my second-"
"We won't let you use it!" Zetsu and Kisame shouted, charging him together. They were inches away from slicing and sawing him up when they both exploded.
"Actually," he said calmly as their ashes blew away with the wind. "With my second bloodline, I don't have to do anything. If someone who's attacking me gets to close to me, they simply blow up. I can't control it at all. Pretty sweet, huh?"
Everyone seemed to shocked to reply. He glanced around and spotted the leader running away at high speed. Using one hand to stifle a yawn, he raised his other hand towards him, and a second later the mysterious leader froze in mid-step.
"My third limit allows me to stop time and freeze people," he mentioned to no one in particular.
"Oh for God's sake!" Orochimaru muttered softly. Unfortunately, it seemed the man had heard him.
"And for my last bloodline limit...I can control other people's summoned creatures! Manda, eat Orochimaru!"
"'Kay," the snake boomed, devouring the Sannin in one bite.
"Ah, I love using that one," the man sighed happily.
"Ano...Manda probably would have done that even if you didn't tell him to," Kabuto pointed out again.
"Manda, eat him too."
"Shit," Kabuto cursed a split second before being swallowed.
"Alrighty. Now then just go eat that frozen guy over there and you can leave."
"Sssssure thing," Manda hissed. "You know, you're way cooler than Orochimaru wassss."
"Yeah, I know."
As the snake slithered away, the man turned back to the two remaining enemies: Sasuke and Itachi. He walked over to them as they cowered in fear of his mighty presence.
"So you plan to kill us as well now?" Itachi questioned.
"No," he told them. "For I know that deep down, neither of you are truly evil. I'm sure if you look within yourself that you'll both realize that you have true human feelings, and possibly even care for others besides yourself."
Itachi blinked. "Well, I'll admit that even though I have no idea who she is, the pink-haired chick over there is kind of a babe, and I always thought of Naruto as a second little brother even while I was trying to capture and kill him..." he winked at Sakura while Sasuke stayed silent.
"See? That's what I mean. Now, all I have to do is use my mystical power of persuasion and you will both be ready to give up your selfish, evil ways and return to the path of goodness."
The Uchiha brothers raised their eyebrows. "Yeah, I don't think it's gonna be that easy-"
"I COMMAND YOU BOTH TO GIVE UP YOUR SELFISH, EVIL WAYS AND RETURN TO THE PATH OF GOODNESS!"
"Okay," they both said as one. Together, they walked over to the recovering Konoha and Suna group and began hugging and apologizing to everyone.
The man smiled and glimmering smile. "Well, it looks like my work here is finished."
"All right, cut the crap!" Naruto shouted. The blond walked over until he stood right in front of the man. "What the hell do you think you're doing, Legendary Legacy?"
The man sweatdropped. "L-Legendary Legacy? Who is this Legendary Legacy that you speak of? I admit, my legacy is indeed quite legendary in many parts of the world, but you're definitely mistaking me for someone-"
"OH STOP IT!" Naruto demanded. "How could you? Stooping to writing a Self-Insert fic? That's just low, man!"
The man chuckled nervously, waving his arms in front of him. "Really, there's some mistake here. I'm not an SI of Legacy. I mean come on, does the real Legendary Legacy have long blue hair? Or these kick-ass eyes? Or this perfect body? Or-"
"I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!" Neji suddenly screamed. He reached out and grasped the man's hands in his own. "I love you!"
"WHAAAAAT?" everyone shouted, looking horror-struck.
"But I'm a guy!"
"I can't help it!" Neji professed. "But you're the perfect one for me!"
"Oh no you don't!" Sasuke yelled, kicking Neji out of the way. "I'm the one who loves him, and we'll rebuild my clan together!"
Suddenly, hundreds of bugs appeared and began attacking Sasuke, who began flailing around trying to free himself. Shino calmly walked forward, pulled off his glasses and opened his collar. He stared into the man's eyes. "I am the one who truly loves you."
A large column of sand fell on top of him, burying him underneath. Now it was Gaara who moved forward to address the man. "Come with me and we'll rule Suna together, my love."
"WHAT THE HELL?" the man shouted, looking absolutely beside himself. "This isn't a yaoi fic! I DON'T WRITE YAOI FICS!"
The four boys all got back up and moved to surround him. "But...you're so...perfect!" they said.
The man screamed in terror. "Okay, I'm leaving! I'm leaving!" And with that, he disappeared in a flicker of light.
Slowly, everyone else turned to the four boys.
"Nice work," Sakura complimented.
"Thanks," they all said together again.
Kiba laughed. "I guess Legacy forgot an important fact about fanfiction. The only people that the stoic, brooding or asexual guys ever fall for are SI's and Mary Sues."
"Serves him right," Sasuke said. "Maybe he'll keep himself out of our world from now on."
Everyone else nodded in agreement.
I'm so sorry. ...No actually, I'm not. And I hope everyone reads this and that anyone who actually makes fics like this while being serious about it are so ashamed of themselves that they never write again. Now back to writing Pride of Suna.
Thank you, and good day.