In Muggle Studies:

Where did you get your first sex talk? Come on now.. Don't be shy… Lily.. come on..

James.. Why is your writing showing up on my paper… and why do you want to know?

Because, I am smart and I want to know.

I'll tell you later.

I love you.

Aw, Love you to James.


"Sooo?" James sang very off key to Lily in the common room, with just Sirius, Remus, and Peter still awake.

"James, you are have been going out with Lily for a year, why are you bothering her now?" Remus asked.

Before Lily could stop him, "I want to know where Lilykins got her first sex talk."

"Ooh, Me too!" Sirius yelled.

"Thanks a lot James." Lily said as she rolled her eyes.

"Well, to be fair, lets play a game, we all tell where we got our first sex talks from, that way Lily doesn't feel embarrassed." Remus stated wisely.

"Okay." James agreed.

"I'm in." Sirius said settling down on the floor so them made a circle.

"I guess." Peter mumbled as he sat next to Lily, who sat next to James who is next to Remus who has Sirius draped over him.

"Okay, I'll go first!" Sirus piped.

"Oh great, remember Sirius your FIRST sex talk, not you third or fouth, first." Remus said.

"What? It only took one, you should know that Remmy."

"Just tell your story, you mangy mutt."

"Okay, but no side comments! I was 9 or 10, and I was walking home and I see this lady standing on the corner."

"Oh great.. We don't want to hear this.."

"Shut up James. Okay, so this lady comes up to me and guess who it is?"

"Your mom?"



"Not funny Lily."

"The first one was close, it was my aunt."

"Ew, Narcissa!"

"Yep, so I ask her what she is doing standing on this corner. She tells me that's where she works. I am 10 right, I have no clue what she meant so I had to ask her. And then she went into how she slept with men for money. I'm still 10 here. I said 'For money? I'll sleep with a guy or girl for money... You don't have to snuggle do you?'"

"Oh Sirius…" Remus said as he patted Sirius on the head.

"That's so sweet and cute." Lily cooed at them, but mostly Sirius' story line.

"Haha. Anyways, so she goes and explains how sleeping with someone, sex, and sleeping with someone, sleep, are too different things."

"Ew.. Someone else tell there story." James looked at Peter.

"No, I don't want to go."

"Come Petey, not like a priest gave you the talk." Sirius laughed.

Peter went turned a bright red.

"Oh." James

"My." Lily

"A priest!" Sirius asked, "I was just joking, man that's jacked…"

"Not my fault… Can someone else just go?"

"Remus will go." Sirius said looking up at Remus with his puppy eyes, "Right Remmy?"

"Um," 'Damn those puppy eyes.' Remus thought. "Yeah sure I'll go."

"Not a priest?"

"No James. Not a priest."

"Thank the heavens."

"I was 12 when my mom pulled me into my dads study and…"

Sirius snapped up from Remus' lap, "RAPE! SHE RAPED YOU? I'll kill her! No one touches my Remus!"

Remus smacked Sirius on the back of his head, "You thickhead, My mother did not rape me."

"Oh." Sirius said looking a little embarssed.

"Did you say 'My Remus'?" Lily asked smiling at them.

Sirius felt the closeness of Remus and looked at him, to find Remus was looking at him with there noses almost touching.

"Erm.. Remus, back to your story." Sirius said scooting away some.

"Right." Remus said a little flustered. "She just brought me in there and started with something like the birds and the bees, but stopped and just said something like 'A man and a woman love each other they have sex, which is when he puts his "thing" in her "thing"… It was really weird the way she explained it, but I asked Sirius about sex later, like last year or something."

"Wow, yours was pretty straight and to the point, remind me to tell your mother THANK YOU for not sending you to a priest!" Sirius said snapping his neck to look at Peter.

"Come on, just drop it, it isn't that big of a deal!" Peter said standing up.

"Yes, Peter it is… That is gross, what would he know about it!"

"I just… I 'm going, see you guys later." Peter said exiting through the door.

"Great job Sirius." James said as the door shut.

"What? Come on James, a priest?"

"Yeah. I guess. Lily it is your turn."

"Why is it mine? You go."

"This wasn't my first sex talk, my first sex talk was with my mum when I was 8, she had charts, but she didn't finish it, she had to go to work. But the one that "worked" was when I was 16. My mum had left for work and my dad had the day off. We went out back and played a little quidditch, and sat down by the lake and he just told me how I was born. Nothing too graphic, it was nice; we only talked about that for 5 minutes. Then we just sat out there for at least 3 hours just talking about everything. It was nice to talk to him before he got those crazy hours."

"Man," Sirius said, "You suck, you got a good talk, your lucky…"

They all laughed. "Well, if you want, I could owl my dad and have him give you the same talk when we go home for Christmas."

"Very funny James."

"I know. Okay, Lily. You the last one."

"Well, they are pretty easy."

"What do you mean?"

"Ya'll just gave them to me."

"You have never had the sex talk?" Sirius asked.

"No, my mum and dad where always quite, and when they did talk it was about grades or work."

"Wow. Like you had no idea about anything?" Remus asked.

"I just figured it out myself... put the pieces of the puzzle together all by my self."

"What about when you went to muggle school?" Sirius asked.

"Well, in grade school, they showed us videos, but it was all about the human body, the grossest thing was when our teacher put ketchup on a tampon."

All of the boys looked like they were going to throw up.

"What did the boys in your class do!"

"They weren't there, the spilt the girls and boys up."

"That is.. okay, new subject."

The stayed quite, just thinking about each others stories.


"What James?"



A/n: Oh god. Me and my friend were IM, and we got on the subject of sex talks and something about nuns…hehe.. And she told me we should write a ff about the Marauders and their sex talks… Hope ya'll liked them and hope you guys review…. Oh and the ketchup and tampon thing really happened to my friend… I know.. What school did she go to:D

Oh and any mistakes... well it hasnt been edited... deal with it...