I hope you all love dearest Artemis Fowl as a 5 year old. I did. He-he.

I do not own... Artemis Fowl! (Gasp) Oh Really? YEAH REALLY! So, yeah, another Frogerita production!


Artemis Fowl stared at his younger self in a mirror with a serious face. "Your mission: Find a live target and shoot it for no reason. If failed, life as you know it will crumble around your ears. You will accomplish this mission. You will. You will--OW!" Artemis, trying to point to his reflection in order to command himself to accomplish the mission, banged his extended finger in the the reflective glass. "Ow ow ow ow owwww!" He sucked on his sore finger for five minutes, trying not to cry, then ran out of the bathroom to undergo his self-assigned mission.

Young Artemis Fowl the second giggled and ran down the hall in the suit he had "borrowed" from Butler. The man was surely going to be mad, but the gleeful 5-year-old didn't mind. Butler couldn't boss him around. He was potty trained now. A big boy.

Artemis tripped and stiffled back tears. "Pull youself together, old boy," he told himself. "Fill out the mission." Artemis began humming the Mission Impossible theme song. "Buh, bum, buh nuh nah NUH. Buh, nah nah nah BUM..."

He walked through the halls, or rather, slid down the freshly waxed floors. He eventually landed in his mother's room. The woman was asleep on the bed, a book close to falling out of her hand and onto the floor. Artemis giggled. Target acquired.

Artemis slipped in and slowly began singing the Jaws theme song. "Dun dun. Dun nuh dun nuh. Dun nuh dun nuh. DUM DUUUUM!" And he held hs hand above his mother's book and put his thumb down. "Pow!" Artemis whipered. Then he ran out of the room squealing and snorting like an amused little boy would. You'd never guess he'd be able find the People and take their gold by the time he was twelve.

Artemis jumped for joy and then tripped in the effort. He fell on his butt and slid down the corridor floor. He finally stopped when he ran into Butler's legs.

"Artemis, there you are."

"Yes, Butler."

"What were you doing? And in my suit?"

"What do you mean? I DIDN'T DO IT! Mommy is fine. I shot her." Artemis laughed.

"...What!"

"Yeah. And then, then, then, um, she like, died." Artemis laughed again in a menacing way that was almost enough to scare a grown man.

Butler checked Artemis' suit. It was really his. He wondered if he had accidently left a gun in his laundry basket like last time... And sure enough, there was a gun sticking out of the coat pocket. It was small, but there, nonetheless.

"MRS. FOWL!" Butler yelled running into the bedroom. He found Angeline there dead, book in hand.

"Angeline, no. I shouldn't have left my gun with Artemis."

"You did what?" Angeline growled, waking up from her afternoon nap immediately.

Butler's mouth gaped for a moment, then he said, "I did nothing. Hey, I'm going to make Artemis peanut butter and jelly. Okay? Great, love you, bye!" And Butler sped out of the room to take the gun from Artemis and make the immature little boy a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

Angeline sat staring at the doorway, stunned. She blinked. "Butler...loves me?"


Okay, Butler doesn't love Angeline, but Artemis always said it, and it always got Artemis out of trouble... I could put more detail into the story, but I didn't. I may later. SO, I hope you enjoyed a Frogerita story! Oh, I meant a short story. YEASH!